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Screener season is dead. Long live screener season!
The season ended with a whimper, not a bang. First, a few days passed without a package in the mail. Then a few days more. Before you know it, it’s the middle of January, The Big Guys have announced their nominees, and you just have to come to grips with the fact if you want to watch Creed 2 you’re gonna have to go to the damn theater like everyone else.
I closed the book on screener season happy with my haul. A handful of new DVDs…
…some new wall art (you thought I was kidding)…
…and a massive addition to my library of “things I will never read.”
I was feeling good, until I showed up for a meeting at a production company in Hollywood and saw what THEY received this year. DAMN! The Producers Guild is where it’s at!
Don’t tell the person I met with, but before departing I pocketed Ralph Breaks The Internet, Isle of Dogs, and Spider-Man: Into The Spider-Verse. If they don’t sell the show I pitched them I’m gonna upload all three onto the internet and wait for the Watermark police to bring them down. JUST KIDDING! Kinda…
Onto this week’s awards…
THE SORRY THIS BOTHERS ME AWARD: 'Sorry To Bother You'
Before the screeners started rolling in I would’ve bet anything that Sorry To Bother You would show up in my mailbox before Christmas. It had “buzzy little award movie the studio would get behind” written all over it. But I was wrong. Boots didn’t think his movie had a shot at an Oscar, they decided not to waste money on a campaign, and long story short it looks like I’ll be spending $3 to rent it on Prime. (Ed. Note: Good news, A.A. The movie is currently free to stream with a Hulu subscription!)
THE STOP STARING AT ME, I'M GOING TO WATCH YOUR MOVIE EVENTUALLY AWARD
(4-way tie) If Beale Street Could Talk / On The Basis of Sex / Destroyer / Mary Queen Of Scots
I can’t tell if they’re staring at me because they know I’m going to ignore the disclaimer at the beginning of their screener and NOT destroy the disc upon completion, or if they’re silently judging me for watching both Fyre Fest documentaries before getting around to their potentially award-winning films. Either way, I’m slightly uncomfortable.
THE FIVE TIMERS CLUB: '22 July'
Three screenplays, two screeners, and not one colleague telling me it’s worth watching. Maybe they should’ve gone with 22 of them?
THE OVERALL BEST SCREENER EXPERIENCE AWARD: 'Roma'
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Even though every human being I know has Netflix and Amazon, the studios went overboard sending a TON of screeners this year. Sure, it would’ve been easier to simply stream Roma rather than go through the laborious process of clicking ‘open’ on my DVD player, inserting the disc, clicking ‘close’ and then hitting play (I’m exhausted just typing it.) But since I’m a professional writing about the screener experience, I took one for the team. And you know what… it was great! Netflix knows who they are. They didn’t sully the experience with lower-third threats to prosecute my loved ones or kill my dog like some of the other screeners do (I’m looking at you, Warner Bros). Roma didn’t contain a single warning or “For Your Consideration” throughout. AND I got to watch the credits without a trailer for some random comedian’s new special butting in. What an experience! DVDs are back, baby!
A.A. Smithee is a director for hire. So, you know, hire him/her/them. (But please wait until after he/she/they has finished all of his/her/their screeners. Thank you.)
