[Intro]
[Newt Gingrich]
I just think he ought to be honest with the American people
And try to win as the real Mitt Romney
[TV ad]
Meet the real Mitt Romney
[MSNBC reporter]
Who is the real Romney?
[Various]
No one really knows who the real Mitt Romey is
He's an enigma
[Josh Romney]
He's a dad and a family man
[Various]
Who is the real Romney?

Ladies and gentlemen, the President of the United States

[Intro 2: Barack Obama]
Can I have your attention, please?
Can I have your attention, please?
Will the real Mitt Romney please stand up?
I repeat, will the real Mitt Romney please stand up?
We're gonna have a problem here

[Verse 1: Mitt Romney]
Y'all act like you haven't seen a Mormon before
Drawers down on the floor
I'm not concerned about the very poor
I got it wrong – sorry, that's not what I meant
I want every American to be in the top one percent
I'm really named Willard, that's my first name
I'm not looking for a colony on the moon, just for someone to blame
I like being able to fire people
[Newt]
I'm Newt Gingrich
[M.R.]
You're fired
[Rick Santorum]
I'm Rick Santorum and I'm
[M.R.]
Fired -- boom, boom, boom
[Donald Trump]
Conservative women
[Mike Huckabee]
Love Mitt Romney
[Mitt Romney]
And I love cars, I love lakes
I'm running for office, for Pete's sake
With regards to abortion -- pro-life, pro-choice
I firmly believe in my own singing voice

[Interlude 1: M.R.]
For purple mountain's majesty
Above the fruited plain
[N.G.]
Where are we at, John?

[Verse 2: M.R.]
With regards to abortion
You can choose your own adventure
It's a Republican [N.G.] dimension
[M.R.]
And I'm more concerned about the banks -- they're unable to lend
Corporations are people, my friend
My dog is on the roof
My dog is on the roof
Who let the dogs out -- hoo, hoo
Understand, I'm an exception
The Obama contraception
Not a vulture, I'm an eagle
I'm gonna get my lawn cut by illegals
There will be an influx
Hispanic voters in trucks
Look, if you don't believe, I'll tell you what
Ten thousand bucks?
Well, I made a lot of money
Matter of factually
I drive a couple of Cadillacs, actually
I have emotion and passion
That's a joke, for the record
But if you want the soul of America restored
Come on board
Take your fair share
And every Mormon raise your underwear
And sing the chorus, Papa Bear

[Hook: M.R.]
I'm Mitt Romney and I'm the real Romney
All the other Mitt Romneys are just mass-debating
[B.O.]
So would the real Mitt Romney please stand up
Please stand up, please stand up?
[M.R.]
I'm Mitt Romney and I'm the real Romney
All the other Mitt Romneys are just mass-debating
[B.O.]
So would the real Mitt Romney please stand up
Please stand up, please stand up?
[M.R.]
I'm Mitt Romney and I'm the real Romney
All the other Mitt Romneys are just mass-debating
[B.O.]
So would the real Mitt Romney please stand up
Please stand up, please stand up?
[M.R.]
I'm Mitt Romney and I'm the real Romney
All the other Mitt Romneys are just mass-debating
[B.O.]
So would the real Mitt Romney please stand up
Please stand up, please stand up?

[Outro]
I decided that was a terrible song