BBC Radio 4’s Desert Island Discs is now more than 80 years old. Devised in 1942 by Roy Plumley, the programme has an archive of more than 3,000 episodes, in which a notable guest chooses eight records, a book and a “luxury item” that they would take should they be cast away on a desert island. It’s a means through which to discuss a person’s life story and what matters to them – and it appears to be a format that never gets old.
That this is the case perhaps explains why so many celebrities who wish to add “podcasting” to their list of accolades choose to utilise the formula for their own purposes. The point of Desert Island Discs is that it hinges broad reflections on something specific and highly measurable – we learn something about the guests in the process of hearing about their records. But too many people – often those whose fame and popularity is potentially on the wane – have decided that the “tell your life story through a medium I happen to be interested in” formula is a good enough excuse to make a podcast in which they are sycophantic towards somebody who has a book to promote.
Not all are created equal, of course – but the sheer scale is absurd. There are desert island meals on Off Menu with Ed Gamble and James Acaster and Table Manners with Jessie Ware and her mum; desert island boyfriends on Dolly Alderton’s Love Stories and Jameela Jamil‘s Bad Dates. There’s former Olympic diver Tom Daley’s Made With Love; journalist Pandora Sykes’ Doing It Right; model Ashley Graham’s Pretty Big Deal; journalist Elizabeth Day’s How to Fail. There is The Michelle Obama Podcast, in one episode of which she interviews Oprah Winfrey – not forgetting, of course, Oprah Winfrey’s Super Soul, in one episode of which she interviews Michelle Obama.
And there is also the Duchess of Sussex’s Archetypes – but it was announced last week that the Sussexes’ $20m love affair with Spotify was over. A Spotify podcasting exec, Bill Simmons, said on his own The Bill Simmons Podcast that they should have made one with Harry and Meghan called “The Fucking Grifters”, a sentiment that will resonate with many people confused about Harry and Meghan’s trajectory to becoming media personalities.
Archetypes, which has now ended after 12 episodes, took the format full circle: guests tell Meghan about themselves through the lens of… themselves. This is the real Serena Williams, the real Paris Hilton, the real Mariah Carey, simply talking about themselves, to Meghan, who has no credentials as an interviewer, for the sake of “defying society’s expectations” and being “authentic”. It’s not surprising that this egregious vanity project, in which Meghan adopts her best Serial-presenter Sarah Koenig voice to say things like “hold space” and “I hear that” but remains almost entirely vacuous, has been kicked to the kerb when it has none of the specificity that makes interview shows work.
Unfortunately, many other celebrity podcasts could also be described as “grifting”. Music is clearly a personal, interesting and radio-friendly way in for a deep interview, but the BBC has that covered – so former B-listers attempting to revive their careers in soundproof studios must make do with other ideas: food, business, mental health, body image, general slaying.
Aside from the fact that they flood the market, these podcasts are frequently boring, inane and badly executed. With Made With Love, for example, Daley “is on a mission to explore the benefits of allowing the things we love to guide our lives” – which can be interpreted as a podcast in which famous people talk about their hobbies with the energy of GCSE French students trying to stretch their vocab beyond “faire du vélo”. In truly unprecedented levels of inanity, when faced with the pre-eminent climate activist Greta Thunberg in March this year, Daley asked her about her “favourite fibres to knit with”. Knitting, you see, is “a huge part of [Daley’s] life”.
On Bad Dates, Jamil, known for modelling, presenting and being somebody you’re not supposed to like, interviews celebrities about “their most iconic dating fiascos” – essential reporting if ever you’ve seen it. The TV presenter Laura Whitmore somewhat unbelievably has a podcast called Castaway – also, surely, a reference to Desert Island Discs – in which other celebrities talk about… their favourite podcasts. Guests include former Love Island-er Ovie Soko, who likes podcasts, and the previously mentioned Pandora Sykes, known primarily – you guessed it – for her podcasts. You get the sense that if Whitmore were on Off Menu, she might choose a five-bird roast.
Unlike Desert Island Discs, whose guests are hugely varied and often refreshingly untimely – recent guests have included the snooker player Ronnie O’Sullivan, the scientist professor Sharon Peacock, the actor Robert Webb and the show’s former host Kirsty Young – the guests on such podcasts almost always occur when the guest in question is doing a press cycle, and are thus appearing on many different podcasts at once. And thus we hear variations of the same ideas over and over again, defeating the point of getting to know people in depth. This is an oversaturated market of Somebodies offering little originality to us Nobodies who just want to learn something on our commute.
There are, of course, good versions. Acaster and Gamble’s Off Menu is usually near the top of the charts – but, while it does sometimes lean into the “something to plug” guest trope, it consists of genuinely interesting conversations about food that teach you something, and its presenters are guaranteed to make you laugh. Day’s How to Fail, which measures a life in failures and their teachings, offers insight because it requires guests to be particularly vulnerable.
But like Desert Island Discs, these shows work because they allow us to learn something new about the person, and see them in a different light – rather than being a catch-all excuse for celebrities to talk to other celebrities while advertising HelloFresh. We can only hope, then, that the demise of the Royal Spotify Deal indicates that the celebrity podcast bubble may finally have burst.
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