Why I finally decided to tie the knot at 73

In 2024, I surprised myself by embarking on something I never thought I would do again: get married. So why did I, as a 73-year-old, change my mind and plight my troth to a beloved man for the first time since my original nuptials in 1977 – instead of just happily living together without the fuss of acquiring a certificate?

Well, this is what I’ve learnt since I got hitched again in January 2024. I’ve come to realise that it was the best life-changing decision I’d made all year. A public commitment to my partner Norman – who I have been with for nine years – before witnesses in an age of so many disposable relationships, has been the ultimate proof that we are serious about each other. Serious enough to book a register office and a restaurant afterwards to make an occasion of it for our little corner of the world to know about. 

Our marriage has also subtly changed family dynamics by making a difference with the people around us, such as Norman’s grown-up daughter, stepdaughter and wider family as well as mine. Our modest little ceremony made it clear that we are here to stay in each other’s lives – and also, just as importantly, in theirs.

Not that I would presume to tell anyone how to live their life, but now I’m a permanent fixture in Norman’s life, I hope his family feel free to ask my advice about anything if they so wish. I wouldn’t call it a role – that sounds bossy and presumptuous – but more like an official place within the family. And that’s because, as that little piece of paper proves, I have signed up to stick around.

And although I already have stepchildren, step-grandchildren and step-great-grandchildren from my first marriage, I love the idea of accumulating a second lot too. If they want to start calling me Granny, I’d be delighted. That hasn’t happened yet, but I’ve certainly become closer to one step-granddaughter since becoming a permanent fixture in her family. She knows I’m not going to go away, that I’m part of the set-up now.

Yet because of my mother’s disastrous, short-lived marital history, I had grown up feeling very cynical about marriage. I had always regarded it as an old-fashioned institution whose only relevance was financial, which was the unsentimental reason for my wedding to my much-loved late husband Liam back in 1977.

Getting married was one of the conditions of our first mortgage offer, since in those days an unmarried couple were not considered as safe a financial bet as a married one.  And then there was the little matter of him wanting to protect me from any prior financial claim by an ex-partner. So, our cheap and cheerful ceremony was a strictly business decision, a means to an end, even though it was a joyous affair – and our marriage lasted for 29 years until his death from cancer in 2006.

But Norman and I didn’t need to marry for financial reasons, which made it literally a love match in our case when I set aside my doubts after he suggested we get hitched. I was, he said, his longest relationship since his divorce back in the 70s, which convinced him that he and I were “meant to be”. I couldn’t resist such a romantic declaration, something I had never associated before with marriage.

In our new wills, we have stated that we don’t need each other’s money – so all legacies are going to the younger people in our lives. So we were marrying for strictly sentimental reasons, which has made our relationship all the more tender ever since. We’re still celebrating. 

Another bonus is that now officialdom considers us each other’s next of kin, which matters very much to both of us – especially after Norman’s four-month hospitalisation in 2023 following complications from brain-bleed surgery. Hospitals are bound to take marital status seriously, since at the very least it demonstrates a commitment by the couple to each other that has to be respected when life-changing decisions have to be made. And I’ve come to believe that it’s a matter of self-respect as well as mutual respect to go on to the next logical stage with marriage if a relationship is working well. 

I’ve also found that many other people beyond the medical profession also take us more seriously as a couple since our union was made official, as it were. After all, what argument is there against taking such a simple formal step other than my foolish prejudice about not needing a piece of paper to be a real couple? What’s not to like?  

In fact, I’m rather amazed that more people don’t take the plunge – especially as it’s also the very best excuse for a party.