Here’s what men still don’t understand about women’s sexual desires: Jana Hocking
Men, you’ve gotten one very specific theory about us women oh so wrong.
You see, I stumbled into a conundrum this week that made me realize the statement, “Men are from Mars, women are from Venus” has never been truer than in this current age of dating.
The ways men and women think, date, seduce and flirt are so vastly different that we spend most of our dating years scratching our heads thinking “WTF?” while trying to decipher a confusing text or conversation, or in this case, sexual request.
Yep.
You see, each week I ask my Instagram followers to send me an anonymous Saucy Secret to share with us all.
They NEVER disappoint. From specific kinks to illicit affairs, and epic fails in the bedroom, it’s safe to say there’s never a dull moment.
Lately, I’ve noticed people have also been sending in questions about their sex lives that have got them stumped and I love sharing them because the feedback is always priceless and it’s nice to know we are all a little clueless.
However, when a guy sent in the following confession, I’ll admit I wanted to bang my head against a wall.
Why, for the love of God, would he assume she is cheating? Because men simply can’t read women.
Oh, and I also have a theory that he may be a dirty cheater himself, but we’ll get back to that in a second.
As I unpacked this message with some girlfriends, I was reminded this is not the first time I’ve been asked if I think someone’s wife is cheating because they tried to shake things up in the bedroom.
So, boys, let me be very specific with my answer. NO, she is not cheating on you. Here are some highly probable reasons why she wants to get her kink on:
She’s bored. Oh so bored.
Yes, believe it or not, we women can be a horny bunch.
For some reason, we’ve been stuck with the narrative that men constantly want it, and women would rather not. Umm … no. Our libidos can kick in at any given time.
Sheesh, the week after my period, I have nothing but sex on the brain. Can’t get enough of it. Hormones go wild.
So the fact that she’s asking for something new and specific means she’s trying to get herself out of a boring sex rut.
Let me guess: Your sex life usually consists of a quicky while the kids are asleep or a fast prod before bed.
Snore. She’s keen to explore her fantasies, so instead of being suss, why not punch your fist in the air in celebration and go with it?
She’s been chatting to her friends who are having the time of their (sex) lives.
I’ve seen this happen many times. One of the girls in the friendship group has gotten divorced and is dating up a storm.
As happens when someone hits the market after a long stint on the bench, they tend to go a little wild.
They’re experiencing one-night stands perhaps for the first time, new and exciting naked times with men who aren’t afraid to get a little kinky, or are simply experimenting with new techniques they never tried in their failing marriage.
We women talk, so it’s highly likely the wife is hearing about all these exciting sexcapades and wants in on the action. Heck, it could be just the remedy to spark the love life up again.
She’s done her research and learned how to ask for exactly what she wants.
If you took one look at her recent Google searches, you would probably discover she’s been on a mission to find out how to approach you with her kink.
It’s the reason psychotherapist Esther Perel’s podcast gets millions of downloads, and sex self-help books fly off the shelves — because sex is a tricky topic to bring up for many people and we all need advice from time to time.
One handy piece of advice Perel has given many new couples is, “At the beginning of a relationship, share your kinks early!”
The reason for this is simple: It lets your partner know what you like straight up, and it’s not so awkward later when you want to try something new.
Andrew Scott (the hot priest from “Fleabag”) said in a recent podcast: “You have to be allowed to experiment and make mistakes to find out what you like” — and ain’t that the truth!
So instead of suspecting your poor horny wife is cheating, how about you embrace her newly found libido and enjoy the side effects that come with it: plenty of kinky bedroom action.
Oh, and regarding cheating: I usually find that when a dude is suspicious that his wife is cheating, it’s because he is up to no good.
Perhaps he’s discovered how easy it can be to get away with it, and now the paranoia is kicking in. Just a theory … **raises one eyebrow in a highly judgmental and suspicious way.**
Jana Hocking is a columnist and collector of kind-of boyfriends | @jana_hocking
