Y
ES, Virginia, there is a Santa Claus . . . but not a Second Avenue Subway.
So I think today we should discuss the Second Avenue Subway. Not that I, personally, have any need to discuss the Second Avenue Subway. It’s just that I think somebody should discuss the Second Avenue Subway.
Do New Yorkers know that this project is actually mentioned in the Bible? “And the Lord created all manner of creeping things . . .”
Listen, East 96th looks like we’re hunting bin Laden. Things are torn up, you can’t cross the road, scaffolding’s everywhere. We’re talking rubble and trouble. Merchants have gone bust because nobody can negotiate the street. Barriers have been up in that area since the days of Boss Tweed.
This Christmas, several Hollywood stars want to entertain troops in the war zone. How about they come to the 90s right off the FDR Drive?
The first phase, which so far nobody’s even in, is to start at 105th Street and run down Second Avenue to Lex and 63rd. It’s what they call the “F” station. Believe me . . .
What’s permanently delaying this project? Is it that the MTA is getting letters from muggers demanding safer working conditions?
Are class-action lawyers lobbying for a law that requires straphangers to carry at least $100 so muggers can make a decent living? What?!
One professional pickpocket who works the stations is seriously aggravated. With this new line never getting built, he’s missing a very good year.
I mentioned the subject the other day to a friend who replied: “What’s it your business? Mind your own business.”
The point is, this IS my business. Minding everyone else’s business IS my business. Besides, I love this city. Maybe it needs me to straighten everything out. Maybe if Bloomberg doesn’t run for an 11th term, I’ll go for mayor. The only problem being, Gracie Mansion’s too far east and there’s no transit system there.
One reason for the holdup is the cost. The price tag is a bunch of billions. And Mr. Mayor Bloomberg is already whining that his budget’s as flat as Gwyneth used to be and he’s just going to have to fine more smokers.
But since when has the MTA ever let being in debt keep them from spending extra money?
The only time the subway system works full time is when they picket.
However, I do not wish to knock the mayor. He’s been very supportive of police being stationed in our underground. And it’s been a help. Until today, not one train’s been stolen under 94th Street.
Maybe our Second Avenue Subway has gone the way of our Second Avenue Deli, which is now on 33rd near Third. Maybe it’s already made a detour and is heading for Hell and beyond. Maybe it’s taken its own route, like The Post’s Page Six, which is now on Page 14 or 27.
Somebody said, “The best-laid plans are aft gang a-gley.” I don’t remember who said it – either Shakespeare or Richard Ravitch. But, since the point of transportation is to go somewhere, possibly this operation is right on track. It’s on a par with Washington, DC’s economic czars. Going nowhere.
The best way to put it is: This subway is in a hole.
But it had such good ideas. It was to have escalators, elevators, comfort stations, fire stations, probably even gas stations and hairdresser stations. It was to have ramps for the disabled.
It would go crosstown, uptown, downtown, Midtown, East Side, West Side. You could transfer to the E to the D to the B to the C to the A to the J to the N to the R to the W to the Q to the L. It would connect with the 1, the 2, the 3, the 4, the 5, the 6 and the 7. It would take you to Penn Station, Grand Central, the Financial District, Business District, Fashion District, Diamond District. It would go to Lincoln Center, Rock Center, the Battery Tunnel, Lincoln Tunnel, Holland Tunnel.
Also Bloomingdale’s, Central Park, Canal Street. A friend said: “Listen, If I was planning something that was never, ever going to be built, I would list all these things, too.”
Maybe they should put it out for new bids. Like maybe to Sarah Palin, who knows from how you stick together a bridge to nowhere. Or maybe to those guys who are building, building, building, rebuilding our World Trade Center. Or to Illinois’ governor, who for sure knows how to get things done. Although I know whatever dirt Chicago’s shoveling ain’t going to have stations on it.
New York’s underground transportation system moves like 7 million riders each day – even though it’s not necessarily in the direction they want to go.
So in the meantime, what have our geniuses done? Come up with new ideas. Trains minus seats. OK?
New York, New York. The Bronx is up and the system is down.
With most people, a lie is the last resort. For those who planned our Second Avenue Subway, it’s first aid.