Sunday, Palace Theatre, “Priscilla Queen of the Desert” — from 1994’s Oscar winner about drag queens — opens. I went backstage to meet its head queen. Onstage she’s Berna dette. Offstage he’s Australia’s Shakespearean actor Tony Sheldon.
Through cavernous basement spaces filled with acrylic yellow and red diva wigs, past feathers, boas, rhinestone bibs, a couple of million dollars in glitzy capes, jazzy shoes, sequin jackets, razzmatazz gowns blowing fresh and dry in front of a giant fan, ducking props like cupcakes that light up, around doorways’ multicolored paper arrows pointing to “hair,” makeup,” etc. was Tony/Bernadette’s dressing room.
It was 6 p.m. Preview showtime was 8 p.m. In short babydoll-length bathrobe that just covered what shouldn’t be discovered, he showed me his one-piece bra and corset with laces. Then, painting on eyeliner, he said:
“Mikes go under all this. Often the bust drives itself. Comes right at you or goes away on its own before I can handle it and, because in this show I wear leotards and bathing suits, I’ve been dieting five years. Once a big drinker and chain smoker, now I’m off carbs. It’s strictly salads, tuna, green tea, fruit for breakfast, no food after lunch.
“And a physiotherapist came to check our spines and teach us stretching and to walk in heels. A challenge is dancing nearly three hours in high heel boots and flippers. I’m singing in a lower register, and once the audience buys the part, I sound like Lauren Bacall or Kathleen Turner.
“Casting was difficult. This show alternates between being men and being women. As men they must be convincing, so even if they’re gay they have to appear butch.”
As we spoke, Tony disappeared into Bernadette. Short gray bob (“getting thin because wig clamps are pulling my own hair”), false lashes, mascara, pencilled brows, eye shadow, rouge brushed on, lip pencil, lipstick, almost as much stuff as I use daily.
“Get-ups are not unusual for me,” he said. “It’s a mask. Protection. A license to behave outrageously. To me, this is no more a costume than putting on armor. I come from show business. My mom’s a leading lady in Australia and has been in ‘Pajama Game.’ We grew up in the drag world. And I’ve learned to take the makeup off. Baby oil. Soap, water, then a wet white flannel cloth over my face. Done in 30 seconds.”
About his manicured red nails: “I live in an East Village rental with my partner of 31 years, so on the subway nobody comments, but I tend to keep my hands covered. Onstage I also keep my fingers extended. Never bunch them into fists as men would. Besides that I need to shave my legs, arms and chest.
“Look, I’m a man in my 50s. To play what’s in my character’s heart, I must convince audiences I’m not Tony Sheldon . . . because if I lose them, I can’t get them back.”
EVERYONE, not just me, has knocked this “Spiderman: Stick It Up Your Dark.” But months back I specifically wrote the problem was director Julie Taymor‘s ego, which is why it can’t improve. I specifically said the plot is nonexistent and that I fell asleep during Act 1 and left at intermission. So what are its so-called creators now doing? A) firing Taymor, B) hiring a new director, C) rewriting the pitiful confused plot.
PLEASE, someone stuff a sock in the mouth of Churlish Sheen. Fitness’ Richie Ornstein calls him a schlepe brity. For Easter, the Cadbury Bunny’s bringing him a solid milk chocolate muzzle . . . Since I’m temporarily sworn to silence, please someone tell you the gossip behind the ending of Eliot Spitzer‘s former TV co-host . . . With two houses in Jamaica’s Montego Bay, Ralph Lauren donated a $5,000 Polo gift certificate to its children’s charity event, the Alice in Wonderland Ball . . . In May, Madison Avenue designer Jackie Rogers opening in East Hampton’s Newtown Lane, and come fall another downtown in SoHo.
JOHN Gotti Jr. producing a movie???? It’s what they’re saying . . . Colin Firth to star with Nicole Kidman and Mia Wasikowska (from “The Kids Are All Right”) in “Stoker.” It’s inspired by Bram Stoker’s “Dracula.” Firth’s also to star with Cameron Diaz in the Coen brothers’ “Gambit.” The guy’s hotter than Brad Pitt in his drawers . . . Despite knee replacement in January, Leslie Uggams hopes to make May’s Comden & Green 92nd St. Y program.
JULIANNE Moore to play Sarah Palin in HBO’s “Game Change” about John McCain‘s run for presi dent . . . Tori Spelling walking a pet goat on a leash in her California neighborhood. Calls him “McGoat” . . . Wynonna Judd telling friends, even strangers, it’s serious with a fella named Cactus Moser . . . Wednesday for no reason known to mankind was National Meatball Day. And for no reason known to mankind Daniel Mancini of Mama Mancini’s offered free hot meatball subs on Sullivan Street.
SO this car pulls alongside a street food cart pushing falafel. The Middle Eastern cart owner is angry because the car blocks his sign. A cop tells the driver to move. The driver says: “We’re New Yorkers. Americans. I’m Christian, my passenger is Jewish. And you’re hustling me because a Muslim says so?” The cop made him move.
Only in New York, kids, only in New York.