I'm a guy in my 20s and I've recently split up with my girlfriend of two years. It was her decision and it’s been hard to get my head around because she didn't give much of an explanation, only she didn't feel the same way any more and wanted to focus on her job and her friends.
I thought what we had was the real thing and I miss her every day. I'm not sleeping well, I don't want to go out, and my life isn't the same without her. We haven't had much communication and I've been racking my brains trying to think about what I might have done wrong.
It never occurred to me that someone else might be involved, then I saw her last week sitting on a bench at the station with another guy. She didn't see me and I was careful not to attract her attention. Before the train arrived they stood up and hugged and kissed, and it was obvious they're a couple. I couldn't believe what I was seeing.
There's no way she’s just met this guy, as they looked very close, so she must have been seeing him for a while and lied to me about it. I feel like my heart has been ripped out. How do I move on? I feel stupid and angry, and I can't talk to her about it, as she doesn't want to know. How do I get closure?
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Coleen says
This is the closure. It sounds like your ex probably was seeing this guy for a while, but maybe didn't want to hurt you even more by admitting that. Yes, it’s cowardly, but it's also hard to hurt someone you care about. Maybe she didn't want to twist the knife.
This is difficult for you, especially seeing her kiss someone with your own eyes, and it's going to take some time to get over. You can't just stop loving someone overnight – it doesn't work like that.
But, I promise you, you will get over it. Each day it'll hurt a little less and you'll have bad days, but you have to just fight your way through it.
The anger you're feeling at the moment is because your ego has been given a good kicking. It's natural, but try to channel it in the right way. Don't channel it down the pub – use it to propel yourself forward.
All I can say is, having been through this kind of heartbreak a lot, it does get better and you learn something from every relationship and break-up.
She wasn't the "real thing", but someone else will be, so go out with your friends – even if you have to fake enthusiasm for a while – and one day soon you'll realise you don't have to pretend any more.
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