Opinion |

It’s time to brush up your Shakespeare

Little information about William Shakespeare’s personal life is available, but from municipal records we can deduce that he was born in the English village of Stratford-upon-Avon, in the county of Warwickshire, on April 23, 1564, and that after retiring to his home town around

1612, he died there on April 23, 1616. His life encompassed the greatest achievement ever in language and literature.

As Cole Porter wrote in the musical “Kiss Me Kate”:

The goils today in society

Go for classical poetry,

So to win their hearts,

One must quote with ease

Aeschylus and Euripides.

But the poet of them all

Who will start ‘em simply ravin’

Is the poet people call

The Bard of Stratford-on-Avon.

It has been said that a million monkeys at a million keyboards could produce the complete works of William Shakespeare. Today, thanks to the internet, we know that is not true.

Here are 20 fun riddles about William Shakespeare:

1. What do you call a nervous javelin? A Shake Spear.

2. How do we know that Shakespeare was a pun master? He created many plays on

words.

3. How do we know that Shakespeare threw tantrums? He was always making a scene

4. How do we know that Shakespeare’s wife was also quite verbal? Because Anne Hath A

Way with words.

5. What happened when Shakespeare started writing poetry? He went from Bard to verse.

6. What did Shakespeare say when someone asked him if he was writing a sonnet in

pentameter? “Iamb.”

7. The Bard owned a sporting goods store. What was its ad for the January sale? “Now is

the winter of our discount tents.”

8. Shakespeare and The Beatles walk into a bar. What does the bartender say? “Sorry,

you’re barred and those four guys are banned.”

9. Why did Shakespeare enjoy English class in high school? He didn’t have to study

Shakespeare.

10. Why was Shakespeare a good teammate to have? He would always play write.

11. What happened to the young Shakespearean couple who went out for dinner and

found that the guy had forgotten his wallet? It ended up that Romee owed what Julie et.

12. What is Romeo and Juliet’s least favorite fruit? Cantaloupe.

13. Why would the witches in Macbeth make terrible baseball umpires? Because they

think that “Fair is foul and foul is fair.”

14. What did Lady Macbeth say to her dog? “Out, damned Spot! Out, I say!”

15. Why did Shakespeare write Hamlet with a quill pen rather than a pencil? Because

pencils confused him: 2B or not 2B.

16. In Hamlet, what are the gravediggers engaging in when they unearth the remains of

Yorick? Skull duggery.

17. What did Julius Caesar say when Brutus asked him how many doughnuts he had

eaten? “Et two, Brutus.”

18. What did Julius Caesar die of? Stabbing pains.

19. What did Cleopatra sing when she clasped the asp to her breast? “Fangs for the

Mammaries.”

20. Each spring, what do San Diegans shout? “Once more unto the beach, dear friends!”

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A palindrome is a word, phrase, or sentence that reads the same forwards and backwards, such as A MAN! PLAN! A CANAL! PANAMA! A calendrome is a date that reads the same forwards and backwards. Get ready for a succession of calendromes starting April 20

through April 29 .

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I’ll be performing “Living Will: The Legacy of William Shakespeare” on Saturday, April 20, 2:30 to 3:30 pm, at the Mission Hills-Hillcrest Library, 215 N. Washington St., and on Monday, April 22, 1:30 to 2:30 pm, at the Remington I Movie Room, 16925 Hierba Drive, Rancho Bernardo. Free admission for both events. I’d love to meet you there.

Send your questions and comments about language to richardhlederer@gmail.com website: www.verbivore.com