This week, I’m answering two letters from readers: one who feels like the weakest link on her team and another who doesn’t but is treated as though she is.
‘I’m the Weakest Link on My Team’
Dear Boss,
I work with a very talented team of individuals, and I feel like I can’t operate at their level. I consistently complete fewer tasks than the rest of the team, and I need guidance on things I’ve been working with for years. I’ve improved greatly from where I was when I started two years ago, but I am still frequently lost and unable to complete my work independently. I was never hired to this team; I was placed here as part of a corporate reshuffle. I could never have passed the interview process to land this job.
I’m not smart enough or dedicated enough to be on this team. This sounds like I’m being overly self-deprecating, but every two weeks we review metrics that show I am completing less work than anyone else. My work receives the most corrections, and I’m generally given easier tasks. Last month, a new hire was assigned to redo my work.
There’s no training available outside of asking each other questions. I do ask questions sometimes but not every time I’m confused. It’s humiliating to admit I don’t know something basic, and it feels too late to be demanding that time from everyone else. I don’t think I can ever catch up enough to be a peer to my teammates.
My manager has been positive about my work and praises my progress. My teammates are all very kind and supportive and show no sign of being unhappy with me. But even if they are satisfied, I am not. I hate feeling like a dead weight. Every day, I am reminded that I am the least competent and useful person around, and it really hurts my self-esteem.
I’m lucky to be where I am because I am well compensated and have learned so much from being around smart people. It’s also a fully remote position, which has been a godsend. For these reasons, I think I should stay put and just do the best I can. But I question if I am in the right job, since I don’t have the talent for it and I find it so difficult to cope emotionally with being the worst. I’m curious what you would recommend in this situation.
When I started reading your letter, I initially was going to tell you it isn’t always a terrible thing to be the lowest performer on a team. Someone has to be, after all, and that doesn’t mean that person is incompetent. It can mean they’re good but just not as good as others. Sometimes that’s absolutely fine; many teams need someone to take on the less complex tasks to free others up for work only they can do. If you can play that role capably, it can be very valuable.
But reading further in your letter, it’s so clear you’re unhappy that I question why you’re staying! Just because you were moved into the job doesn’t mean you need to stay in it. You have at least as much input as your employer about whether a position is the right fit for you. If you decide this job isn’t, there’s no shame in moving on to a different one.
I say this because it sounds really awful to regularly feel the way you’re feeling! I’m confident you’re generally capable; the fact that you can see where you’re falling short says you’re a fundamentally competent person — maybe just not at this particular job. So why not look for one where you’ll feel more confident and be better suited to the work, a role where you can bloom and feel successful, rather than constantly worrying that you’re failing?
That said, I do want to urge you to be open to the possibility that things aren’t as bad as you think. You’ve got a manager who praises your work and a supportive team that doesn’t seem unhappy with you. Isn’t it possible that they’re assessing your work differently than you are — maybe evaluating it with different metrics altogether? It may be worth having a candid conversation with your boss in which you share that you feel behind the rest of the team and ask for a blunt assessment of how you’re doing.
Truly, though, if you’re unhappy and the job doesn’t feel like a good fit, you get to move on — no matter what anyone else tells you about how you’re doing. That’s not a failure, and it’s not even a sign you couldn’t cut it. There’s no special merit in staying in a position that’s making you unhappy and where you don’t feel you can thrive.
Related: ‘I’m Afraid I’m Terrible at My New Job’
‘My Co-worker Keeps Telling Me What to Do’
I started an entry-level position a few months ago, and I really enjoy the work. I have learned the role quickly, and my co-workers often tell me they are lucky to have me there.
Recently, they hired another person for the same job as me. She has the same amount of experience as me in the field and we’re roughly the same age. Since our first week working together, she has been telling me how to handle both simple and complex situations, most of which I already know how to handle. This happens multiple times throughout the workday, even if I don’t ask for her help or input. Most of the time, her suggestions are what I was planning on doing anyway.
I’ve been trying to be as humble as possible by just nodding and agreeing, but I’m starting to get annoyed and I wish she wouldn’t tell me what to do unless I ask her. It’s hard to know what to say because she’s really nice and I know she means well. How can I tell her to back off politely?
You don’t necessarily need to have a big sit-down conversation in which you address the pattern. First, try just setting her straight in the moment and see if repeating that approach a few times changes her behavior. For example:
- “I’ve got this, thanks.”
- “Oh, I’ve done this plenty.”
- “Yeah, of course! I’m on it.”
- “Yep, that’s what I’m doing.”
- “Oh, I don’t need any help with this, thanks.”
But if you do that for a while and it continues anyway, it’s fine to say to her, “I’ve noticed you keep telling me how to handle things that come up in my job. I’ll let you know if I ever need help, but most of the time I’ve got it and know what I’m doing.”
Another version of this is: “Have I done something to make you think I don’t know how to handle things like X and Y? You’ve frequently been stepping in and telling me what to do, even on pretty routine pieces of our job, and I’d rather you assume I’ve got it covered unless I specifically ask for help.”
Neither of these approaches is impolite. Your co-worker is the one being impolite by repeatedly stepping in without being asked and treating you like you don’t know how to do your job (a job you’ve been doing for longer than her, no less). You will simply be matter-of-factly addressing a workflow problem.
Related: ‘My Co-worker Keeps Trying to Undermine Me’
Find even more career advice from Alison Green on her website, Ask a Manager. Got a question for her? Email askaboss@nymag.com (and read our submission terms here.)