I miss Long Island already, but with a new break in the case and their sights set on the Westies, our gang is hitting the LIE en route back to the city. That is until their car breaks down, which gives them a moment to go over what they’ve learned. “While we’re waiting, we should probably do a recap,” Mabel says, not realizing that that’s my job. After finding out that the Westies were depositing the late Dudenoff’s checks, their current hypothesis is as follows: Dudenoff had these rent-controlled units and moved the Westies in; they killed him (despite needing him alive to keep their apartments), then killed Sazz when she caught on. See the problem? They don’t have a motive; in fact, they only have a reason why they wouldn’t commit the murder. An anti-motive, if you will. And yet they persist in barking up this tree.
Their actor counterparts aren’t ready to hand over the reins of this investigation just yet, so they all decide to meet up and figure out what their next move will be — but they can’t deliberate at the Arconia … on account of the murders. So they go to the next best thing: the replica of the Arconia where they’re shooting the movie. But how are they going to get the Westies to talk? Eugene’s proposal is to invite them to “Tony Danza’s 35th Annual It’s Time to Wear White Pants Extravadanza,” which is the planza I’m rooting for because that’s an event I want to see on my screen. However, Eva thinks they should surprise them with a “ding-dong.” Not the Hostess treat, but a phrase used to describe when a sexy surprise arrives at the door on soapy television — like Edie Britt saying, “Hi, I’m the whore that lives down the street.” But instead, they land on the simpler plan — inviting the Westies over for a star-studded game of Oh Hell.
As this plan comes together, and Charles gets closer and closer to having to potentially confront Sazz’s killer, we see his emotions begin to bubble up. Normally, he’s able to suppress what we find out are serious anger issues by channeling that energy into straightening up, but this case is testing his restraint — and Eugene is fascinated by it. Thinking it’ll help add dimension to his character, Eugene is eager to see him erupt and spends the episode making messes hoping it’ll trigger an outburst he can study. The show featuring this trio of actors could have simply just been used as a fun, recurring punch line throughout the season, but instead, it’s utilizing that dynamic in a really interesting way. We get to explore these characters from a totally new perspective as Eugene, Eva, and Zach try to study and understand their psyches — and we also get to see our trio confronted with their own quirks via these characterizations.
When it’s finally time for game night, the Westies all arrive in good spirits, and how can you not be with ham in tow? But keep in mind, as we saw at the end of last week’s episode, the Westies know that the trio is on to them. And the trio realizes this the second the Westies lock the door, wield a machete, and collect all of their phones — a telltale sign of a game night going awry. But normally, the machete doesn’t come out until Monopoly gets heated. The Westies demand to finally say their piece, but a murder confession isn’t what we get.
Instead, the episode is largely a Westie origin story — with each of them detailing how they first met Milton Dudenoff. The sauce family used to serve Dudenoff at their restaurant, while Rudy and Vince were both his film students. Rudy’s story does involve him performing the monologue from A Few Good Men, but if the show were braver, it would have shown the whole thing. And if it were really brave, the monologue would have been Marisa Tomei’s from My Cousin Vinny … but alas. These origin stories are a little bit of a digression, but it feels important to see how this motley crew of Westies, the Dudenettes, if you will, came together. It also demonstrates that their relationships with each other and Dudenoff go beyond just real estate — instead, the real-estate deal was just a by-product of their friendship. He gave them those apartments, a life-changing deal, because he cared about them, and that feeling was mutual.
Their story is that Dudenoff broke the law to help them achieve their dreams (of living in a really nice Upper West Side apartment), he eventually went off to Portugal to live out his own dream, and they haven’t heard from him since. Not a very productive interrogation … that is until there’s a ding-dong at the door.
That’s right: Mabel took Eva Longoria’s advice and took a page from the Desperate Housewives playbook to bring in a ringer. Helga — the pig owner who had been unceremoniously scratched out from the Westie group photo, and whose voice we heard on the ham radio frantically sending warnings to the trio. We had been told she was Rudy’s crazy ex, but it turns out that was another lie. Instead, she was Dudenoff’s locksmith, who bonded with him over their mutual love of Oh Hell and Perfect Strangers. He also reminded her of her late father, and soon enough, she was a member of the gang, too.
So imagine how distressing it was for her when he suddenly disappeared, leaving only a note, which she received just as the building had one of its infamous incinerator-caused power surges. The other Westies began acting odd following that disappearance, especially once the podcast came out, and soon enough, Helga started to suspect that they might have had something to do with Dudenoff’s absence. Nonetheless, the Westies maintain that Dudenoff is alive and well in Portugal.
Luckily, Mabel has a shoulder replacement to dispute that claim — which forces the truth to finally come out. The other Westies also received a note from Dudenoff that night, summoning them to his “funeral” in the basement, where he told them that he’s been given only a few months left to live. Since he doesn’t want this community he created via illegal apartment units to die with him, he hatched a plan. He took pills to kill himself and asked the Westies to cover up his death by putting his body in the incinerator — that way, they could keep their apartments so long as they kept him “alive.” Now, couldn’t he have also just left the apartments to them in his will? I’m not a real-estate expert, so I’ll just give him the benefit of the doubt and assume that this is the easiest way of accomplishing that goal. However, I have to wonder.
He also instructs them not to tell Helga, who already had to grieve through losing one father figure. But in the event that she does catch on or blames the Westies, he records a message to her that explains the plot and clears their names — which they finally show her. I understand the intention to protect her, but the cover-up is always worse than the crime, and Helga being left to think that all of her dear friends killed her father figure is far more damaging than just having to grieve normally. Let this be a cautionary tale — never exclude your friends from your crimes; the friendship might never recover.
The truth, while a different crime in and of itself, does clear the Westies’ names when it comes to murder. And since murder, rather than real-estate fraud, is the subject of the trio’s podcast, they’re off the hook. Even though Eva Longoria managed to secretly record this powwow on her high-tech face laser, as Eva Longoria is wont to do, Mabel decides that none of this will be used for the podcast, and they promise to keep the Westies’ secret.
The Westies proved to be a fun reflection of Charles, Mabel, and Oliver — another unlikely group that became a found family within the Arconia. Whereas our trio came together over the podcast, this group came together through Milton Dudenoff and their shared love of a card game. Having experienced that herself with Charles and Oliver and knowing its value, Mabel doesn’t want to disrupt that special bond — even if it means burying what would be a phenomenal episode of the podcast.
So they’re back to square one. We have no reason to believe that the killer is no longer watching them, but that doesn’t seem to be quite as much of a concern as it was last week for some reason. But I guess without any lead in sight, what are they supposed to do about it? Certainly not go back to Long Island. If only they were granted one of those soapy, revelatory ding-dongs whenever they hit a wall like this, Mabel says. And right as she does, someone arrives at the door, right on cue.
Helga is back, with more intel that she didn’t get a chance to bring up earlier — about Sazz, whom she had connected with over the ham radio. Helga reveals that Sazz would talk about her protégé, a stuntman on a movie called Project Ronkonkoma, who had “messed up pretty badly” and was harassing her. Sazz also called him dangerous and said he was going to be the death of her. Helga, you idiot, this was important information to have much sooner than now! Shouldn’t tall women look out for each other? They rush to IMDb to see who this mysterious new suspect is, and sure enough, it’s none other than Glen Stubbins, a.k.a. Irish Paul Rudd. Who woulda thought?
But Glen is currently in the hospital after getting shot at the film’s photo shoot, and it’s safe to assume that he didn’t shoot himself. So what is going on? Even if Glen is responsible for killing Sazz, we’ve now also got someone who’s trying to kill Glen? Killers killing killers? This is anarchy.