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Quote Machine

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    J.J. Abrams Always Wanted to Write Something About Edith Head“Oh my God, I’m such a fat kid. I need Edith Head to make me look thin.”
    By Kyle Buchanan
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    Why Are You Ruining Andrew Garfield’s Life?“Those events that look like so much fun in the photos you see — it’s mostly people looking over their shoulders at everyone. They’re miserable, those parties.”
    By Kyle Buchanan
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    Quote Machine: Udo Kier Edition“I don’t want too many directions on how to act with Pamela Anderson. Can I just smell her in the film?”
    By Willa Paskin
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    Betty White’s Comeback Reaches Its Thrilling ApexPlus: Paul Auster not listening to critics.
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    Jennifer Lopez Not Quite Sure What ‘Superstar’ MeansPlus: Judd Apatow is so not punk rock.
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    Jake Gyllenhaal Kick-starts Anne Hathaway’s Oscar CampaignPlus: Will Ferrell, shoplifter.
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    Kanye Catches 127 Hours FeverPlus: Whoopi Goldberg no rocket scientist.
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    Justin Bieber Corrects the Record, FinallyPlus: ‘SpongeBob Squarepants’ makes model cry.
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    Quote MachinePlus: Justin Bieber wants to set the record straight.
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    Chris Pine Saves Runaway BurritoPlus: Betty White, stair master.
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    James Lipton to Blame for Noomi Rapace’s InterviewsPlus: False-teeth tips from Helena Bonham Carter.
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    Evan Rachel Wood Still an EnigmaPlus: Taylor Swift is just so wonderful.
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    Semi-Incestuous Modern Family Crush Narrowly AvoidedPlus: Waiting 30 minutes to respond to texts doesn’t help Taylor Swift either.
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    ‘How Strange’ That Nobody Wants Wesley Snipes for a Blade SequelPlus: Universal to just call everything the “Bourne” something.
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    Jason Schwartzman Prefers His Male Nudity LetterboxedPlus: Are angels fans of ‘Outsourced’?
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    Taylor Swift’s Boyfriends Were Warned About Her MeannessPlus: T-Pain gives nacho advice.
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    Actors These Days Are Always Mumbling Around Ernest BorgninePlus: A-Trak better at D.J.-ing in real life than in video games.
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    Tina Fey to Sleep Through Tonight’s 30 RockPlus: Chilean miners’ rescue calls for #fistpumps.
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    The Situation Is Enough of a Jackass to Be Played by Will ArnettPlus: Don’t let John Malkovich near horses.
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    Jane Lynch to Steal Don Draper’s IdentityPlus: Kristin Chenoweth not a scientist.
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    Zach Galifianakis Does Double DutyPlus: Zach Galifianakis has no problem sleeping with his directors.
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    Taylor Swift’s Personal Life a Roller-Coaster Ride of Names, Dates, TimesPlus: Martha Plimpton coins the phrase “beige trash.”
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    Josh Duhamel Would Rather Be Kissing Josh KelleyPlus: Zack Snyder feels super awesome.
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    Guillermo del Toro Will Bring Hellboy 3 to YouPlus: Guy from the Avett Brothers blown away by all this banjo-playing.
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    Ronnie Impugns Chair’s Dancing AbilityPlus: Hamilton Leithauser doesn’t like Ice-T as much as he used to.
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    Killing People a Real Stress-Reliever for Michael C. HallPlus: “Jane Lynch scares me.”
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    Jason Schwartzman Not Even Famous Enough to Have Pizza DeliveredPlus: Mark Ronson to say horrible things about self.
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    Jesse Eisenberg’s Therapist Is Going to Be RichPlus: Andrew Garfield is tired of looking at pictures of his friends.
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    Now That Zack Snyder Mentions It, The Fish of Ga’Hoole Sounds Like a Much Better IdeaPlus: Mindy Kaling wants her nosebleeds to mean something.
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    Dancing With the Stars Judges Must Be BlindPlus: Faye from ‘Mad Men’ could use a drink.
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    Look Out, Tofu, Lady Gaga’s Coming for YouPlus: Steve Martin hangs with squirrels.
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    Megan Fox Will Miss Shia, Her Transformers PantsPlus: Big Boi fails his driver’s test.
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    Fake Sex Hazardous to Emma Stone’s HealthPlus: You’ve got Snooki all wrong.
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    Traffic Cop Saves New JerseyPlus: Ryan Reynolds to write a cookbook.
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    Ryan Reynolds Spent Months Inside Alec BaldwinPlus: Aaron Sorkin needs Facebook lessons.
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    Black Swan Will Scare the Ellipsis Out of YouPlus: Emma Stone thrilled to overpay for salad.
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    Drake Announces Hugging Plans for the WeekendPlus: Tommy Lee no longer least responsible member of his family.
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    This Is Mike Tyson’s Biggest RegretPlus: Taylor Momsen burns dog’s balls.
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    Norm Macdonald’s Letterman Impression OkayedPlus: Maybe Rivers Cuomo is still kinda immature.
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    Elliott Gould Recalls First MooningPlus: No one recognizes Vienna Girardi anymore.
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    Danny Trejo Honored Not to Have to Wear TightsPlus: You want to get close to Justin Bieber?
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    Jon Hamm’s Handsomeness All an ActPlus: Jonathan Franzen thinks he looks shifty.
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    Kristen Bell’s Dream of Having Tons of Acne Crushed by DisneyPlus: Madonna’s upcoming movie to star Madonna’s furniture.
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    Glee Actors: Broke, HungryPlus: January Jones denies reports that Jason Sudeikis has seen her naked.
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    LCD Soundsystem to Just Make Unprofessional Albums From Now OnPlus: John Mayer might have said a smart thing.
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    Matt Damon Expecting Fourth ChildPlus: Drew Barrymore rips woman’s face off.
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    Please Let Paul Rudd Be an American Idol JudgePlus: If only Justin Bieber were of legal age.
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    Bryan Cranston: Not ActingGreg Grunberg excited to be done with calzones.
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    Peeing on a Boat Not As Fun As It Sounds, Claims Adam ScottPlus: Christina Applegate responsible for all the smut on TV.
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    Dr. Dre Laughed at Eminem’s ‘Weenie’Plus: Ne-Yo comes to Rihanna’s forehead’s defense.
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