Quelles sont les étapes à suivre pour entamer une conversation difficile au travail ?

In my experience, we often don't have the luxury of preparing for difficult conversations as thoroughly as we'd like. Ideally, we would, but that's simply not the reality of life. It's crucial to invest time in developing and practicing your skills beforehand. The "muscle memory" gained from practice will support you, whether or not you have time to fully prepare when an issue escalates to the point of needing a crucial conversation.

To be more specific, begin by clarifying your intention. Ask yourself, "What do I want to achieve with this conversation?" Second, identify your assumptions my asking these two questions. "What am I believing and feeling about this person or this situation?" and What is this person believing and feeling about me in this situation?" If you find that you have negative thoughts and feelings about the person you want to talk to, then you can't hold the conversation until those feelings subside. Your negativity will spill over into your tone and the words you use. In essence your feelings will color the fabrique of the conversation.

Difficult conversations, by nature, are emotionally charged. And once high emotions are triggered, it's hard to continue a constructive conversation. To have any chance of succeeding , you need to: 1. Set a clear goal for the outcome of the conversation. 2. Understand what is the intention of the other party. 3. Know what are their triggers and motivators - what do they want most, on a deeper level? Psychological safety, recognition, power are some examples.

Each person only cares about their own benefit - whether it's something they want or something they wish to avoid. By starting the conversation acknowledging what they care about, you lessen the "me vs you" adversarial role to move towards a collaborative conversation.

Exactly Natalie, when we trigger our mind to focus on a win-win solution, where both sides have at least partially their necessities achieved, then we maximize the optimal solution. The key ability for it is to be able to recognize the other side's minimum necessity to be achieved.

I would use what I call an Attention Check. Take your intent that you identified and put it into a statement and then end with a question. It would sound like this: "I would like to talk about how I could be more effective in giving you exactly what you want. Could we talk about that?" Be sure that your Attention Check is either neutral or positive. The one above is positive. If you were going neutral, it would sound like this, "I would like to talk about something that is important to me. Can we talk?" The purpose of beginning in this way is to garner the attention of your listener. You will create curiousity and attention in your listener. Once you have begun you are off to a great start.

To do this avoid the use of "you" which comes across as an accusation. Instead use, "I" statements to take ownership and soften any use of you that you may offer. For example, say that this person has been coming in late to work the last four days. You might say, "I noticed that you have been late for work the last four day. I am wondering of there is something going on that I am not aware of. How can I help?" Notice that I shared the facts in the situation and then what those facts caused me to think. Then I asked a question to create contribution on the part of my listener.

This point drives me nuts. What is active listening? There are many components of this skill. Go ask Google which will provide a number of behaviors that encompass active listening. There are books on this topic, and everyone would do well to become better at this skill.

I would ask the other person to create the solution before offering my solution to the problem. By asking them, you are going to learn what they know and how they are thinking about the situation. If the solution they offer is not what you want, then I would offer the solution that you want and be sure to explain "why" you want them to do as you ask. Don't assume that they will understand the reasoning behind your request.

I'm not a fan of difficult conversations but I'm highly cognizant of their value in driving positive change. Typically, I tend to believe that it is slightly less disconcerting to hold such conversations if you afford the other person a certain degree of grace. We all lead lives that are intimate, complex, overwhelming and wonderful. There are bound to be great strengths and great shortcomings. If you enter a difficult conversation with a mindset that allows for misalignment, you stand to gain two things in return—(a) you will understand your own threshold for tolerance, and (b) you will know how to put your point across without stripping the other person of their dignity and integrity.