[Verse 1]
Well, I saw it advertised one day
That the Bear Mountain picnic was coming my way
"Come along and take a trip
We'll bring you up there on a ship
Bring the wife and family
Bring the whole kids"
Yippee

[Verse 2]
Well, I run right down and bought a ticket
To this thing called the Bear Mountain picnic
Little did I realize
I was in for a pleasant, funny surprise
Had nothing to do with picnic
Didn't come close to a mountain
And I hate bears

[Verse 3]
Took the wife and kids down to the pier
There were six thousand people there
Everybody had a ticket for the trip
"Oh well," I said "it's a pretty big ship
Besides, anyhow, the more the merrier"

[Verse 4]
Well, we all got on, and what do you think?
That big old boat started to sink
More people kept a-piling on
That old ship was a-going down
Funny way to start a picnic

[Verse 5]
Well, I soon lost track of my kids and wife
So many people, I never saw in my life
That old ship was sinking down in the water
There was six thousand people trying to kill each other
Dogs a-barking, cats a-screaming
Women a-yelling, men a-flying, fists a-flying
Paper flying, cops a-coming, me a-running
Maybe we just better call off the picnic

[Verse 6]
I got shoved down, got pushed around
All I remember was a moanin' sound
Don't remember one thing more
All I remember is waking up on the shore
My arms and legs were broken
My feet were splintered, my head was cracked
I couldn't walk, I couldn't talk, smell, feel
Couldn't see
Didn't know where I was
I was bald
Quite lucky to be alive though

[Verse 7]
Well, feeling like I just climbed out of my casket
I grabbed back hold of my picnic basket
Took the wife and kids and started home
Wishing I'd never got up that mornin'

[Verse 8]
Now, I don't care just what you do
If you want a have a picnic, that's up to you
But don't tell me about it, I don't want to hear it
You see, I just lost all my picnic spirit
Stay in my kitchen, have a picnic
Have a picnic in my bathroom

[Verse 9]
Well, it don't seem to me quite so funny
What some people are gonna do for money
There's a brand new gimmick every day
Just to take somebody's money away
I think we ought to take some of these people
Put 'em on a boat
Send 'em up to Bear Mountain for a picnic