[Robert Foster]
Good afternoon, Rap News is back on-line
Today we take on and analyse one of the most intractable, divisive
Ongoing violent divides to happen in our time:
The sixty-year conflict going on betwixt Israel and Palestine
Is there a One State, Two State, or No straight solution to this protracted fight?
From Camp David to Madrid, Taba to Oslo, for decades back in time
All peace-talks have devolved into violent rows
And roadmaps to peace have led nowhere but more war. Until now
Welcome to the first Middle East Peace Raps, this afternoon
Rap News is proud of this tremendous chance to prove
That the peace-filled art of rap could chart the best road-map to start anew
So, first up, Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu

[Benjamin Netanyahu]
Shalom! Bibi been ready this whole time
To engage the peace process with war crimes... I mean raw rhymes

[Robert Foster]
Alright, well, we'd like to bring the whole story to light
Please begin by telling us Israel's side. How did this war arise?

[Benjamin Netanyahu]
The fact is, my people have suffered awful tragedies
Centuries of persecution, diaspora; we were slaughtered, massacred
In the Shoah, Hitler tried to have us wiped off the map
And thus we sought a safe harbour; a place to gather us
Some told us "go to Argentina"; others, "go to Uganda"
But we said, "go fuck yourselves", and like Exodus we came back
To our biblical homeland: Eretz Ysrael, which the Lord handed us
And then in 1948 we declared the birth of the Jewish State

[Robert Foster]
Your people have indeed suffered massively, unimaginably
And should have sanctuary, not just in the Middle East, but wherever they happen to be
However, isn't the Holy Land holy also to Christians and Muslims?
How can you claim that only Jews own the land, and exclude them?

[Benjamin Netanyahu]
With the Six Day War, we fulfilled our Zionist covenant
Invaded Jerusalem, the West Bank, Golan and Gaza, taking all of it

[Robert Foster]
The "occupied territories..."

[Benjamin Netanyahu]
Then on the seventh day we rested
And when all the world's nations witnessed this great event, they...

[Robert Foster]
Condemned it?

[Benjamin Netanyahu]
What?

[Robert Foster]
It seems the U.N. issued Resolution 242...

[Benjamin Netanyahu
Oy vey!

[Robert Foster]
Calling on Israel to give back those territories and withdraw troops...

[Benjamin Netanyahu]
Hey, hey!
Are you denying the legitimacy of the Jewish State?

[Robert Foster]
Er... I'm just trying to...

[Benjamin Netanyahu]
Anti-Semite!

[Robert Foster]
Wait... what?

[Benjamin Netanyahu]
Everybody! This guy's a Nazi!

[Robert Foster]
Ok, ok... just let's relax...

[Benjamin Netanyahu]
Jew-hater!

[Robert Foster]
We've yet to ask the rival party
We now cross direct to Gaza to check the raps
Of a Palestinian spokesperson, representing Hamas

[Hamas spokesperson]
Salam! As you can see, we are ready to talk peace
But only within the 1967 borders... Will we recognise Israel, and sign deals

[Benjamin Netanyahu]
Oh yeah? Recognise THIS!
KAPOW! Hamas? Now He looks more like hummus!
What a mess!

[Robert Foster]
Mr. Netanyahu, you killed him

[Benjamin Netanyahu]
I guess!
But it was in self-defence

[Robert Foster]
No it wasn't...

[Benjamin Netanyahu]
Yes it was. Yes!
Check out the news coverage from the U.S

[Brian Washington]
I'm Brian Washington; you're on MSMBS
Tonight's Headlies: Peace process shattered yet again
By unprovoked attacks from A-rab terrorists
Israel retaliates with airstrikes - in self-defense
Meanwhile, in the West Bank, Palestinian suicide homes
Are ramming themselves into peaceful Israeli bulldozers
Israel's under threat; which is why, as shown on this map
Its settlements have umm... steadily expanded
How can we end this injustice?
To explain we welcome John Kerry: Settler-tary of State

[John Kerry]
Great to be back, Bucky, and don't you stress a bit
American taxpayers have got Israel covered til armageddon hits
No country gets more US foreign aid sent to it
A hundred and forty billion dollars since the seventies
Plus military weaponry. No conditions or strings with it

[Brian Washington]
No conditions at all?

[John Kerry]
Well, we would prefer it better if they could kindly stop
Using our money to build new illegal settlements...

[Benjamin Netanyahu]
What did you say, you schmuck?

[John Kerry]
Bibi! ...oh, haha, no, I was just telling them...

[Benjamin Netanyahu]
Just keep sending the money, shmekeleh?

[John Kerry]
Yessir! We'll write the cheque
Wait, we're getting a call from some Jewish guy in Brooklyn
He's on the line with us

[Benjamin Netanyahu]
An American Jew? He's bound to be pro-Zionist!
Let him speak

[Norman Finkelstein]
Hello, MSMBS?

[Brian Washington]
Umm... Yes? you're on the screen

[Norman Finkelstein]
This is Norman Finkelstein
Ringing in to state the truth in this case:
Israel is a Lunatic State
It's no excuse, to steal Palestinian land because Jews suffered genocide at Hitler's hand

[Benjamin Netanyahu]
Hah! A self-hating Jew! Everybody, this guy's an Ashke-Nazi!

[Norman Finkelstein]
Shut up, Bibi. And I also condemn American policy
Of funding the theft of Palestinian territories...

[Brian Washington]
Ok, Funkelstein, we get the gist of all of this!
Now, where were we; financing war crimes?

[John Kerry]
That's a straight fact

[Brian Washington]
Well done, America

[John Kerry]
Thank AIPAC, they got us by taint sac
So we have to wave that star of David flag

[Brian Washington]
But it's worth paying cash to have Israel's back

[John Kerry]
That's true: They're the only nation in the Muslim backwoods
That shares our American values

[Brian Washington]
Give us some examples...

[John Kerry]
We both love trampling international law...

[Benjamin Netanyahu]
Constantly
We're both nuclear states... and "Democracies"

[Benjamin Netanyahu]
With terrorist foreign policies

[John Kerry]
And, obviously

[Benjamin Netanyahu]
Both America and Israel...

[John Kerry]
Were built by occupying territories of native peoples

[Benjamin Netanyahu & John Kerry]
We're both settler colonies...

[Brian Washington]
Awesome! ...publicity time! keep your eyes on the screen

[Scarlett Johansson]
Hey, I'm Scarlett Johansson
And my real job is promoting illegal occupations
It's easy: you start by taking other peoples' land and water;
Send in Zionist settlers;
Push the natives out of their homes causing bloodshed;
And look: Settler's Dream. Better for Israel, and all of us

[Brian
- Mmm... ScarJo...looks delicious And what's more
It reminds me of our very own sponsor
Redskin Geno-cider: "flavour of the American nation..."

[John
- Bloody good

[Benjamin
- Tasteful...

[Robert
- So Israel is a settler-colony, like Canada, America and...

[Ken
- Australia!

[Rober
- Our colonial assessor, is in the area!
Does Israel pass the test, Ken Oathcarn?

[Ken
- Ken Oathcarn, yeah
I'm in Jerusalem

[Robert
- And what's going on over there?

[Ken Oathcarn]
- I'm celebrating the day of Israel's birth Yom Ha'atzmaut
Which roughly translates to 'Australia Day'!
And Wow! It's like back home: Barbies! flags! beer!
So in solidarity I got the end of me knob chopped off, it's patriotic apparently

[Robert Foster]
What do Palestinians make of this day?

[Ken Oathcarn]
I dunno, ey...

[Robert Foster]
Hmm... perhaps you should ask them

[Ken Oathcarn]
Ok. I'll ask the natives. wait...
Oi, hello? Can you hear me?

[DAM]
Salam!

[Ken Oathcarn]
Hey! How do you celebrate this wonderful day?

[DAM]
We natives participate with smiling face in this party, mate
Just like your Aboriginal people on 'Invasion Day'

[DAM]
I was cast out from the lands of my mom and my father
Now I dance as an outcast to the Bombs over Gaza
[ARABIC] And we sing, 'Israel, your independence is our Catastrophe'
And we sing: 'Israel: Your independence is our Nakba'

[Ken Oathcarn]
Sounds great! I love a party with a snack-bar

[DAM]
Not a snack-bar, Crocodile Dundee... Nakba...
It means 'catastrophe'

[Ken Oathcarn]
Antisemantic!

[DAM]
It's far from truth We are far from home, as zionism is far from Jews
How can I explain to you... We lost our rights that day... and our barbecues!

[Ken Oathcarn]
No barbies? That's a tragedy. How can we help you'se?

[DAM]
[ARABIC] You should BDS, it means boycott, that's the solution
[ARABIC] So those who travel to enjoy Tel Aviv ‪are viewed the same
[ARABIC] As those who travelled to enjoy South Africa
[ARABIC] Your country is driven by crazy settler's mentality
[ARABIC] And we are demanding a country that has sanity and logic in it‬
[ARABIC] Not a country just for the Jews
[ARABIC] But a country for Jews, Christians AND Muslims
[ARABIC] For Yossi, for Aboud for Jeries, ... and for Mel Gibson
[ARABIC] What the fuck? What has Mel Gibson got to do with it?
[ARABIC] FREEEEEEEDOM!

[Robert Foster]
Well... it seems that despite the use of rap and rhyme
We've failed to seal a real peace deal between Israel and Palestine
Nevertheless, I hope we've expanded our minds
And are prepared to share some final thoughts before we wrap for the night
This might seem like some battle entwining other people, in another time
But in fact it mirrors back our own greatest challenge:
To live side by side
No matter race, flags, or which invisible man we pray to in the sky
And that is why there'll be peace nowhere, until there's peace in Palestine
"The Wall is over - if we want it", to borrow Lennon's line
It was pressure from outside that ended the crime of apartheid;
That turned terrorists into winners of the peace prize
The question is, can we learn history's lessons
And apply them in our time?
When we analyse our direction, it's clear where the answers lie
Does any State hold the power to change the tide?
Or is the One Safe solution for us to unify rather than divide
Not just in the Middle East but globally, far and wide?
Goodnight