[Verse 1]
Oh, well, imagine
As I'm pacing the pews in a church corridor
And I can't help but to hear
No, I can't help but to hear an exchanging of words
"What a beautiful wedding!
What a beautiful wedding!”, says a bridesmaid to a waiter
"And yes, but what a shame, what a shame
The poor groom's bride is a whore"

[Chorus]
I chime in with a, "Haven't you people ever heard of
Closing the goddamn door?!"
No, it's much better to face these kinds of things
With a sense of poise and rationality
I chime in, "Haven't you people ever heard of
Closing the goddamn door?!"
No, it's much better to face these kinds of things
With a sense of

[Verse 2]
Oh, well, in fact
Well, I'll look at it this way
I mean, technically our marriage is saved
Well, this calls for a toast, so pour the champagne
Oh! Well, in fact
Well, I'll look at it this way
I mean, technically our marriage is saved
Well, this calls for a toast, so pour the champagne
Pour the champagne

[Chorus]
I chimed in with a, "Haven't you people ever heard of
Closing a goddamn door?!"
No, it's much better to face these kinds of things
With a sense of poise and rationality
I chime in, "Haven't you people ever heard of
Closing the goddamn door?!"
No, it's much better to face these kinds of things
With a sense of

[Post-Chorus]
Poise and rationality
Again

[Chorus]
I chimed in, "Haven't you people ever heard of
Closing a goddamn door?!"
No, it's much better to face these kinds of things
With a sense of poise and rationality
I chime in, "Haven't you people ever heard of
Closing the goddamn door?!"
No, it's much better to face these kinds of things
With a sense of

[Post-Chorus]
Poise and rationality
Again
I said, "Haven't you people ever heard of
Closing a goddamn door?!" No