[Spoken Intro: Vanessa & Dr. Doofenshmirtz]
Dad?
Oh, hi, Vanessa!
Dad, what are you doing?

[Verse 1: Dr. Doofenshmirtz & Kids]
Well, I'll be honest, I don't really understand
But I fell down this hill and I got glue on my hands
Now I got records on my fingers
(Whaaaat?)
Records on my fingers
I got records on my fingers and I just can't stop
(Don't stop)
I can't stop

[Chorus: Dr. Doofenshmirtz & Kids]
I got a platypus controlling me
(WHAAAAT?)
I got a platypus controlling me

[Verse 2: Dr. Doofenshmirtz & Kids]
Now let me sum it up
It was a strange set of circumstances
(Strange set of circumstances?)
I fell down the hill, I got glue on my hands now I got records on my fingers
And I just can't stop
(Don't stop, don't stop)
Well I would if I was able
There's a platypus controlling me he's underneath the table
(There's a platypus controlling him—WHAAAT?)

[Interlude: Kids, Kid #1 & Kid #2]
Oh, I get it, platypus is a metaphor for whatever is keeping you down
Like, corporations are a platypus
The government's a platypus
Your teacher is a platypus
My teacher is a panda
Society's a platypus
My parents are a platypus
The media's a platypus
It's all just propaganda

[Bridge: Kids & Dr. Doofenshmirtz]
Yeah, we all got a platypus controlling us
(No, just me)
We all got a platypus controlling us
(I'd stop if I was able)
We all got a platypus controlling us
(I'm not speaking metaphorically)

[Outro: Dr. Doofenshmirtz]
The platypus controlling me is underneath the table
Oh wait, no, he's gone!
Heyyy! There's no platypus controlling me...
There's no platypus controlling me!