It’s that time of year again! No, not Christmas (which seems to have arrived annoyingly early again) – time for Paul Hollywood and Prue Leith to host a garden party and give out the silver Bake Off cake stand to this year’s winner! Excited? Me neither.
Over the past few years, I’ve struggled to enjoy The Great British Bake Off as much as I used to. Perhaps that’s down to my own dwindling joie de vivre – I was 14 years younger when it was first broadcast in 2010, after all – but I know I’m not alone in thinking that something has been, frankly, wrong with Bake Off for the past series.
It’s hard to put your finger on exactly what has gone wrong – there have been no scandals (unlike some other similar TV competitions, ahem, Strictly) and the series stays largely inoffensive. But the magic has certainly gone – it’s no longer a must-watch, no longer a series that gets discussed in the office kitchen the next day.
Viewing figures have been on a downward slope, too – only 3.9 million watched last week’s semi-final; last year’s final pulled in 4.38 million, the lowest ratings since it made its Channel 4 premiere in 2017). The last final to be shown on the BBC was watched by 14.9 million people – make of that what you will…
But I believe there’s still life to be found in the stale sponge. Channel 4 bosses, if you’re reading this, I offer my services on how to bring Bake Off back to its former glory:
Turn the air-con on
When the bakers practise their creations pre-filming, it’s unlikely that they do so outside, under a blistering June sun, with limited fridge space. When they step foot in the sweltering Berkshire tent, they are immediately on the back foot, facing the elements they couldn’t have possibly prepared for. And what a coincidence that the hottest day of the year always happens to coincide with the day they are tasked with making baked Alaska…
If there’s one thing I can’t abide in TV competitions, it’s manufactured drama, and while the anxiety of watching ice cream drip down the side of the cupboards makes for “better” (read: exaggerated) TV, I don’t want to see anyone set up to fail. I tune into Bake Off to see bakes I could never make, not melting messes.
And when bakers start to feel ill and faint (in the second episode of the current series we saw Dylan feel poorly, Illiyin pass out and Jeff quit altogether), all the fun is drained from Bake Off. Installing air-con is such a simple fix, but one that would make a big difference to both us at home and the bakers just trying to do a good job.
Give the bakers more time
Speaking of manufactured drama, I’ve had enough of Paul and Prue complaining of underproved bread and underbaked sponge when they know full well that the contestants weren’t given enough time. I understand that timed challenges add an element of jeopardy to proceedings (no matter how much bunting they put up, this is a TV programme, not a village fête), but we tune into marvel at success – a lion with a particularly impressive mane made out of bread, a cake that looks remarkably like a watermelon – not to see bakers flapping and failing due to time constraints completely out of their control.
If Bake Off is supposed to be a test of baking skills alone – rather than, say, time management or anxiety levels or riskiness – then producers would give the bakers ample (though not unlimited) time to complete their creations to the best of their ability. It won’t take away the element of competition – even with all the time in the world, some bakes will inevitably go wrong – but it will give everyone a fair shot at producing their best work.
Let Alison host alone
No one will ever come close to Mel and Sue. There I said it. They were effortlessly funny, generous with the bakers and began the great Bake Off tradition of making every innuendo available. But they also melted into the background, allowing the bakers to shine on their own. No one has emulated their winning formula so brilliantly – until Alison Hammond.
She might be a star in her own right and a queen in the “hun” community, but she’s also incredibly normal (she found fame on a reality TV contest, too; she was on 2002’s Big Brother) and approaches the bakers with kindness and understanding – even reverence. She doesn’t prance around the tent in unfathomably skinny jeans, spiky boots and cartoon knit jumpers – sorry Noel – taking the limelight from the bakers for whom this is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. Alison is more than capable of hosting Bake Off on her own.
Stop making up themes
Sorry, what on earth is “Botanicals Week”? Over the years, Bake Off has been getting more and more inventive (and I mean this derogatorily) with its themed weeks. This year new themes have included the ridiculous “Autumn Week” and “1970s Week”, ideas that sound like they were fished out of the paper bin when Channel 4 told producers they wanted extra episodes. Only last year Bake Off was forced to cancel its national-based themes (“Mexican Week”, Japanese Week” etc) following accusations of casual racism and perpetuating stereotypes. You’d think they might be a little more discerning these days and just stick to the classics…
There are already far too many episodes – tonight’s final marks 10 weeks since the beginning of series 15 – which is surely the only explanation for these frankly absurd themes. Bake Off shines when it revels in its traditionalism: I’d much rather watch the bakers make a perfect Vicky sponge than whatever flowery, over-complicated bake “Botanicals Week” demands.
Ban the Hollywood Handshake
There’s no one on TV who believes their own hype more than Paul Hollywood – and it’s all down to his famed handshake. Among Bake Off devotees, that simple gesture has taken on a misplaced mysticism, as if those who have the honour of shaking his hand have been anointed by God himself.
Now getting a so-called “Hollywood Handshake” is just as significant – if not more so – than being named Star Baker, undermining the entire premise of the competition. It’s certainly the reason why Dylan – who has received three handshakes this series – is one of the favourites to win tonight. It undermines Prue’s authority as a judge, too; she often makes self-deprecating comments inferring that her feedback doesn’t hold as much weight as Paul’s. It’s hard to watch.
This handshake malarkey has gone too far, and I never want to see Hollywood stretch out his hand over a particularly good lemon curd ever again.
Give it back to the BBC
It’s simply common sense that an institution as warm and, well, British as Bake Off belongs on our national broadcaster – particularly since the series has become such an international hit. When the series was sold to Channel 4 in 2016, the broadcaster promised to keep the series as it was (without Mary Berry and Mel and Sue, who didn’t channel-hop with Paul). But I can’t help but feel that the charm, the innocence, the very essence of Bake Off has been lost – the purity has gone, the quirkiness turned up to unbearable levels. And let’s not mention how frustratingly frequent the ad breaks are…
It’s time for Bake Off to go home.
The 2024 final of ‘The Great British Bake Off’ is on Channel 4 tonight at 8pm
