In the five years it’s been on our screens, Succession has provided its fans with some of the best quotes in TV history. Whether it’s a withering insult — “you little slime puppy” — or one of Tom’s miserable attempts at small talk — “you don’t hear much about syphilis these days. Very much the Myspace of STDs” — Jesse Armstrong’s Shakespearean corporate family drama is full of memorable lines.
Season four is no different. With the Roy family split into warring camps (read our recap of the story so far here), there’s even more opportunity for offensive abuse and off the-cuff, below-the-belt remarks. I have a feeling Logan’s “f**k off” count could be higher than ever.
Here are the best quotes and insults from each episode in the fourth and final season:
Episode one: The Munsters
“The Hundred is Substack meets Masterclass meets The Economist meets The New Yorker.”
Kendall on his new business venture with Shiv and Roman.
“Munsters. Meet the f***ing Munsters.”
Logan on his birthday party guests.
“What’s her name? Her full name? Is it randomf***? Bridget randomf***?”
Kerry on Greg’s date.
“Marcia’s not here. She’s in Milan, shopping. Forever.”
Kerry on Logan’s ex-wife.
“It’s like clickbait but for smart people”
Roman on The Hundred.
“Tell them they can shove their petrodollars up their human rights record.”
Roman on potential investors of The Hundred.
“Conversation is important to be inside of.”
Greg on Connor’s polling at one per cent.
“Have you heard from the rats?”
Logan on his children.
“What’s even in there? Flat shoes for the subway? Her lunch pail? Greg, it’s monstrous. It’s gargantuan. You could take it camping. You could slide it across the floor after a bank job.”
Tom on the size of Greg’s date’s handbag.
“Everything else might fall apart. He [Kendall] might go on a killing spree in 7/11 and you might get your dick stuck in a AI jerk machine.”
Shiv on looking out for herself.
“This is not about getting back at dad but if it hurts him if it doesn’t bother me.”
Shiv on buying Pierce.
“Tell her you’ll be able to hear her better if she took dad’s c*** out of her mouth.”
Shiv on Kerry.
“What if we got married underneath the Statue of Liberty with a brass band? Get a rapper. I don’t know. Jet packs and confetti guns and razor wire and bum fights and, you know, goody bags and hoopla and razzmatazz.”
Connor on his upcoming wedding.
“You’ve accidentally made him a sex tape, Greg.”
Tom telling Greg about Logan’s CCTV filming him and his date.
“I never meant to soil these halls.”
Greg on having sex in Logan’s house.
“I think it is best if you go do what you have to do. I don’t want to see what happens in Guantanamo. So you go do your ways and God be willing.”
Greg to Colin on his way to remove his date from the birthday party.
“I don’t like this, it’s horrible. It makes me feel like I’m in the middle of a bidding war.”
Nan while in the middle of a bidding war.
“Congratulations on saying the biggest number you f***ing morons.”
Logan to Shiv, Roman and Kendall after losing the Pierce bidding war.
“Who is this f***ing lunk anyway? He looks like a ballsack in a toupée”
Logan on one of his ATN newsreaders.
Episode two: Rehearsal
“That sounds like Homework: The Show.”
Shiv on Kendall’s idea for a news show on PGM.
“He looks like if Santa Claus was a hitman.”
“It’s like Jaws. If everyone in Jaws worked for Jaws.”
Greg on Logan circling the ATN newsroom.
“Hanging around like the threat of nuclear war.”
Tom on Logan’s increased interest in ATN.
“One email. F***ing Stakhanovites in here. Please don’t exhaust yourself.”
Logan to an ATN journalist.
“You’re doing great so far… you look stupid. Must act natural to fool the humans.”
Roman on Kerry’s stint as a news anchor.
“Anyone who believes that I’m getting out, please shove the bunting up your ass.”
“You’re f***ing pirates!”
Logan to his ATN employees.
“We have somewhere to be, so we need to get on that chopper and if we’re not I’m going to put aside several hundred thousand dollars and I’m going to dedicate it to destroying your life.”
Roman to the Waystar employee who won’t let the siblings on the company helicopter.
“Hey Buddha, nice Tom Fords.”
Roman to Kendall.
“I think we might need someone to go and suck off an independent director … go and put your f***ing lipstick on.”
Logan to Hugo.
“Toss her another ten grand. Ora snow mobile and some teeth whitening vouchers.”
Roman on Willa after she fled her own wedding rehearsal dinner.
“Somewhere fun and real. Away from the fancy dance A real bar with chicks and guys who work with their hands and grease and sweat from their hands and have blood in their hair.”
Connor on his bar preferences.
“Those guys sound like a medical experiment gone wrong.”
Roman on Connor’s bar preferences.
“This is an incredibly delicate piece of diplomacy Greg. It’s like Israel-Palestine, except harder and much more important.”
Tom on telling Kerry she is not good enough to be an ATN anchor.
“We’re eating. Right here. Billy Ray Cyrus’s Kentucky Fried Shit Shack.”
Roman on Connor’s choice of bar.
“It’s just dick pics anyway, he’s got a real taste for them now.”
Roman on his texts to his dad.
“Stop ganging up on me like you’re Lennon and McCartney and I’m George. I’m John motherf***ers … He’s still Connor but he won having drinks with us at an auction.”
Roman to Shiv and Kendall.
“Kerry can I grab you for five minutes?”
“Yeah why not, you’ve already grabbed every other woman in Manhattan.”
“Thank you.”
Greg to Kerry.
“What happens if I kill a Buddhist? Do I get reincarnated as a f***ing Buddhist?“
Roman on Kendall.
“This is Guantanamo level s***.”
Roman on Connor’s singing.
“Wanna give us a quick blast of ‘New York, New York’ and f*** off?”
Kendall to his dad.
“Holy shit. Did dad just say a feeling?”
“It’s all coming out. Mr Melodrama over here. It’s like a f***ng telenovela.”
Kendall on his dad to his siblings.
“Congrats on losing your betrayal cherry.”
Kendall to Kerry.
“You’re needy love sponges. And I’m a plant that grows on rocks and lives off insects that die inside of me.”
Connor to his siblings.
Episode three: Connor’s Wedding
“It’s not your fault but he just finds you… visually aggravating right now.”
Tom to Greg.
“I roped in a few mini-Gregs from the pig pen. A few little Greglets.”
Tom on his employees.
“Mr Scrooge just happened to be a huge wealth creator. They don’t mention that in Mr Dickens’ books, do they?”
Connor on his wealth.
“Hail Loganus Maximum, slayer of Vikings!”
Tom to Logan.
“Let’s just enjoy this sham marriage and the death of romance.”
Roman on Connor’s wedding.
“Journalism. Taking quotes and kicking asses.”
Greg to a journalist.
“Hello. F***y sucky brigade. How can I help you?”
Roman answering Tom’s phone call.
“Judging by her grin, it looks like she caught a foul ball at Yankee Stadium.”
Tom on Kerry’s reaction to Logan’s death.
“If this leaks, it’s a stock price rodeo and a slit for the big mouth. But people should know I was with him.”
Tom on Logan’s death.
“Will someone please think of the market.”
Roman on his father’s death.
“We can get a funeral off the rack. We can do Reagan’s with tweaks.”
Kendall on his dad’s funeral.
Jimmy Carter was right about Israel