“So, what do you think of the wine?” If you are not prepared for that question, perhaps at a social event, or even worse, while sitting at your boss’s dinner table, it feels like the floor has disappeared from under you.
Until that unnerving question was asked, you might have been enjoying the event. The food is good and the wine tastes nice. But nice just doesn’t cut it when someone asks you about the liquid in your glass. Nice is not a word to use about wine.
There are whole dictionaries of wine terms, but if all you want to do is get through that moment and give the impression that you really know what you are talking about, then you need the Bluffer’s Guide to Wine…
Look the part
Hold your glass correctly Look like you know about wine. Hold your glass by the stem so your hand doesn’t warm up the wine in the bowl of the glass. This is not an affectation; it is the sensible way to steer the wine from glass to mouth.
Don’t overfill your glass Wine glasses should be no more than half full. The aroma of the wine fills the top half of the glass, and you can sniff it appreciatively.
Take your time. Don’t just knock it back. Pick up your glass, tilt it a few degrees away from you and look at the colour, preferably against a white background. Then, glass upright again, give the glass a quick swirl, stick your nose in, sniff the aroma, then take a sip. Practise at home until this becomes a simple, unostentatious action. Never hold your glass in the air to look at it against a light, and don’t make slurping noises at the table.
Talk the talk
Fruit Just because wine is made from grapes, don’t expect it to taste of grapes. Wine vocabulary stretches across a whole range of fruits, from crisp green apples to damson plums. If you really can’t taste the wild strawberries and red currants that everyone else seems to be talking about, don’t worry – they probably can’t either.
Imagine a whole greengrocer’s window arranged in colours, starting with lemons, grapefruit, apples, pears, melons, mangoes, cherries, moving through various red fruits until you get to plums. Then, when someone mentions a particular fruit flavour, add in one that is close on the spectrum, and wait for people to nod in agreement.
It helps if you can throw in a few unusual fruits, such as boysenberry, which tastes like a deep-rich blackberry with a few raspberry notes or use the term Meyer lemon instead of just lemon. These are more fragrant, and less acidic, but are mainly found in the US, so a recent trip there adds credibility to your comment.
Granny’s garden is always a good reference point if you can work that into your conversation. Images of picking raspberries, strawberries or redcurrants as a child conjure fresh, vibrant aromas and tastes in everyone’s mind, even if granny never had a garden.
Complexity
Once you get beyond the straight fruit flavours, you need to find words for the complex notes lurking in your glass. Wine is not just grapes – it is a product of the place those grapes have grown, the way the wine has been made and how it has been matured.
Tannin comes from the grape skins and gives the wine body and enough structure to help it age. Young tannins are harsh on the tongue, like an over-stewed cup of tea. If there are obvious tannins in your wine, a comment about its youthfulness is always a good, as well as a nod to indicate that it will age well. Château Jouanin 2022 from Bordeaux (£9.85, Co-op) is a fine example – youthful, firm and able to age.
Oak is often a factor. Many red wines and some white are stored in oak barrels to mature, but the wood should be an influence only, not an overwhelming flavour. It is always worth commenting on how the oak supports the fruit and doesn’t dominate the wine.
Savoury and spice. As wines mature, they develop aromas and flavours that seem out of place for something made from fruit. Savoury is a useful word to cover flavours such as black olives and spice which crop up, particularly in aged Rhône wines. Test this flavour out in Tesco Finest Chateauneuf-du-Pape, £21.
Forest floor Even. if you haven’t been for a walk through a forest recently, this is a useful way of describing a combination of damp earth aromas with mushrooms and just a hint of autumn red fruits. It works well for aged Burgundy and serious pinot noirs from around the world. Check out Hautes-Côtes de Beaune 2022 from Marks & Spencer, £17.
When in doubt, cheat
When you know that wine will be discussed as well as enjoyed at an event, it is always worth keeping an eye out for clues. Glance at the labels as bottles are opened or look for corks scattered around. Remember the wine trade motto: “A glance at the label is worth 20 years’ experience.”
Conversation stoppers
In any group of people, there is always someone who views wine as a battleground and they want to win by showing off their superior knowledge of regions and vintages. That is when you need a curveball. Switch the conversation by saying how interested you are in the whole aspect of sustainable viticulture in Argentina, in particular how this benefits the community as well as the way the grapes are grown. Quote Domaine Bousquet Finca Lalande Malbec as an example – a great-tasting, great-value wine, sustainably made, available from Waitrose, £7.99 until 22 October then £10.99.
The future
If you want to consolidate your wine knowledge so that you are comfortable selecting wine in a restaurant or wine shop, why not try a proper wine course. The Wine & Spirit Education Trust runs courses for everyone from beginners to those in the wine trade. Check out the options on wsetglobal.com.
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