Kenny Logan, 52, is a retired rugby union player who was a winger for Scotland’s national team. Logan was born in Stirling and left school without sitting his final exams before starting his professional rugby career. In 2001, he married BBC presenter Gabby Logan.
Here he reflects on the moments that changed his perspective on health, anxiety, marriage and parenting.
I struggled with reading at school. If a question was read out to me by the teacher I could answer. At one point, I celebrated when my teacher read some questions out to me and I got nine out of 10 right. But then she chucked me out of the class. She was angry, saying: “How can you celebrate?” And then she turned to the class and said: “Kenny thinks he can get these right if I read them out to him,” in a patronising tone.
I was about 14 at the time, and that was the moment I decided I just needed to get through school and keep my head down. I had get the next two years done with and then I could do something else. It was really difficult for me. I was trying my hardest but I wasn’t getting anywhere. But it taught me to never give up.
I was 16 when I was diagnosed with dyslexia. It was just as I was leaving school. There were two teachers who affected my life the most: my PE teacher, who believed I was good at sports, and then my history teacher, Mrs Wilson, who helped me get diagnosed. She is still alive. I actually saw her two weeks ago. She told everyone: Kenny is a clever guy. People just haven’t seen it yet. People didn’t talk about dyslexia back then but she helped me get a diagnosis.
Up until that point, I just thought I was stupid because that’s what I was told. I just wanted to get away from school. I wanted to start working and doing something because I thought I wasn’t academically clever. I just believed it was something I had to cope with.
My dad died when I was 20 years old and left me his farm. I didn’t sell it for another 20 years. When I was running the farm, I was trying to pretend that I knew what was going on but it was hard. I had to play a lot of mind games with people and try to get them to read stuff out to me because of my dyslexia.
I had built up anxiety in my stomach from the age of nine. In fact, I had it until 29. It wasn’t until then that I actually started speaking about how I was feeling. That made a big difference. My biggest regret in life is that I didn’t speak up quick enough. I wasn’t brave enough to do so. I was scared to be vulnerable. I believed that people thought I was stupid, and so they wouldn’t take me particularly seriously.
Gabby changed my perspective on parenting when she said to me: ‘There’s plenty of time for you to be their mate. You need to be the dad.’ She said I needed to be one that puts the rules down and be consistent about it. It was a good tip, because my relationship with them is amazing. As they have got older I have become their mate a bit more but sometimes I will give my son advice and I will be shocked when he takes it. You actually listened to me?
Gabby and I are currently experiencing empty nest syndrome. Our two children Lois and Reuben left home in September. It’s weird. I am used to driving around the country every weekend for Lois to do her horse show jumping and Reuben for his rugby. I come home thinking I’m going to ask them what they want for dinner and then they just aren’t there.
But it’s also quite fun for me and Gabby because we’re getting to start again. It’s like being back at the start of our relationship. Obviously, the last thing you want to do is look across at each other and think: “God, I don’t like you.” Thankfully I don’t have that.
In two decades of marriage, the important thing is knowing how to communicate with each other. If you’re not feeling right, you have to speak about it. We always say we will never go to bed in an argument. Our other rule is don’t take each other for granted. I gave Gabby some flowers the other day. Don’t stop doing little things like that. Surprises are also huge. Get home from somewhere earlier than you said, just to surprise them. Enjoy a bit of laughter. We are laughing more at the moment. Maybe that’s because we’re a bit more relaxed. Still, I miss my little boy (who’s massive) and my little girl.
Listening to Gabby’s podcast meant I was diagnosed with prostate cancer a few years ago. She was talking to Davina McCall about a woman’s dry parts. I asked Gabby if that happens to men. She told me testosterone does drop slowly after a certain age so I went to get tested. They said my PSA levels were a bit high. Two weeks later, I got monitored and they told me I’ve got cancer in my prostate, which is the biggest killer for men. I didn’t have any symptoms. It’s one of the cancers you’ve got to go find.
Gabby was great and my kids were great but I kept it to myself. I didn’t want everyone to ask me how I was. I went on Gabby’s podcast recently and spoke about it and I could feel myself getting emotional. I have got far more emotional as I have got older. I think that’s pretty common.
Kenny Logan is ambassador to You Are The Star personalised children’s books youarethestarbooks.com
