Whenever Georgina Roberts thinks about her surrogate, she feels gratitude for the selflessness of the woman who gave birth to her,
“I know my surrogate did what she did from a place of kindness and compassion for another human being,” says Georgina. “That is very important to me and it is lovely to know I am genetically linked to someone who has done the most amazing thing for someone else.”
Georgina, now 23, was brought up in the Midlands and had a very happy childhood with her mum and dad Jerry and Jennie. But she has always known she was born through surrogacy to Suzanne who her parents affectionately referred to as her “tum mum” when she was younger.
Not only does Georgina have a close relationship with her parents, she also has an extended family through her surrogate and meets up regularly with her, her two children who are her half-brothers and another half-brother who her surrogate carried for another couple.
“I have always had contact with all my surrogacy family,” explains Georgina. “They are good family friends and I see them at least two or three times a year, including all my half-brothers.
“My surrogate had a son of her own before she had me for my parents. She had already done a surrogate journey for another couple and then went on to have another son of her own. So I have three half-brothers and we are all biologically related through the surrogate and meet up and get on really well.
“It is wonderful and I love it. Surrogacy has always made sense to me and has never been confusing. That is a result of everyone’s honesty and openness from the very beginning.”
While the arrangement worked well for her parents, a shortage of women willing to carry another person’s baby – which experts blame on old-fashioned laws, especially that surrogates can only be paid expenses – mean that few couples are able to use this option.
Growing Families, a charity which helps people who want to become parents through surrogacy or egg and sperm donation, is holding a major conference in London on Saturday, offering advice about the legal, ethical and medical issues involved.
Its global director, Sam Everingham, says the UK’s surrogacy laws need updating after 40 years, as they “push a lot of people to offshore programmes where surrogates are supported better”. “Carrying a baby is hard work and surrogates are doing something extraordinary for another couple that should be recognised,” he says. Surrogates “are going through morning sickness, back pain and labour and sacrificing life with their own family. To argue a woman should not be compensated for this is cruel.”
Some people argue that paying surrogates would commodify children and women, which is why it should only ever be an altruistic act. Georgina admits being born as a result of altruistic surrogacy is important to the positive way she feels about it and is unsure if she would have felt differently if it had been done for financial gain rather than compassion.
Georgina, who is in her final year as a medical student at the University of Exeter, explains her parents had tried to have a child for many years and had numerous failed IVF attempts using both her mother’s own eggs and donor eggs.
“By this time, my mum was in her early to mid 40s and it was a very difficult time for them and put a lot of pressure on them,
“One of the doctors involved in the IVF suggested surrogacy as an option so after doing some research, they got in touch with Childness Overcome Through Surrogacy (COTS), a not-for-profit altruistic organisation in the UK which matches intended parents and surrogates.”
Georgina’s parents submitted their profile which was sent out to potential surrogates and they were chosen by the surrogate Suzanne. They all met and got on well and were matched.
Georgina was conceived using artificial insemination with her surrogate’s egg and her dad’s sperm, which is known as traditional surrogacy.
Explaining her surrogate’s reasoning for wanting to have a child for someone else, Georgina says: “My surrogate was told at a young age that she might have difficulty conceiving. So for a short period of time, she experienced the pain that people who are told they have problems with fertility go through.
“She then conceived my eldest half-brother easily and knowing the suffering other people were going through, she decided to do surrogacy to help them.”
Georgina says that although she is physically similar to her dad, she is very different to her mum, but still shares many similarities to her. “There is the nature and nurture thing and I have a lot of similar traits to my mum, even though I look very different to her.”
Even though Georgina’s parents split up when she was 14, she says this has had no impact on their relationship or the surrogacy.
“My parents have always been very grateful to my surrogate and always will be and I had a very happy childhood.
“But my surrogate is never boastful about surrogacy or feels she is wonderful for doing it. She did it because she wanted to help people and is quietly contented about it.
“Being born through surrogacy has been very positive for me and it is wonderful to have more family. In my case, surrogacy has brought together people who would never have met and created a family.
“Meeting my extended family through surrogacy has been a highlight and I am lucky to be in touch with my half-brother also born through surrogacy and sharing that experience with him.
“I will be getting married in June – and all my surrogate family will be at the wedding.
“I feel very lucky and I believe that if surrogacy is carried out in an open and honest way, it is wonderful.”
Meredith Baldwin, now 32, was also born through surrogacy and says although she never remembers a sit-down conversation with her parents about it, she has always known about it as they were honest and open from the start.
“My parents went through years of heartache trying to have a child before using COTS to have me through surrogacy,” she says.
“It was straight surrogacy using my surrogate mum’s egg and my father’s sperm and she carried me for my parents.
“I have always known about my surrogate mum being my biological mother and have had a very happy and honest situation.
“We have met on numerous occasions, especially when I was younger and we exchange birthday and Christmas cards and text messages.
“She has three children of her own and decided to be a surrogate as she wanted to give a couple who couldn’t have children of their own the chance of happiness. That’s an amazing thing for someone to do.”
Although Meredith, who lives in Greenwich, London, is currently single, she says surrogacy is something she would consider herself in the future – either as a surrogate or using it if she has fertility issues.
“I have had a happy and normal life and feel blessed,” she says. “It is suggested that it is better to have your own children first before becoming a surrogate and in the back of my mind, it is something I am considering for the future as I want to give others the same happiness.
“If pregnancy happens smoothly for me, I would like to help others. But if for whatever reason I cannot have children, I would certainly go down the surrogacy route after having had such a positive experience myself.”
Kim Cotton, who was the UK’s first surrogate mother and set up COTS in 1988, says the not for profit voluntary organisation has now had 1,100 surrogate babies born – including Georgina and Meredith.
“The shortage of surrogates in the UK is dire,” she says. “Unfortunately, we have had our books closed for more than two years and we can only invite people one at a time when we get a few surrogates join.”
In the UK, surrogacy has to be altruistic and surrogates cannot be paid, although they can receive expenses.
“The laws around surrogacy in the UK are archaic,” says Ms Cotton. “Surrogates put their life on the line for someone else and everyone else such as doctors and IVF clinics are paid, so why shouldn’t they?
“They are doing it altruistically, but they should be compensated for doing something so amazing which impacts them and their own family.”
‘We went to the US for surrogacy as it was right for us’
Richard Scarlett and Dario Rolandi began discussing their desire to have children early on in their relationship and as a same sex couple, they looked at the different routes to parenthood before deciding on surrogacy.
The married couple, who live in south London and have been together for 10 years, researched different countries and decided the US was the best option for them.
Their son, now three-and-a-half, was born in 2018 and Richard says he is “everything we hoped for and more and is the best thing ever.”
He says they chose the US as surrogacy is well established and regulated with protections in place, although he admits it is a more expensive option and the cost is prohibitive for many people. “The average cost of surrogacy in the US is about $150,000,” he says. “But we felt for our specific circumstances, it was the best option.
“Surrogacy law in the UK is outdated and we felt there was not adequate legal protection for both parties and surrogacy agreements cannot be enforced which causes anxiety.
“The surrogacy process in the US was straightforward and we flew out there two weeks before the birth and stayed there for four-and-a-half weeks after to get the paperwork done and get his passport to bring him home.
“Surrogacy has been wonderful for us and our son is everything we hoped for and more. He surprises us every day and has given us a lot of happiness. He is the best thing ever.”
Surrogacy and fertility conference
Growing Families, a global charity which helps intended parents to create families through surrogacy or egg and sperm donation will hold a major conference in London on Saturday 19 March.
It will bring together fertility experts from around the world with surrogates, donors, intended parents and families sharing their stories.
The event will help intended parents get the most recent information about best practice, legal issues, cultural, ethical and medical considerations and how to avoid pitfalls from unscrupulous operators.
It will bring together the full spectrum of parents and blended families including heterosexual couples, LGBT+ families and sole parents to share the risks, joys, costs and choices involved in surrogacy and fertility treatments.
- For more information or to attend, visit: www.growingfamilies.org/uk-eu-conference
Acts of kindness: Strangers became my surrogate parents