As a teenager, Jamie Pye was bullied at school and he developed an eating disorder (ED). When he sought help, he felt being male made it more difficult to access treatment.
His doctors were helpful, recognising that something was wrong, but he encountered issues before being diagnosed with anorexia. “It was difficult, because the criteria for referral was aimed at women, such as the loss of periods, which obviously didn’t apply to me,” he said.
At a therapy group he attended in his early 20s, he was the only man there. “I felt out of place there in an all-female space,” he told i.
Yet one in four people in the UK with an ED are male – an estimated 300,000 men – according to the eating disorder charity Beat. New research from the charity found that more than half of men with an ED never received treatment, and a third never sought it.
Jamie is now 30 and has come a long way in his recovery – thanks to talking about it and having therapy. “It’s important, despite the challenges, to find someone to talk, and it’s better to get help earlier than later,” he said.
‘It’s great to just let all your feelings out’
Jamie, from Norwich, said he had always been a “fussy eater” and things escalated when he was targeted by bullies. “For me, it was about control. I wasn’t in control of the bullying and my eating was something I could control.
“I just wanted to disappear into the background. I didn’t want to be seen by the bullies anymore so it would stop. I was secretive about it – I would sell or throw away my lunch and come home with an empty lunch box.
“When I went home, it was my safe haven. It was less of an issue for me when I was younger, but nowadays with social media, bullies can access their victims at all times.”
He said getting help as a child was easier than as an adult. “There was lots of support when I was younger, but when I became an adult, it felt like it was like ‘you’re on your own’ now.”
Beat told i that NHS guidelines now do avoid gender bias if they are followed perfectly, “but unfortunately we do also know that this doesn’t always happen”.
Jamie said his parents sat him down and told him that if he didn’t seek help willingly, he faced going down the route of being hospitalised. “I really didn’t want to go into hospital. I wanted to be at home. That gave me the kick I needed to get myself better.”
Jamie had counselling through a local charity that he said was key to his recovery. “It’s great to just let all your feelings out. My family have been really supportive, but there are things I didn’t feel comfortable telling them. And with an outsider, you don’t have to worry about telling them things that will upset them.”
He says there is still a stigma associated with men seeking help for what has primarily been seen as a female illness. “There’s a rise in men with eating disorders and it’s not just anorexia – there are men going to the gym excessively – issues that are not necessarily seen as a problem. Men are also influenced by the perfect body being portrayed on social media.”
Comedian Russell Kane wrote an article for i last year about his battles with orthorexia – a compulsive obsession with eating the “right” food – and says the idea that a man needed to be muscly to be accepted by girls was branded into him as a teenager.
Jamie says men still struggle with opening up about these issues. “My dad’s and my grandad’s generation didn’t talk about their emotions because it wasn’t seen as ‘macho’,” he said. “Thankfully, younger people are more open, but there’s still so much emphasis nowadays on not showing emotions, especially negative ones.”
He feels it’s crucial to raise awareness of men with EDs. He was shocked when at a media event organised by Beat, a TV producer passed up his offer to talk to them because he was male. “They said they felt viewers would identify more with a female. That was 10 years ago – thankfully things are changing.”
He wants sufferers to know that it’s possible to get better. “I still have the occasional issue with food, but not as bad as it was, and I recognise when I’m struggling earlier now and take action.
“A lot of people think that their problems are not going to go away and they think their eating disorder will be forever. I got better by realising things pass. I want people to know that you can get better.”
Pressure to recover ‘by themselves’
Beat’s survey – carried out for Eating Disorders Awareness Week, which runs from 27 February to 5 March – questioned more than 450 men aged 10-77 and is the UK’s biggest ever survey of men’s experiences with eating disorders.
Of the one in three men who reported they never tried to get treatment for their ED, almost half weren’t aware that treatment was available at all. Respondents said fearing how others would react and not recognising that they needed treatment were key factors for not getting help.
One in five respondents had never spoken to anyone about their ED.
Some said that they felt they ‘should’ recover from their eating disorder by themselves, or that they would find it difficult to receive help from another person.
In addition, seven in 10 men with an ED had never heard of or read about other men being affected before they became unwell. Others mentioned that stories about men with eating disorders “seemed to be the exception as opposed to the rule”.
Several survey respondents said that a lack of awareness led to delays in realising that they were unwell. One man said: “Only until recently have I heard about men with eating disorders. Since then, I think I have been in complete denial about having one.”
‘It’s important men do not suffer in silence’
Kirsty Pave, who leads Beat’s Scottish team, said the misconception that eating disorders only affect women is “rampant”: “Alarmingly, we know that this harmful stigma can prevent men from recognising the signs in themselves, delay access to treatment and worsen feelings of shame and isolation.
“It’s deeply unfair that men are not getting the support they need due to a lack of societal understanding about eating disorders. It’s crucial that more awareness is raised about eating disorder symptoms, to help ensure people can recognise the early warning signs in themselves or others, and that everybody knows what treatment is available.
“It’s so important that men do not suffer in silence. We’d like to reassure anybody affected by these serious mental illnesses that recovery is possible and that support is available.”
More on Eating Disorders
Dr Stephen Anderson, eating disorder psychiatrist and Beat trustee, emphasised that early treatment is crucial. He said: “Eating disorders can affect anyone. The perception that these are illnesses experienced only by women can and does delay men seeking help and treatment and can cause delays in recognition and referral. The longer support and treatment are delayed, the greater the risk of a more entrenched illness, with associated increases in physical and psychological consequences.
“People with eating disorders often experience significant shame, guilt and stigma in relation to their illness and this can be increased in men who see themselves as suffering from a ‘female illness’. We need to continue to work on increasing awareness of eating disorders in boys and men with the aim of improving access to treatment.”
If you’re worried about your own or someone else’s health, you can contact Beat, the UK’s eating disorder charity, on 0808 801 0677 or visit the website here.
Do you have a real life story? Email claudia.tanner@inews.co.uk.
