Postnatal depression (PND) can be lonely, distressing and frightening at the best of times – and for many new parents the pandemic has exacerbated these struggles.
A third of parents are suffering from poor mental health during pregnancy or in the first year after the birth of a child according to new research from not-for-profit healthcare provider Benenden Health, in partnership with Netmums.
The poll of 1,368 found only half of perinatal mental illness sufferers (53 per cent) are seeking any support.
First time mother Catherine Payne puts her PND down to having given birth to daughter Charlotte during lockdown.
The 29-year-old, from Shrewsbury, Shropshire, was nearly sectioned but felt a lot better after just four weeks of counselling.
‘The whole world had been turned upside down’
Catherine felt “very alone” when she went into labour in April and initially her husband wasn’t allowed to come into hospital with her. Thankfully, after initially being sent back home, when she returned he was able to join her in the delivery room.
It was a straightforward birth (“in and out, no gas or air”), but the feelings of isolation hit her as soon as she got home. “The house was really, really quiet – there was no one here to greet us,” she said. “You have nine months to prepare for this and then suddenly you’re told to to leave quickly from hospital and you’re like, Okay, what do I do now? My whole support network has just gone.
“My mum came round in the afternoon, and stood outside to see her first grandchild and she sobbed because all she wants to do is hug us both. It felt to me like the whole world had been turned upside down, and I couldn’t even have my mum by my side to help me.”
Catherine’s midwife did a house visit the next day (“she was in and out in five minutes”), and she struggled with reduced NHS support. “I’ve never met my health visitor, I had a phone call when Charlotte was 10 days old and that was it.
“Whenever I had questions, I’d ring them, and then they ring me back when they were free but that could take two to three days. When it’s something you need advice with there and then you’re left to deal with it and that was anxiety inducing.”
After three weeks, with her husband gone back to working long hours as a lorry driver, Catherine felt overwhelmed having to cope on her own with a new baby without help.
“It was things like making time to go for a shower, or having five minutes to sit down and have a cup of tea. It just didn’t happen. My Charlotte was quite clingy. I started to feel all this pressure to be ‘super mum’, to do all the cooking, all the cleaning, everything you were doing before whilst looking after a baby. The first three months felt like hell on earth to me.
“My best friend gave birth around the same time and we planned to help each other but that went out the window because of Covid. There is only so much help family can give you remotely – it is nothing like a real hug to hold you tight and keep all the pieces together when you feel that you are falling apart.”
Also, her baby’s weight dropped from 5Ibs 9 to 5Ibs 4. “We just didn’t really seem to have any help in that area,” said Catherine.
Breaking point
The hardest part was asking for help. I was afraid of being judged
Catherone Payne
The pressure took its toll and Catherine found herself frequently tearful and struggling with insomnia. One night while she was feeding Charlotte she had “really horrible intrusive thoughts” towards her baby girl and fled the house and sat sobbing in her car.
Catherine went to her GP for help, who wanted to section her, which she refused. “It seemed extreme – the reason was she felt the perimental health team weren’t going to be able to help me quick enough.”
Catherine, who works at a doggy daycare centre, had phone counselling for four weeks, which made a huge difference. “The hardest part was asking for help. I was afraid of being judged. But the perimental health team were absolutely fantastic. I felt so much better, just having someone to talk to. Just having someone’s tell me I’m doing okay and it’s normal for my baby to cry.
“When I did receive support, I realised I didn’t need to be a ‘super mum’ and do it all. It was okay for me to say I am going for a bath or that I am having some quiet time and this does not make me a bad mum because I’m looking after myself, which makes me better able to look after my little girl.”
If you are struggling with PND, speak to your GP about support available. For more information about the symptoms and help available, visit the NHS website and the Benenden website.
If you are struggling with suicidal thoughts, or are struggling with your mental health in other ways, you can contact The Samaritans for free on 116 123 or email jo@samaritans.org.
Do you have a real life story? Email claudia.tanner@inews.co.uk.
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