Content warning: This article contains details of abuse and images some people may find distressing.
A domestic abuse survivor has revealed how attacks against her escalated after she was diagnosed with breast cancer as research reveals people with life-threatening illnesses are at higher risk.
Nicky, 47, whose name has been withheld to protect her identity, suffered physical, emotional and financial abuse while undergoing cancer treatment – including receiving letters and phone calls from undertakers to arrange her own funeral.
She is speaking out to i to raise awareness of the hidden issue of abuse in those living with life-threatening illnesses such as cancer.
A new toolkit has been launched to help health and care staff spot the signs of abuse among people undergoing treatment or in hospices.
Domestic abuse affects more than two million adults in England and Wales and costs the healthcare system £2.3bn a year, according to the DALLI (Domestic Abuse and Life-Limiting Illness) study, carried out by the National Institute of Health and Care Research (NIHR).
People with a life-limiting illness are at a higher risk, as abusers can deny them medical treatment and care, making their illness and quality of life worse, the study found.
Nicky, a mother of two from Kent, said her former husband, from whom she is now estranged, made her feel too terrified to leave her home for chemotherapy treatment as he told people he had bought a gun and would shoot her if she opened her front door.
He also made threats to other people that he would go into the house while she was asleep and rape and kill her.
“My home became like a prison and he escalated the abuse after I was diagnosed with breast cancer,” she said. “He told me that me being unwell was really inconvenient to him and that I was ‘really dampening his mood’.
“He then told me he had met someone else and was moving out for three months until I’d sorted myself out.”
Just weeks before her diagnosis, she was physically attacked by her abuser, leaving her with a fractured jaw, two missing front teeth and a head injury.
She said that soon after she was diagnosed, her ex-husband, who she was living with at the time, cancelled her health insurance that he got free through his company after she had told him she wanted a divorce.
“I was told I had late stage 3 breast cancer, but I was frightened to even leave the house for chemotherapy,” Nicky said. “He then financially abused me by clearing out the bank accounts and he left me to bring up two children on my own while I was having cancer treatment.
“We were living on food banks and money from my family.”
While still undergoing treatment, Nicky said she started to receive funeral plans from a range of different companies. She believes her abuser had signed her up to funeral directors across the country.
“I received hundreds of them,” she said. “When I didn’t react, he started reporting me as dead and gave funeral parlours my contact information as the person sorting out the funeral. I started receiving calls saying: ‘I’m sorry to hear about the death of Nicky. I believe you’re the one organising the funeral’.”
Nicky, who now works with domestic abuse survivors, wants to help raise awareness of abuse in the most vulnerable and help professionals recognise the signs.
The DALLI study resulted in the domestic abuse toolkit, launched to help people working in cancer charities and hospices to spot signs of abuse when people are at the end of their life. The kit has been developed by those who have experienced domestic abuse, as well as health and social care professionals and specialists.
Funded by the NIHR Applied Research Collaboration (ARC) Wessex, the training and support resource has been introduced into organisations including Marie Curie, Age UK and Macmillan, as well as four independent hospices across the Wessex area.
Marie Curie will be rolling it out to its hospices nationwide, while the group is in talks with other national palliative care organisations.
Dr Michelle Myall, who led the DALLI study and has worked for many years in research on domestic abuse, said: “It is often difficult for people to believe that domestic abuse for people living with a terminal illness happens. I am often asked: ‘Is that actually a thing?’
“It is our hope that the toolkit can support health and social care professionals and give them the confidence to ask questions or know the signs to look out for.”
Nicky says it is important that domestic abuse of vulnerable people is spoken about as cancer and domestic abuse are often taboo subjects that people are reluctant to talk about.
“I think abuse like this is rife,” she said. “It’s like this taboo – it’s whispered about, but never spoken out loud. There’s two things, cancer and domestic abuse.
“That’s why I want to talk about it and I want nurses and people like that to not be afraid to ask if they think someone is being abused.”
