The number of people given a prison sentence of more than 10 years has doubled in the past decade – but the system is not working for victims, society or prisoners, according to a new report. As a woman who has spent 14 years in five prisons, and a former victim of domestic abuse, I know firsthand the impact a long sentence can have on our lives.
My offence was that I killed the man I had been in an abusive relationship with for six years. He tried to suffocate me, and I reacted. I truly believe that had I not been on drugs, I wouldn’t have been in that relationship, and I wouldn’t have committed my offence. I deeply regret what happened.
Ongoing research from the Prison Reform Trust aims to shed more light on the problems faced by women like me. It has already highlighted the ways women spending more than 10 years in custody are disadvantaged. Often, rehabilitation programmes do not cater to our needs and we are isolated from our children, as well as other prisoners.
Growing up, I was physically and emotionally abused by a parent. As an adult, I chose abusive relationships every time (according to Rights of Women, 57 per cent of women in prison report having been victims of domestic violence). I had been using drugs to cope since I was 26, when I lost my brother to a heroin overdose.
During my time in prison, other prisoners told me that going through the therapeutic community programme would help show parole I was ready to leave jail. There is only one women’s prison in England that offers it, so I had to be moved there and I spent 23 months completing it. I can remember it helped me process a lot of things, but at times it made me feel worse.
You’re put in small groups, and we all became each other’s therapists, doing group therapy three times a week. People would talk about their past traumas. That would then trigger traumas for others, and I would come out feeling suicidal.
I’d wake up perfectly alright in the morning and then I would have to go in and listen to some girl say how her brother sexually abused her for 15 years. It was the first chance I got to speak about my own past traumas, and at times it was healing, but three months of that was quite full on. I think women in prison should really have some type of support after the group therapy just to vent about how it’s affected you.
I tried to take my own life in 2016 while I was in prison. A lot of lifers are frightened to show that they’re struggling with certain things because they fear it can be used against them and prevent their release. For example, I hadn’t seen self-harm until I went to jail, where I saw it on a massive scale. For me, it was traumatic.
Prison was not just difficult for me, but my family too. Women in prison are likely to serve time far away from our families. The average distance is 63 miles away.
We are also more likely to be primary caregivers before we go into prison. According to a 2004 survey, around 94 per cent of men say their children live with their partner while they are in prison, but only 27 per cent of women say the same. This can cause long-term damage to the relationships between mothers and their children. My prison sentence was traumatic for my mum and my son especially. I only saw my son three times in 14 years, and I saw my mum about six times in that period. The only person who really came and visited me once every four months was my dad.
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It’s difficult because you’re not part of their life – for 14 years you’re only at the end of the phone. I think that as women, our roles in our families are often a huge part of our identities, so it’s hard for me, knowing that I’ll never really have a proper relationship with my grandchildren, for example.
There are 12 women’s prisons in England and Wales. As there are so few women serving long prison sentences, and we move prison so much to complete programmes that will help us get released, it is very difficult to develop meaningful friendships.
One thing that made a difference is that in one prison, they had a lifer landing. It created stability, as we were all serving life sentences, so we learned to support each other.
Everybody on the life wing had a role. As I was a bit older, I was a mother figure and could help younger girls with life skills like how to run a home. Prisons should be more like houses. Inside, they go on about the real world and how we should function in it. Creating more home-like environments in prison could help us better reintegrate into society.
Around four per cent of the prison population is female. So, it is no surprise that things are often designed with men in mind. But women’s needs must not be overlooked.
Older lifers, not prison officers, told me what I needed to do if I wanted to move on with my life. I think women serving long sentences should have access to mentors or peers, people like myself, who have been through the same experience.
We are more likely to sit and listen to each other. Seeing someone else who has come through it is powerful and proves that it is possible.
As told to Izin Akhabau
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