If you won't wash your hands, you can't hold my baby. Plain and simple

I’ll begin with my own admission of guilt.

If I cast my mind back to visiting my family and friends’ new-born babies in my late teens and early twenties, there are certain details I can remember. I can remember swapping a top with sequins on for a plain one before I set off, so I wouldn’t scratch the baby’s face when I held them. I remember waiting to be asked to hold the baby. I remember keeping my voice low and gentle unless the parents told me otherwise, and beaming with joy when the babies didn’t burst into tears.

One thing I can’t remember, though, was offering to wash my hands when I arrived. Now I have had my own baby, that makes me cringe. Because the world is absolutely filthy. I can’t fathom why anyone who also knows that, and knows that babies are born with immune systems that are not yet fully functioning, would want to take viruses and bacteria anywhere near them.

Now that I’ve admitted my own, ahem, dirty secret, let me be very clear. The parent of a baby asking you to wash your hands is categorically not calling you a grub. They are calling all the things you touched and interacted with before you arrived grubby. And that’s perfectly reasonable.

Where have you already been before the visit? Did you get the bus or tube, and hold onto the rail to steady yourself? Meet a friendly dog who licked and sniffed your hand? Did you stop at a petrol pump, get money out from a cash machine to pay and then tap the touchscreen in McDonalds while picking up a coffee?

In 2018, poo was found on every McDonald’s touchscreen tested, and UK coins and banknotes were found to contain 19 different types of bacteria and two superbugs, including MRSA. Dog saliva can contain parasites, and even if you came straight from your home, you probably touched your phone and that’s 10 times dirtier than a toilet seat. Why would you want to transfer any of that onto a new-born’s face as you gently stroke its cheek, wiggle its lips to make it smile, or even just pass its mum its blanket or bottle when the fix is so simple?

This is not an example of people being fussy, or obsessed with cleanliness, this is us having more knowledge than ever before. Sure, hygiene debates pop up every few months; is my new boyfriend gross for never washing his bedsheets? Is Taylor Swift a minger for washing her legs only with shaving gel? They’re fun, for the most part, (if a little bit shaming), and even other celebs have been known to chime in with their own opinions. I’m pretty sure I fall into the “normal” category with these things; we change our sheets every couple of weeks, and yes, I do wash my legs (and my feet, for that matter). But washing your hands before you hold a baby falls into a completely different category, because you’re making your own personal habits, quirks if you must, somebody else’s problem. 

I know that some may reason that if the parents want me to wash my hands, they can just ask. To that I say, well, why can’t you offer? Not only does it take the responsibility off them, it’s so easy. And personally, it saves people like me from the awkwardness of asking; I’m British, after all. Avoiding the judgement that can come with such requests has often made me melt with gratitude.

The one category of people I never felt bad asking, mind, were my nieces and nephews. Quite frankly, I’ve seen them all cough dramatically and unceremoniously into the air and pick their noses enough to know that their hands are definitely unclean. In corralling them to the sink and picking the smaller ones up to reach the soap, their parents would often follow suit (a tip, there, for anyone feeling as uncomfortable putting their foot down).

I had my baby in 2021 during the pandemic, already heightening the fear of viruses and illnesses for both my husband and I. My daughter was also born early, making her immune system even weaker, and her even more susceptible to infections. But even without those additional factors, babies and their families deserve the comfort of knowing their children are in clean hands. Yes, babies need to develop their immune systems, and eventually they need those germs. But there is plenty of time to thrust them into public transport-soiled palms. Those early weeks are fraught with enough exhaustion and challenges without adding in an illness that the rest of the family didn’t need to have. Sneezing after a c-section, explosive diarrhea after a 36-hour labour, waking a finally sleeping infant with an insuppressible coughing fit. Why anyone wouldn’t want to do something so small to reduce the chances of causing that is beyond me.

So next time you visit a baby, offer to wash your hands when you arrive. The parents may well be more grateful for that than any food, gifts or well-wishes you bring instead.

Grace Holliday is a freelance journalist and journalism lecturer