In honor of Salon’s new women’s blog, The Broadsheet, The Transom is pleased to present yet another excerpt from the New York Observer’s men-only blog, The Cockpit.
How Many R’s Are In “Marry”?
Dude, did you see what Kenny Chesney said about his she-had-me-at-goodbye “marriage” to Renee Zellweger? “It was like opening the door to your house and having someone come in and take your big-screen TV off the wall during the big game, and there’s nothing you can do about it.” Hoo, boy! “The big game.” Which big game would that be, sweetlips? The Clovers versus the Toros? C’mon, bro, you can get butcher than that? How about “It was like having a cheerleader suck your knob at the tractor pull while you clean your Smith & Wesson”? Or, you know, “It was like you just tapped the keg and it already floated.” Here’s the No. 1 Google Image search result for Kenny. It’s like Jeff Gannon at the rodeo.
Dude, did you see what Kenny Chesney said about his she-had-me-at-goodbye “marriage” to Renee Zellweger? “It was like opening the door to your house and having someone come in and take your big-screen TV off the wall during the big game, and there’s nothing you can do about it.” Hoo, boy! “The big game.” Which big game would that be, sweetlips? The Clovers versus the Toros? C’mon, bro, you can get butcher than that? How about “It was like having a cheerleader suck your knob at the tractor pull while you clean your Smith & Wesson”? Or, you know, “It was like you just tapped the keg and it already floated.” Here’s the No. 1 Google Image search result for Kenny. It’s like Jeff Gannon at the rodeo.
Hey, speaking of sports? How is Kenny Chesney like Reggie Miller at the free-throw line? SWISH!
–posted by Tom “BEEEEER RUUUUNNNNNN!” Scocca at 5:25 p.m.
