Oscars: New York vs. L.A.

NY sez: Kathryn Bigelow

LA sez: KING OF THE WORLD James Cameron

Edge: Bigelow. Because even KING OF THE WORLD, in faux-diplomatic mode, gave her this one.

Courtesy Voltage Pictures

NY sez: Colin Firth, playing gay.
LA sez: Jeff Bridges, playing grizzled.
Edge: Bridges--as grizzled as his standing as an Oscar also-ran.

Courtesy Butcher's Run Films

NY sez: Meryl Streep. Per New York, "There Is No Way on God's Green Earth That This Woman Should Have Fewer Best Actress Oscars Than Hilary Swank."

LA sez: Sandra Bullock. Per New York, "Who'da Thunk It?!"

Edge: Meryl. Because, Meryl. (Sandra Bullock--really?)

Courtesy Columbia Pictures

NY sez: Christoph Waltz, a foreigner in a Tarantino movie.

LA sez: Woody Harrelson, a pothead in an anti-war movie.

Edge: Waltz has this one locked up. Guess Germans in uniform are just more intense?

Courtesy Universal Pictures

NY sez: Mo'nique--searing.

LA sez: Anna Kendrick--spunky.

Edge: Mo'nique. Abusive mom trumps achieverly twerp any day.

Courtesy Lee Daniels Entertainment

NY sez: Up in the Air, because we don't want Walter Kirn's Twitter-battle for tickets to have been in vain.

LA sez: District 9. Derogatory nicknames like "prawns" don't make themselves up.

Edge: Up in the Air. Throw George Clooney and Jason Reitman a bone here.

Courtesy Paramount Pictures

NY sez: A Serious Man--bleak Jews.

LA sez: Inglourious Basterds--violent Jews.

Edge: Inglourious Basterds. Brad Pitt!

Courtesy Universal Pictures

NY sez: Burma VJ--anonymous video journalists are having a moment. Plus, we trust A.O. Scott.

LA sez: Food Inc.--California was all over conscientious eating before anyone else.

Edge: Food Inc. People care more about food than journalism.

Courtesy Magnolia Pictures

NY sez: We abstain, because Karen O. wasn't nominated for Where the Wild Things Are.

LA sez: James Horner for Avatar.

Edge: James Horner: Our hearts will go on.

Courtesy Twentieth Century Fox

NY sez: Transformers--Revenge of the Fallen: Ironically, because we don't know what this category means.

LA sez: Transformers--Revenge of the Fallen: Seriously, because those were loud fucking robots.

Edge: Tossup.

Final Score:
NY: 5.5
LA: 5.5
A bit anticlimactic, we admit. But you can't argue with science.

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Courtesy Dreamworks SKG