Hi Jana

I haven’t come across that quote before, thank you for sharing it! It reminds me of a story about a monk who was imprisoned and tortured. He forgave even the people who committed the vilest torture.

I do believe that compassion and understanding are key to these things. I’m keen to hear your thoughts too.

Love, peace and best wishes! ❤️🙏

Hi

It’s crucial to have realistic expectations and understand that extreme compassion is a guiding star, helping practitioners cultivate a compassionate mindset, while also acknowledging the need for self-protection and contextual adaptation.

I often find myself asking: Is it possible to remain compassionate while holding someone accountable and or protecting oneself?
I think the Buddha is say yes it is not only possible but something expected from his followers.

I’ll be honest and say that sometimes to take action I rely on the passion of righteous righteousness. Or using the adrenaline boost from fear, anger and hate, which I then take on as ‘being’ – I am angry, I am hate… and compassion nowhere to be found. When ‘I am anger and or hate’ getting even is the most likely driving force behind my actions..

There doesn’t seem to be a great deal of energy created from the compassionate state, but maybe that’s the wrong way to look it?

When I feel anger or fear, and get that boost of energy, the energy remains available without me having to ‘become anger’, I can still act from a place of compassion while holding someone accountable or protecting myself. I can do it not from a place of getting even, being right… but from a place of compassion. I don’t have to become what I’m fighting against to fight it.

Dear Jana:

Your commitment to living a moral life and following the Eightfold Noble Path is truly admirable. It makes perfect sense that leading a life rooted in Right Thinking, Right Speech, and Right Action can help minimize conflicts and attacks. True, in practical life, compassion and goodness do not always protect people from real harm.

“Can we really be pure Buddhists to survive in real, practical life where you must socialize with all kinds of people including very bad ones?”- one of Buddhism’s core teachings is the impermanence of all things. This includes understanding that situations .and people can change. Adapting to changing circumstances and behaviors (including by protecting oneself) while maintaining core principles is part of being a Buddhist.

Setting boundaries to protect oneself from harm is consistent with the principle of non-harming (ahimsa), which includes not harming oneself. Buddhism is about acting with compassion, but not enabling harmful behavior. For example, if someone is being unkind, respond with calmness and compassion but also assertively communicate your boundaries.

Buddhism teaches the concept of “skillful means” (upaya) which involves using wisdom and compassion to handle situations in the most skillful, effective ways: finding ways to avoid conflict, using diplomacy (diplomacy that’s to be adjusted to a culture that frowns on politeness/ aplogizing, as you shared about recently..), and seeking peaceful resolutions while staying true to your principles.

Practicing mindfulness helps in staying present and responding thoughtfully rather than reacting impulsively. It helps in recognizing harmful behaviors, setting appropriate boundaries, and protecting oneself.

In essence, being a “pure Buddhist” (I read and learn) in practical life involves striving to embody the principles of Buddhism while recognizing the need for practical wisdom, self-care, and protecting onself- and others- from harm.

anita

Hi Jana

Regarding worrying about feeling attacked. I think that a way to deal with this is to build up your confidence in coping with these situations and acknowledging that the past was difficult, and it is stressful to deal with these things even as an adult. But! You are an adult and you are very capable of handling difficult situations.

You handled the difficulties with your neighbour well. You deal with criticism from others well. Whilst it does hurt. You are a very capable person. Even as a child, you stood up to bullies and protected others.

My thoughts are that there are bad people in the world, but there are far more average person in the world and there are also good people in the world. The key is being able to tell the difference. The way that people behave with others is a predictor for how they will treat you. People often have patterns. If you listen and watch, you can learn who you should avoid or if forced to interact with them, be very careful around.

I think that if we are careful as adults, very few seriously bad things happen and the bad things that do happen if you take care of yourself well are often unpreventable and unpredictable. I like to compare my fears with outcomes because I have a tendency to catastrophise. I find that it helps to reassure myself that my worst fears are unlikely to come true and that a more tolerable outcome is likely because I am capable and skilled enough to handle emergencies.

Love, peace and best wishes! ❤️🙏