The broadcast networks are deep into finale season, and several of those season enders are represented in our Quotes of the Week column.
In the list below, we’ve gathered nearly 20 of television’s most memorable sound bites from the past seven days, including moments both scripted and unscripted from broadcast, cable and streaming series.
This time around, we’ve got a hilariously morbid interpretation of Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory from Ted Lasso‘s Higgins, one of the oddest questions ever uttered on Survivor (which is really saying something, given that show’s longevity), a never-ending mystery on The Neighborhood, and proof — courtesy of 9-1-1: Lone Star — that a wedding officiant can be both sentimental and practical while on the job.
Also featured in this week’s roundup: a double dose of Apple TV+’s new High Desert, plus the rare triple dose, this time from Grey’s Anatomy‘s two-episode season finale.
Scroll through the list below to see all of our picks for the week, then hit the comments and tell us if we missed any of your faves!
“Dana’s dating an expert in computer crimes and roofies?! We need to terminate him with extreme prejudice.”
“Honey, you know that means ‘kill,’ right?”
“OK, fine. Not that. But something!”
Helen (Ginger Gonzaga) isn’t afraid to apply her new spy knowledge to the sketchy kid dating her daughter, but Harry (Steve Howey) sets her straight
“If you kill yourself now, we will eat you.”
“I don’t care.”
“I will savor every moment of it, especially your high-calorie butt meat.”
Misty (Samantha Hanratty) employs very on-brand tactics as she tries to stop Coach Ben (Steven Krueger) from throwing himself off a cliff
“I don’t want to be part of the Akufo League.”
“Oh, why? Because he’s an emotionally erratic billionaire with the temperament of one of those kids in Willy Wonka that gets murdered at the chocolate factory?”
“I don’t think that’s what happens, Leslie.”
“I hate to break it to you, Rebecca, but those children are dead.”
Higgins (Jeremy Swift), with the only correct interpretation of Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory
“You put me in an impossible situation today, and I hate you for that. I hate you so much that I am going to cry now because that’s how I express anger, and I’m going to hate you even more because you saw me cry. And the worst part is… you saved her. You saved my favorite person, so I don’t get to just hate you, I have to love you, too.”
Jules (Adelaide Kane) lashes out at Blue for ignoring Max’s DNR order
“I love you, and I’m gonna love you… forever.”
“You unbelievable dummy. I love you, too.”
Finally, Link (Chris Carmack) and Jo (Camilla Luddington) say it — at the same time!
“I wasted years of my life trying to avoid pain, and I went to your house to say that I never should’ve let you walk away and to say that I wanna live a whole life with love and mess and pain and you.”
“Well, OK, then.”
Wait, that was all it took to get Nick (Scott Speedman) and Meredith (Ellen Pompeo) back together?
“Can you burp in my mouth… in my nose?”
When Yam Yam comes back from a reward feast, Carolyn asks for just a small, uhh, smell of what he dined on
“It’s fun. My team is playing your team. It’s only spicy because if my team wins, they’re gonna shoot your team.”
Roman (Kieran Culkin) shares his cheerfully amoral perspective on the looming presidential election
“The Cannoli King?”
“Yeah, is that an actual person, or just a steamy metaphor?”
McGee (Sean Murray), Jess (Katrina Law), et al. learn that Parker’s dinner date was with no pastry icon, but a pretty U.S. senator
“To hell with this. I need some air.”
“We’re outside.”
“I need different air!”
Jordan (Michael Evans Behling) and Layla’s (Greta Onieogou) argument comes to a nonsensical end
“Who would’ve thought? Me at my age starting this prestigious career… I’m like Mary Tyler Moore on methadone!”
Peggy (Patricia Arquette) compares herself to a comedy legend while explaining her new job as a private investigator (of sorts) to her siblings
“Are you tripping right now?”
“Immaterial.”
“You’re trying to divorce me on acid! You’re not thinking straight.”
“That’s why I’m thinking straight… It’s acid. It’s not drugs.”
Peggy (Patricia Arquette) creates her own rules when it comes to her “sobriety” and trying to divorce her husband Denny (Matt Dillon)
“You just don’t flirt with someone who used to be obsessed with you!”
Steffy (Jacqueline MacInnes Wood) can’t contain her upset after spying Hope “gazing with desire” at Thomas
“I’ve hopped over plenty of d—ks for you, missy. For three years I’ve done nothing but hop over d—ks.”
Susie (Alex Borstein) takes issue with Midge’s claim that she fights harder for fellow client James, for whom she stormed a bath house “and hopped over d—ks” to land him a gig
“I’ve got to ask: What were your parents thinking when they named you Lamar?”
“It’s actually a combination of my parents’ names.”
“Ohhh! Well, that makes sense.”
“Latasha and Marcellus.”
The origin of Lamar’s (Kevin Pollak) name provides more questions than it does answers
“Wait, can’t Ernie track her phone?”
“Her phone’s turned off, Kate.”
“Have Ernie turn it back on remotely!”
“Ernie isn’t magic.”
A desperate Kate (Tori Anderson) works with Lucy (Yasmine al-Bustami) and Ernie (Jason Antoon) to locate Jane
“May you laugh together often, may you surprise each other daily and, most importantly, may you stay out of the ICU for at least a year.”
#TarlosWedding officiant Paul (Brian Michael Smith) is speaking for the entire Lone Star fandom here
It’s only right that a quote from the snarky Roman Roy make the cut.
I would not want to get married after my father’s murder, but I guess they would lose the deposit…
Also Steffy has learned power clashing from Jack Donaghy
This whole ‘i hate you so much that i love you’ monologue has to stop, it peaked with when harry met sally, come up with some new ideas. The fact that three nonsense boring unoriginal declarations of love from the same show made this weeks column made me doubt the writer(s) know what good dialogue is. The entirety of ted lasso was better
That was one of my favs from Mrs Maisel 508 too
Was anyone else expecting Abe Weissman’s monologue of his deep realization about his daughter & granddaughter to be one of these quotes?
It was so incredibly touching, to see Abe work through his unrealized prejudices and break through his previous miss-understandings about the capabilities to be seen if one is not willfully ignorant.
3 quotes from Grey’s and none from Station 19?
I know it’s not the funniest dialogue, but the way Frank said “Connor’s running for President?!?” made me bust out laughing
I’m with Ted Lasso’s Higgins on this one: those children are dead Rebecca.
Yam Yam’s reaction to Carolyn’s burp request was hilarious!