Yellowstone’s Beth Dutton is always ready to put up her dukes and throw down. But when she really wants to deliver a knockout punch, she doesn’t make a fist, she just opens her mouth. As anyone who has ever been on the receiving end of one of her savage burns would tell ya, they sting worse than a cattle brand.
As far back as the premiere of the Paramount Network drama, which returns for the back half of its fifth and final season in November, MVP Kelly Reilly‘s foulmouthed character has been establishing herself as the show’s go-to for priceless putdowns. And no one but no one is safe. Adopted brother Jamie may be Beth’s favorite target, but when she’s duly inspired, she’ll take aim and hurl an insult at anybody, be they friend or foe, boss or even the governor of Montana.
As we count down to the show’s comeback for its sendoff — and await more intel on the spinoff that will continue the story of the Dutton family — join TVLine as we turn up the heat with a review of Beth’s all-time best burns. Sorry, aloe vera not included with this article.
In “Daybreak,” Beth’s future husband Rip Wheeler makes the grievous mistake of responding to their hookup by inviting her to a music festival. “That’s funny,” she tells him. “I always remember your d–k as being bigger. I guess that’s just the nostalgic in me.” So… that’s a “no” then?
When Jamie needs advice in “Kill the Messenger,” he goes to the absolute last person in the world that he should: Beth. “Yes, I know you’re gay,” she cracks without even hearing her brother’s question, “and no, Daddy will not still love you when you tell him.” At a loss for words, Jamie… well, see above.
In “No Good Horses,” Jamie questions the wisdom of Beth’s decision to take a bath outdoors in front of the ranch hands. In response, she questions whether he possesses any wisdom at all. “Every now and then you say something that makes me think you’re smart,” she snarks, “and then I look at you, and that thought fades.”
Beth makes a lasting first impression on Roarke Morris upon their meeting in “You’re the Indian Now.” “I see the women in this valley have gotten a lot more fashionable,” he says, turning on the charm. “I see Chippendales changed their policy on capped teeth,” she fires back, decidedly not charmed.
In “Cowboys and Dreamers,” Roarke proves that he has no idea who (or what!) he is dealing with when he warns Beth that she’ll be fighting a losing battle if she decides to take on an opponent as big and bad as Market Equities. So she explains their roles thusly: “You are the trailer park. I am the tornado.”
At a contentious meeting with former boss Bob Schwartz and his lackey in “Half the Money,” Beth orders a “double Tito’s, three olives.” Understandably, the waitress is like, “You mean a martini.” Nope. “Martinis have vermouth and are enjoyed with friends,” Beth replies. “I don’t like vermouth, and these aren’t my friends.” Bazinga!
Beth sure knows how to make a guest feel welcome. When she finds a scantily clad Summer Higgins in the kitchen, she pulls a knife and takes a stab at letting John know how she feels about his playmate. “Dad,” she tells him, “if you’re gonna hire a hooker, would ya please let me get you a good one?”
Later in “I Want to Be Him,” Summer tries to give as good as she’s getting by cracking to Beth, “I hope you didn’t pay full price for that boob job.” Needless to say, Summer is entirely out of her league. “Actually,” Beth replies, “God gave me these for free. Looks like he gave me yours, too.”
A flashback in “A Hundred Years Is Nothing” finds a young Rip promising Beth that he’ll be the Yellowstone‘s top hand someday. “Wow,” she replies, underwhelmed. “So much ambition. I mean, that’s like dreaming of running the grill at McDonald’s.”
In “The Sting of Wisdom,” a dirtbag bar patron challenges Beth to peg him. Hey, he asked for it. “You’ve got a couple of grown kids. Once they left the house, your wife divorced you so fast, she left f–king skid marks, but how nice for you, huh?” she begins. Only it’s “no longer cool to boink the coeds.” So he moved to Bozeman. “Now you teach Zoom classes from the living room of your creekside cabin, and you lecture about the concentration of wealth and how it’s decimating the middle class, all while you draw your six-figure salary and finance your dream home with a loan from the university that is 275 basis points below the loans that your students need to take out to listen to this s–t. And my guess is that you paid over asking price for it, because it’s just Monopoly money to you, isn’t it? So, you run up the house prices here and f–k the middle classes in two states. Bravo, you f–king hypocrite.”
Summer’s absence hasn’t made Beth’s heart grow any fonder of her by the time John moves the ex-con into his house in “Watch ‘Em Ride Away.” So when his daughter asks for a word, he can guess the topic. “Is this about Summer?” he asks. “When you say Summer, are you referring to the season,” Beth replies, “or that hairy hippie giving syphilis to our sofa?”
“Where’s the fun in wrecking a single man? When I break you, I want to know I’m breaking generations.”
“The sting never fades with me. It is a painful lesson and one you’re about to learn. “
Love it and her! I will miss Yellowstone but it’s sure been a dehydrated season. I do like Mr. Sheridan’s writing. I’ve watched all the shows so far and am waiting for more. I’ve been surprised at the variety of what he writes. Please don’t wait so long between shows.