Men Training For Triathlon Too Afraid To Admit How Horrible It All Is & How They Want To Stop

PUSHING THEIR BODIES to the very limits of their very limited limits has left a few group of men in their late 30s and early 40s so weather beaten they want nothing more in the world than for one of their training group to be brave enough to say they want to stop.

“God I don’t know myself, tough alright but never been fitter,” said one of the crew, Conor McGallen, suppressing the urge to burst into tears and snottily sob and declare how much he fucking hates doing it.

Fearing everyone else’s exuberant ‘no pain, no gain’ outlook is 100% genuine, McGallen joins all six other members of the training group putting on a facade which suggests thinking you’re having a heart attack every time you train is actually really character building and great fun.

“We’re not even doing it for a charity or anything, so it’d be a clean break, no shame or guilt. My fucking limbs feel like they’ve gone through a blender and been reassembled by Salvador Dali,” whispered Ger Costigan, afraid to admit how ridiculous a pursuit this has all been.

“I don’t care what anyone says, we’re not built to piss about on a bike and swim and then run, I’m built to grimace and make noises when I reach for my beer on the couch while eating industrial quantities of crisps,” chief ‘another session tomorrow?’ ringleader Paul Scollen said to himself, resisting the urge to tearfully ring his wife and beg her to make up some story about the house being robbed or the dog dying so he could get out of this hell.

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