Young people might not think that tardiness is a rude thing to do. When it comes to work, for example, Gen Z miss a quarter of their deadlines each week. Baby boomers, on the other hand, miss only 6% and Gen X 10%. People may have different definitions of what being late is, but lateness might cause trouble when it’s between friends.

This woman decided to teach her perpetually late friend a lesson. When he didn’t arrive 40 minutes after the set meeting time, she just up and left. She did, however, later start to wonder; was that a jerk move or was she right to not put up with his antics anymore?

A woman had enough of her friend always being late and just left when he didn’t show up on time for a lunch date

Image credits: Oleg Ivanov (not the actual photo)

She didn’t notify him, so she later wondered if what she did was a jerk move

Image credits: Mitchel Lensink (not the actual photo)

Image source: danceofthefireys

There’s still no consensus on whether habitually late people can help being late

Image credits: Curated Lifestyle (not the actual photo)

There are two schools of thought when it comes to dealing with friends who are always late. One side says that the late person is always the jerk and disrespecting their friends. Others try to validate their experience and say the perpetually late just can’t help it.

Etiquette experts say that it’s disrespectful to treat others like their time and plans don’t matter. As the Golden Rules Gal Lisa Mirza Grotts told Bored Panda in a previous interview, “Punctuality is a courtesy that we extend to others and they extend to us. It’s the golden rule on steroids.”

The always late folks themselves sometimes blame time blindness. They just don’t perceive time like the rest of us do and can’t accurately judge how much time doing certain things will take. Dr. Michael Manos, a pediatric behavioral health specialist at the Cleveland Clinic, told the New York Post that it’s a real thing that has been researched. “Everybody has time blindness at times,” he said.

We think of being late as an annoying characteristic our friends have. But, in fact, tardiness might serve the chronically late people in a way. In 2019, researchers from Harvard found that those who are always late may live longer, as they have lower blood pressure and have less risk of developing heart disease.

Perhaps it’s us, serial worriers, who are wrong? We’ll probably never find out, as this issue is more a battle of opinions rather than an argument that can be won with facts. Maybe we all should try out being late? It might give our chronically late friends a taste of their own medicine and give us a few more years to live.

The chronically late and their friends can try meeting halfway to solve this annoying problem

Image credits: kevin laminto (not the actual photo)

There are things those who are always late can do to rectify their annoying bad habit. But friends of the habitually late folks also can take some steps so they’re less aggravated by their friends’ behavior.

The first suggestion for friends who are fed up with always waiting for their friends comes from cognitive behavioral therapy. Experts say that we shouldn’t take it personally when a friend doesn’t arrive on time and try to shift our perspective.

Psychologist Alex Stratyner, PhD told SELF that often it’s not about you. It’s about that person and what they are dealing with. Perhaps they’re dealing with a sick family member, maybe they have a medical condition, or they just come from a family that never prioritized punctuality.

Dr. Stratyner believes that the best strategy in dealing with someone who’s perpetually late is to honestly tell them. Don’t judge or reprimand them, but communicate how it makes you feel: hurt, disrespected, maybe even disappointed. When they do show up on time, encourage them; according to Dr. Stratyner, people are more motivated to change when they’re praised and not criticized.

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Those who always arrive late to things can also do a few things to curb their bad habit. Psychotherapist Stephanie Sarkis suggests taking advantage of the technologies available to us: use alarms, reminders, and note apps. Sleep deprivation and a stressful mode of life can exacerbate time blindness, so be sure to take care of your physical well-being.

Many people said they would have done the same thing: “People [who] waste other people’s time are rude”

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Others, however, say there’s more nuance, and that both friends could’ve communicated better: “Passive-aggressive isn’t cute”

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