The first thing to note when discussing the business secrets of the Pharaohs is an acknowledgement that their era was so completely different from our own that almost all cultural, political and, particularly, business parallels we draw between the two eras are bound, by their very nature, to be wrong.
So then, as the critics and the nay sayers and the tall-poppy-chopper-downers ask with their probing questions and their knowing sneers and unfriendly voices: "Why use the Pharaohs as the basis for a business manual?" "Well," I would answer, "I think any 'business' that lasted for more than three thousand years, as did that of ancient Egypt, is probably worth studying!" (Even if in a strict, or indeed even vague sense, it wasn't really a business at all but a civilization, with no comparable notion of "business".) "And what right have you to write such a book?" the chip-on-the-shoulder, drag-everything-down, cynical anti-globalisation types might ask. Well, I may only be a senior loans sales executive but sometimes the best view is from low down!
That, after all, is why potholing is such a popular sport. Because of the views. Probably.
So here are my eight habits of the highly effective Pharaohs:
Getting it wrong isn't necessarily wrong - it might be sort of right (in a weird way)
The Pharaohs believed that the sun died each night and was reborn each morning through the legs of the Goddess "Nut".
Obviously, they were wrong. However, there is no need for us to crow unduly about this. No doubt many of the things we believe in today such as the Premiership, Pilates, and smoothies will eventually turn out to be wrong. Maybe when our civilization has lasted 3,000 years we can "have a pop at the champ"!
What's important isn't what's "true" or "false", it's the business effectiveness of any given idea. The Egyptians prospered for thousands of years on a religious philosophy that was both incredibly complicated and totally wrong. Hence, it doesn't matter if viral internet marketing works or not, the important thing is to trust that it does. One hundred per cent. Go for it!
Evolution - not revolution!
Ptolemy I went as far as to create a new god "Serapis" to try to appeal to both his Greek and Egyptian subjects. However, this new deity, with the body of a whale, the face of a cat and the temper of magpie, never caught on. He was meant to be the deity that ruled over inland waterways, canapés and impatience. But because he was introduced without strong Pharonic backing he withered away to become a minor deity favoured only by the stupid.
There is a clear parallel here with new product launches. New Coke and roast beef Monster Munch both suffered a similar fate because of ineffective brand identification.
**Encourage your subjects to consider you divine **
The Pharaohs were considered to be divine by their subjects and the fact that they were in contact with the realm of gods like Anubis, Amon-Re, Hubble and She-ra made it easier for them to control and tax their lands.
Obviously, the modern business leader cannot make out he is an actual functioning deity. But you might want to encourage the notion that you are in contact with "higher powers" such as Sugar, Branson and Gates.
Think ahead - 3,000 years ahead!
Given a real business toughie, try asking yourself this: how will my decision here be viewed in several millennia? No one wants to be the arsehole in the hieroglyphics who failed to see the rise of personal computing. Thinking in terms of awesome stretches of unimaginable time may help to crystallise things for you. For example, in 3,000 years time would you rather be known as someone who paid great wages and was well liked by his colleagues, or as someone who, yes, may have had a few slaves, but built a pyramid that he wrongly believed helped his soul transmute to another realm? I think the answer is clear.
Analyse threats - attack using "chariots"
For the Pharaohs the threats were the Assyrians, the Nubians and the mysterious "Sea Peoples". For you it may be web sales competitors, cheap Chinese imports, or in certain extreme cases, the Assyrians, Nubians or "Sea Peoples".
The Pharaohs responded with mighty crushing force, using chariots and fast-moving armies. You need also to have fast-moving armies - armies of marketing, research and development, and sales.
The chariots of these armies will be your market flexibility. Also, their chariots will be their cars. Make sure to service your car fleet biannually.
Build big pyramids!
The Pharaohs are known worldwide for their distinctive trademark.
The pyramid. It's lasted and lasted, and is an undisputed brand leader as a tomb. Ask yourself if, in your product or service sector, your company has a "pyramid". It needn't, obviously, be a pyramid. It might be some other structure or idea or thing. Bill Gates' pyramid is Windows. Roman Abramovich's pyramid used to be gas (or oil) but now it's football. That's a pretty remarkable pyramid, it's gone from being an inchoate substance to 11 men in blue! If your company doesn't have a pyramid - get one, fast! Something you'll be known for around the world. If you can't think of anything, perhaps you should consider building an actual pyramid. They are hardy, striking and easy to maintain.
You could paint it a weird colour or write something on the side.
Consider wearing a false beard
In ancient Egypt, false beards were worn by Pharaohs because they were associated with kings and gods. They were attached by straps and may have been woven of scratchy materials to remind the wearer of the constant irritation of making the transition to the underworld and forgetting a key item, such as a penknife or set of keys.
If you are lacking "gravitas" in the business environment and fear you are being mocked by colleagues behind your back, who perhaps make funny "jokes" at your expense during meetings, maybe, possibly, although probably not, you could consider taking a leaf out of the Pharaohs book - a beard might help give you more authority.
Of course, in the modern day the beard is more closely associated with the outsider; the Harley-Davidson fanatic or wandering, shouting loony. But a slimline moustache is a powerful sign of authority and virility. If you find your top lip can't muster one unaided, maybe you could try drawing one on?
Relax!
The historical record is too incomplete to let us know whether the Pharaohs took "holidays" as we know them. One thing's for sure, if they didn't, they should have and their civilization would have lasted even longer. Probably. You and everyone in your team needs to beware the demon stress. Take steps to de-stress.
Wrapping yourself up like a mummy and drinking only energy drinks through a straw might possibly be one way of de-stressing.
Signs of stress can include, but are not limited to: sustained crying/desire to cry; nausea; blood from unexpected orifice(s). Don't let these things bring down your "civilization" (business)!
*As told to Jesse Armstrong. * Business Secrets Of The Pharaohs is the indispensable guide to business practice gleaned from the wisdom of ancient Egypt by history enthusiast Mark Corrigan. Originally published in the January 2006 issue of British GQ.
