How can you create a supportive network?

It is especially important for those like myself that are racially minoritized and marginalized to understand what we need and to exercise our agency by asking for what and who we need to support our wellbeing. The adage ask for what you need and allow others to respond is so key here. I remember the first time I connected with a group of BIPOC practitioners, how refreshing it was. I didn't know I needed it until I experienced it. The liberation it allowed me to feel by show up as my unapologetic and authentic self was priceless. In the end it supported me achieving a level of mindfulness that surpassed my expectation and the network I gained was my new forever tribe.

In times of stress, isolation, or conflict, the traditional rules of using one's network don't apply. My experience of supporting people through chronic stress, anxiety, depression and burnout has taught me that mindfulness, in these states, feels very distant and we might be too paralysed to even identify our needs. Thinking about building or maintaining network shouldn't even be on our to-do list during these times. In critical moments, we should be able to contact one or two people who are trained coaches or therapists to help us get unstuck. Once we cover our basis, we can start thinking about building a broader support group, which from our research seems like communities of like-minded peers are most helpful in career growth.

Our approach to our Mindful Teacher Community Network needs assessment was centered on active and inclusive participation from community members at every stage, ensuring they felt involved and valued in shaping the assessment's direction. Leveraging the diverse talents within our membership, we invited individuals with expertise in surveying, marketing, and communication to contribute to the process. Overall, being part of the Mindful TeacherCommunity Network has had a positive and enriching impact on the teachers' personal and professional growth, fostering a sense of belonging and mutual support in their mindfulness journey.

Having a group of people who provide you with emotional support, constructive feedback, and motivation can be extremely beneficial for mental well-being and personal growth. The connection between building a support network and the practice of mindfulness also makes sense. Mindfulness involves being aware of the present moment and cultivating compassion for oneself and others. Having a support network can contribute to this practice by providing opportunities to develop authentic and empathetic relationships. It requires time, effort, and effective communication skills. However, the benefits far outweigh the challenges, as a strong support network can offer a valuable emotional cushion during times of stress and difficulties.

Prioritizing your needs often unfairly carries the label of selfishness, yet the adage holds true: you can't pour from an empty cup. If you're not replenishing yourself and addressing your own needs, any attempts at "giving" to others might lack genuine quality. Mindfulness comes in here, allowing us to be present and attuned to our internal resources. This helps us maintain a healthy equilibrium and prevents us from running on empty. Ideally, with consistent mindfulness practice, what you share with others stems from the overflow of your own fulfilled cup and more!

Adam Grant gives a great example about supportive network building in his book “ Give and Take” Givers - giving without expecting something in return - are the best ones in networking because they are genuine and their value is helping others. From my experience, the most quality and trustworthy network I have consists of givers. Highly recommend the book 📚

My mindfulness network is just 3 of us in a WhatsApp chat, leaving voice messages – and it’s amazing. It works because we chose each other carefully, having met in meditation communities that attracted like-minded people. We all have the same level of commitment to meditation, the same basic approach to it, and the same willingness to speak honestly about our lives and practices. It is one of the best things in my life. So: try a bunch of meditation/mindfulness groups. Find the ones that suit you best. Then look out for the people you really click with. These people can become your community-within-a-community. The close mindfulness friends with whom you share your practice.

You can evaluate whether or not a network is helpful by considering how you feel after meeting with them. Do you feel energized and inspired, or do you feel depleted and overwhelmed? A supportive network or colleague/friend ideally energizes and inspires you, rather than draining you. Many of my clients get down on themselves because they only have a few friends, while other people with "tons" of friends. I explain to them that one quality friendship where you can be completely authentic is far more valuable than twenty "friendships" that consist of occasional gossip sessions.

LIVE YOUR MINDFULNESS EVERY DAY True mindfulness is not a mental exercise. It is a way of life. It should be practiced at every opportunity until it becomes a natural part of your character, much like kindness and generosity of spirit. Always move towards the light -- embrace an optimistic attitude, go where you are appreciated, avoid negative people, and focus on what you can do to improve the here and now.

To me, qualities of a supportive network are people that leave you feeling good; positive outlooks, genuine communication, sincere intention. We must be able to give these to others in order for the law of attraction to bring these kind of people to us!

When building or nurturing relationships or supportive networks, shared experiences play a crucial role. Research highlights that activities like sports, clubs, and classes tap into our neurological processes, such as the activation of mirror neurons and endorphin release (e.g.: with exercise), promoting empathy and bonding. Group dynamics further show that facing challenges or achieving common goals together strengthens unity. Additionally, these group activities cultivate a shared identity, giving individuals a sense of belonging and kinship.

Support is energy that flows in both directions. Sometimes, we feel higher and more capable of being there for others, and other times we feel lower and need someone to help us get on our feet. Both are perfectly normal. This is the beauty of social connection and it's so important to honour it through our communication with others. When we feel higher and more energised, can we reach out to a few people and offer unconditional help? When we feel low, can we reach out and ask for help, without feeling like we owe anything to anyone? Can we simply accept that this is the flow of energy and that we're all here for one another?

In my experience being supportive to my network of friends and colleagues in my profession has really helped. When others reach out to me for any kind of support and advise they need, I always help them. This is turn brings in a feeling of mutual trust and faith in relationships. Being proactive is very important and is a key to build long term network. Some ways can be Identifying your network, reaching out to them and asking the right questions when you need help and support.

Although we may have a spark of interest or a complimentary personality with someone, quality relationships come from putting in work. That means reaching out, listening, encouraging, and consoling. Often people think of a sense of connection with someone as the prerequisite to a relationship yet most of the the time it is the consequence of fostering a relationship, that fades if we stop.

Sometimes I tell my patients who are struggling with boundaries the following advise: “No is a verb” What this means is, when you say no to something that’s beyond where your own physical, mental or spiritual capacities are able to preform service to others, then “no as a verb” is saying “yes” to your own needs. It’s actually vital we know when being on call, in a healing profession, or the helper in our small or large communities, that we have limits. Our energy needs to not constantly be pulled here or there. While the natural give and take is healthy in a support situation of friends, colleagues or family, we need healthy limits to sit inside our own life also. Don’t be the giver who doesn’t receive from yourself. “NO IS A VERB” ♥️

In mindful communities, which I believe workplaces should be too, boundaries are becoming a centerpiece of a healthy culture. Boundaries cultivate an environment of respect and understanding for everyone involved, particularly important with the increased diversity of needs and preferences. Yet, most of us were never taught how to set and accept boundaries. In our stress management training for leaders, we teach this 6-step process of setting boundaries: 1. Pause, breathe, connect within 2. Identify the need & boundary 3. Identify action if the boundary is crossed 4. Communicate 5. Set & Enforce 6. Re-enforce, if crossed As we change, our boundaries also change and so it’s healthy to communicate them on a regular basis.

Boundaries and limits are helpful terms, yet I much prefer limits as a concept. Boundaries are often synonymous with hard lines, yet our capacity, vulnerability, and resilience waxes and wanes. And with that out limits can too. I may hold a form no to a request one day because it’s out of limits that day yet a week later I may be delighted to be asked and feel a sense of accomplishment in helping. Don’t hold on to boundaries to tightly but do be clear on your limits given your current capacity.

Modeling goes a long way for both boundaries and respect. Demonstrate how you would like others to engage with you. Modeling also affords you the opportunity to practice what may be new skills for yourself.

Practicing gratitude and appreciating the people in my network has really enriched my relationships. In my view people like to be respected and valued it’s one of our core needs. The best part is that it doesn’t cost anything. Just a small thank you note and few words of appreciation can go a long way in making their day look good and bringing a smile to their face. People always remember how you made them feel and will forget the rest.

I would argue that empathy is the cornerstone of meaningful connections in a supportive environment. To build such a network, I believe in putting myself in others' shoes truly and intentionally attempting to understand their feelings and perspectives. This genuine understanding forms the basis of my interactions. I actively listen, which creates a safe space where others can openly share. By reciprocating the same empathy I hope to receive, I seek to foster an environment of trust and psychological safety. It's about uplifting each other through encouragement and being a reliable presence. Through empathy, I aim to create a supportive network, all while giving grace to myself and others.

A supportive social network requires mindful communication. Before sharing, consider who is what I am about to speak in service of, myself, others or both. Each has a time and place, as well as the power of silence to listen more deeply.

Accommodation: Accommodating involves being flexible, cooperative, and willing to make adjustments or compromises to meet the needs or requests of others. It is driven by a genuine desire to find mutually beneficial solutions and maintain harmonious relationships. Accommodating individuals consider the perspectives and preferences of others and are open to finding middle ground