How can you customize feedback for coaching and mentoring?

As a military veteran, I have experienced the intricate dance of evaluating soldiers under my command. Emphasizing direct observation mirrors the military's belief in actions speaking louder than words. The power of asking questions recalls extracting insights, fostering stronger bonds. Reviewing work aligns with ensuring mission success serves strategic objectives. Assessment tools echos reliance on precise metrics and data-driven insights. Tailoring feedback triggers thoughts on personalized leadership crucial in the military. The counter productivity of harsh feedback prompts reflection on motivating without demoralizing. Aligning feedback with learning objectives mirrors the military's focus on honing skills for strategic success.

Normally, I study the feedback receiver from multiple perspectives. I would like to know exactly what happened and the context, the individual's thought process and personality type, and their mindset in receiving the feedback. This helps me to prepare objective feedback which is clear and value-adding for the individual.

Assessing a learner in order to provide tailored feedback is part of being a good manager. Providing ideas and steps the learner can do to improve, makes a GREAT manager.

It's very important to be empathetic even when assessing the learner. To not judge, but observe is what gives you some real information.

Feedback to a client should ideally form part of the entire coaching process that one would use. Hence, to customize the feedback, you need to customize the coaching process as a whole. Just as there is no "one size fits all" coaching process, the same applies to feedback. The manner in which the client would like to receive feedback would thus be negotiated and agreed upon during the initial intro session, where the whole coaching process will be discussed and agreed upon.

Choose your feedback, and then pay careful attention to how it is received. Be curious about the reaction to the feedback- this is where the opportunity for deeper exploration and learning comes in. If the person looks frustrated, ask, “I am sensing frustration, how do you feel about the feedback I just gave you?” You will be surprised at the kinds of breakthroughs that can happen from this kind of question. Something that seems like a simple skill mistake can actually be a deeper self confidence issue, and by exploring and holding space for it, you can facilitate deep transformation!

Tailoring feedback in coaching and mentoring involves personalised approaches. Begin with appreciative feedback, highlighting strengths and achievements to boost confidence and motivation. Constructive feedback should focus on specific areas for improvement, offering actionable steps and guidance. Timely feedback is crucial, providing immediate insights after sessions to ensure relevance and impact. Additionally, feedback should be individualised, considering mentees' learning styles, preferences, and goals. Encouraging self-reflection and seeking mentees' input fosters a collaborative feedback process, enhancing effectiveness and fostering growth.

I find the most powerful feedback often is to simply hold up the mirror to the coachee so they notice what they might have been doing/not doing and get their own insight from it. This can be in different forms, either summarising their own words back to them or even mirroring body language. For example, one of my clients tends to put her hand on her mouth when she feels insecure or doubts her own thoughts. Only through me mirroring and being curious about this behaviour patterns did she notice it.

You should not solely base your decision what kind of feedback to give on your observations. Instead, try to level set with them first by asking, “How do you think that went?” If they need corrective feedback but think they’re about to receive reinforcing feedback and praise, they will struggle to accept what you have to say. While a positive performance may make this step seem irrelevant, it can be just as difficult to process reinforcing feedback for someone who thinks they performed poorly. By taking a moment to dig into their perception you will not just prepare them to process what you have to say, you’ll also be developing a habit of self-reflection. This approach also helps create alignment in how you evaluate performance.

I personally prefer to ask questions first, before passing on the feedback. That helps the learner in reflecting their own journey, and in identifying what's been working or not working. Once that conscious thought is present, it's easier to even decide the type of feedback that needs to be given.

I adore the SBI (situation, behavior, impact) model, as it allows the real focus to be on the impact the action or communication had, rather than the skill or intention of the actor or communicator. Framed using SBI, it neutralizes the emotion of receiving 'negative' feedback as doing something bad; rather, focusing on the impact the behavior had on others allows for a graceful learning opportunity and also provides a backstop to adjust against.

An interesting statistic is how much our tonality effects communication. Only 7% of what we say (verbal) forms our interpretation and understanding of what is communicated. 45% is body language.... and the balance, 38% is tonality and pitch. A great coach will keep their voice calm and modulated, encouraging the learner to feel at ease, safe and supported... at all times.

An essential element of good coaching—and an area that many people get wrong—is to not dispense advice. Good coaching includes asking good questions, active listening, and then responding by connecting the dots and providing observations and reflections back to the person being coached. This approach allows people to experience their own thoughts and ideas more objectively, and gives you (as the coach) a platform to ask more questions. By getting this tactic right, you will empower people to come up with their own solutions, not the ones you recommend. It is a very powerful and impactful way to support others ☀️☺️

Remember that you are human and the person you are talking to is a human. Do you like being spoken to like you are being investigated by the IRS? Be yourself and be honest about your expectations, explain the context and why the feedback is important. You are both ultimately working toward a common goal, so use language and tone that makes it clear that you are in this together!

As a People Leader, I have learned that feedback is important but the right tone is essential. Remember, we need to convey the message in a way that people do not feel disrespected.

Encouraging 360 degree feedback in my experience not only gives the learner the respect they deserve, but also helps the coach in evolving as an individual and a professional. The moment you ask for feedback, the ice breaks and you take another step in creating a safe space.

Here are some questions to ask your learner: What does it feel like to receive this feedback? What kind of support would be most helpful for you? What would make the feedback I am giving you even more powerful?

My fundamental belief in client-centered coaching. And by that I mean all parts of coaching should be tailored and based on feedback from the individual client. So while I may have go-to tools or questions to ask, coaching will never be one size fits all. In terms of feedback, I typically always ask at the end of any session after the client has determined their action items “how can I best support you?” One of the biggest benefits is having an accountability partner but I want to make sure I provide accountability in the way the client wants it and will best receive it.

Customizing feedback for coaching and mentoring is essential for effectiveness. Start by understanding the unique goals and needs of the individual being coached or mentored. Tailor your feedback to their specific circumstances, offering actionable advice and highlighting areas for improvement. Encourage open communication and active listening to gather insights into their preferences and challenges. Utilize a variety of feedback formats, such as one-on-one discussions, written feedback, or peer evaluations, depending on what resonates best with the individual. Regularly assess progress and adjust your feedback strategy accordingly, ensuring that it remains relevant and supportive throughout their development journey.

Probing questions are so important to coaching conversations. The more information you have, the better you can help the other person. We all learn differently and have different strengths and weaknesses. It’s critical to understand where the associate might need more training and then devise a plan together to get the associate the training and experience they need to be successful in reaching their goals.

Recognizing the diverse backgrounds and experiences of individuals is paramount, especially in the way we deliver feedback. Having cultural competency ensures that feedback is not only constructive but also considerate of varying perspectives and sensitivities. It's not just about what is said, but how it is communicated. There is no "one-size-fits-all" model. Embracing cultural diversity in feedback fosters a more inclusive understanding of how feedback is received. Coaching and mentoring require a level of empathy that supersedes our own experiences. Everyone's story matters even if it is different from your own. We Coaching and mentoring the "whole" person and not just parts of a person makes a huge impact.

It's also good to remember that coaching and mentoring have different goals and require different approaches. The coaching approach is indirect, the mentoring one can be more direct: - when you're coaching, the feedback you give is indirect, through questioning, re-framing, summarizing, checking in: 'I'm hearing [this], what I'm not hearing is [that] - would that be a useful route to explore? What difference would that make for you?' - for mentoring, feedback can be more direct and take the form of story-telling, example sharing, advice giving + checking in: 'Thank you for sharing with me, I can see how this may feel frustrating. In my experience so far, what I’ve seen working is… How might that be helpful if you applied it in your case?'

My favourite feedback framework is SBI: Situation, Behaviour, Impact. In 2-3 minutes, describe what you observed, and the impact of this. Remember, feedback is always subjective so ask them for their thoughts afterwards. And never personalise, e.g. Instead of 'You are unreliable', say: '...action...makes you appear unreliable'. Hope this helps!

Be yourself. I experience that being myself is appreciated the most by the people I give feedback. Yes I might be known for being direct and honest and I have the responsibility to be kind, constructive and tactical, but they receive the feedback from me, so it sounds like me. Customizing feedback is important, but there is value in being authentic when providing the feedback.

Feedback can feel like an attack, or it can feel like an exciting collaboration. If you can bring the vision and purpose behind the feedback to life, both people involved will start to look forward to feedback sessions instead of dreading them!