How can you handle gaslighting tactics in a negotiation?

1 Recognize the signs

It is important to be aware of the signs of gaslighting in order to handle it properly. Common tactics used by gaslighters include denying, lying, or contradicting something that you know is true; dismissing, minimizing, or invalidating your feelings, opinions, or experiences; blaming, shaming, or criticizing you for everything; changing the subject, diverting the attention, or avoiding accountability; using flattery, charm, or guilt to manipulate you; projecting their own flaws onto you; and withholding information, communication, or affection to punish you. If any of these behaviors are present in your negotiation partner, it is likely that you are dealing with a gaslighter.

2 Trust yourself

The second step to handle gaslighting is to trust yourself and your own judgment. Gaslighters want to make you feel uncertain and dependent on them, so they can control you and the outcome of the negotiation. To resist their influence, it's important to remind yourself of your values, goals, and strengths, and why you are negotiating in the first place. Additionally, validate your own feelings, opinions, and experiences, and do not let anyone else define them for you. Furthermore, keep a record of the facts, evidence, and agreements that support your position and your claims. Seek feedback from trusted sources such as friends, colleagues, mentors, or experts. Avoid internalizing the gaslighter's negative messages and challenge any self-doubt or self-criticism. By trusting yourself, you can maintain your self-esteem, confidence, and autonomy while avoiding falling into the gaslighter's trap.

4 Seek help

The fourth step to handle gaslighting is to seek help if you need it. Gaslighting can have serious psychological and emotional consequences, such as anxiety, depression, trauma, or isolation. If you feel that you are being gaslighted, or have been in the past, talking to a therapist, counselor, or coach may be beneficial in processing your feelings and rebuilding your confidence. Joining a support group, network, or community can provide an opportunity to share experiences and find solidarity. Additionally, self-care practices such as relaxation and wellness activities can help with recovery. Learning more about gaslighting can also be useful in understanding its causes, effects, and prevention. By seeking help, you can recover from the impact of gaslighting and empower yourself to address it in the future.

5 Negotiate with skill

The fifth step to handle gaslighting is to negotiate with skill and professionalism. Gaslighting can make you lose focus, motivation, and clarity in a negotiation, which can affect your performance and results. To overcome this challenge, it is important to prepare well by doing research, setting objectives, and planning your strategy. Additionally, you should communicate effectively by listening actively, asking questions, expressing your interests, and providing reasons. Furthermore, negotiating collaboratively by seeking mutual understanding and exploring options and alternatives is essential. Moreover, it is important to negotiate assertively by standing up for your rights, needs, and interests while remaining firm and confident. Lastly, negotiating ethically by being honest, respectful, and fair while avoiding any manipulation or deception can increase your chances of reaching a satisfactory and sustainable agreement while avoiding the gaslighter's tactics.

6 Learn and grow

The sixth and final step to handle gaslighting is to learn and grow from the experience. While it can be a painful and difficult experience, it can also be an opportunity to improve your interpersonal communication skills, especially in negotiation. To do this, reflect on the negotiation process, outcome, and feedback, and identify what went well and what could be improved. Learn from your mistakes, challenges, and successes, and apply the lessons to future negotiations. Celebrate your achievements, efforts, and resilience while acknowledging your growth and development. Seek new opportunities, challenges, and goals that can help you enhance your skills and confidence. Additionally, share your insights, tips, and advice with others who might face similar situations or need support. By learning from gaslighting in this way, you can turn a negative experience into a positive one, becoming a better negotiator and communicator.