How can you use de-escalation techniques in a remote setting?

1 Choose the right channel

The first step to de-escalate a situation is to choose the most appropriate channel of communication. Depending on the urgency, complexity, and sensitivity of the issue, you may opt for a phone call, a video conference, an email, or a chat message. Generally, the more direct and personal the channel, the better it is for de-escalation, as it allows you to convey your tone, emotions, and empathy more clearly. However, sometimes a written message can give you more time to think, edit, and avoid misunderstandings. Choose the channel that suits the context and the preferences of the other person.

2 Listen actively

The second step to de-escalate a situation is to listen actively to the other person's perspective, concerns, and feelings. Active listening means paying attention, asking open-ended questions, reflecting back what you hear, and summarizing the main points. It also means avoiding interruptions, distractions, judgments, and assumptions. By listening actively, you show respect, interest, and understanding, which can help calm the other person down and build rapport.

3 Validate and empathize

The third step to de-escalate a situation is to validate and empathize with the other person's emotions and needs. Validation means acknowledging and accepting the other person's feelings, even if you don't agree with them or share them. Empathy means putting yourself in the other person's shoes and trying to see things from their point of view. By validating and empathizing, you demonstrate compassion, care, and support, which can help reduce the other person's defensiveness and hostility.

4 Express yourself clearly

The fourth step to de-escalate a situation is to express yourself clearly and respectfully. This means using "I" statements instead of "you" statements, focusing on facts instead of opinions, and describing your feelings and needs instead of blaming or criticizing. It also means using positive and constructive language, avoiding sarcasm, insults, or threats, and being polite and courteous. By expressing yourself clearly, you avoid miscommunication, confusion, and escalation, and you invite cooperation and collaboration.

5 Collaborate on a solution

The fifth step to de-escalate a situation is to collaborate on a solution that meets both parties' needs and interests. This means brainstorming ideas, evaluating options, and negotiating outcomes. It also means being flexible, creative, and willing to compromise. By collaborating on a solution, you show that you value the other person's input, that you are committed to resolving the issue, and that you are seeking a win-win situation.

6 Follow up and follow through

The sixth and final step to de-escalate a situation is to follow up and follow through on the agreed solution. This means checking in with the other person, giving feedback, and providing support. It also means fulfilling your promises, meeting your deadlines, and honoring your commitments. By following up and following through, you show that you are reliable, trustworthy, and respectful, and that you care about maintaining a positive relationship.

7 Here’s what else to consider

This is a space to share examples, stories, or insights that don’t fit into any of the previous sections. What else would you like to add?