What do you do if you receive feedback as a leader that you strongly disagree with?

While its super hard to hear feedback that you don't agree with, it is important to be curious and open-minded. Assuming the feedback is from a trusted source, consider how that feedback can improve your leadership skills. Not all feedback comes from a great place or properly framed. You will need to discern if the intention is to get you to improve or just to criticize. Decision making is the key to leadership. You will have to decide if this feedback can make you better.

Ask for specific examples and clarification - not to prove the feedback giver wrong but to understand fully. This can reveal misunderstandings that once cleared up might change your perspective on the feedback. Reflect on whether the feedback is a one-off comment or if you've heard similar things from others. It could highlight a blind spot worth addressing. Decide whether to accept, adapt (find a middle ground that acknowledges the feedback but also fits your self-perception) or discard the feedback (do so respectfully, share your perspective calmly & factually). I take time to reflect on the feedback privately. Even if I disagree, there may be elements of truth that I can learn from.

When faced with feedback that goes against your beliefs as a leader, it can be quite difficult to keep an open mind and handle the situation in a composed and professional manner. However, it is crucial to approach the feedback with a sense of curiosity and a willingness to understand where the other person is coming from. By actively listening and asking questions to gain clarity, you not only show respect for the person giving the feedback but also demonstrate your commitment to continuous growth and improvement.

As with finding truth in every joke, there is something in "feedback" that must be listened to, despite any reservations about accuracy, facts, or emotions. Trying to keep the perspective that feedback is something that comes with context, at least don't close off your reception of it. Unless you are receptive, or really in listening mode and trying very hard not to interject, clarify immediately, stem any flow, you may miss some gems or seeds of improvement, direction, or signals from your team or from leadership etc. Personally, I missed signals that my role was in danger that led to restructuring a few times, so it's a cautionary tale! Observe clearly who is feeding back, and on what occasion if something strikes you as very odd.

In some situations, you don't have to engage with feedback. For example, if you received unsolicited aggressive, manipulative, or excessively critical criticism from someone that doesn't really matter to you, try the assertiveness technique called fogging to cut conversation short and move on without any agreements. This helps you cope with it in a calm and constructive manner. For example, "You are probably right in that point. I am aggressive in my pursuits" or "I agree. I was late to the meeting." Agreeing with the criticism is unexpected, acknowledges the issue, agrees to a part of it, and therefore disarms the aggressor, helping end that conversation quickly.

A role model handling negative feedback and turning it into an opportunity for growth is Indra Nooyi, the former CEO of PepsiCo. Throughout her tenure, Nooyi faced various challenges and criticisms but consistently demonstrated resilience and a willingness to listen and learn. She actively sought feedback from employees, shareholders, and other stakeholders, recognizing its importance in driving continuous improvement. Nooyi's ability to embrace feedback, even when it was difficult to hear, allowed her to make strategic decisions that propelled PepsiCo's growth and sustainability efforts. Her leadership serves as a testament to the power of humility and adaptability in navigating adversity and fostering organizational success.

Seek Clarity: Ask clarifying questions to gain a deeper understanding of the feedback. What specifically is the feedback suggesting you do differently? Consider the context in which the feedback was given. Is there additional information or perspective you might be missing? Invite an outside perspective. Reach out to a trusted colleague or mentor and ask for their honest assessment. Our blind spots can hinder our self-awareness. A fresh viewpoint can shed light on aspects we might not see.

"What's wrong with me" - that's human nature, to go to the extremes. Emotions really don't help that much when strong feedback is received, so just list out some of the items you're hearing, and try finding examples where it aligns. If there are signals that things have happened more than once, that's fascinating, as you may not have noticed that in the past. Personal feedback is always valuable here. Context, is the second piece of the puzzle, as in an organisation, there is often a lot of activity that you are not privy to, on multiple hierarchical levels. Try to understand the positioning of the feedback, to discover if it's really about you, or is it a wider piece of feedback about your team, your department, your peers, your bosses.

Don't wait too long to seek clarification on the feedback you received, otherwise the details will be forgotten. Here are some clarification questions you can ask: 👉🏼 'What are the implications of what I did?' 👉🏼 'Could you provide a specific example?' 👉🏼 'What do you mean by that?' 👉🏼 'What could I have done differently?' 👉🏼 'How could I have said that differently?' 👉🏼 'How did it make you feel?'

Recognize that feedback is about impact, not intent. Even if the feedback seems off-base, consider how your actions or communication affected others. Sometimes our intentions don’t align with the way our behavior is perceived. Thank the feedback-giver for sharing their thoughts. Expressing gratitude shows maturity and openness. Remember that feedback, even when uncomfortable, is an opportunity for growth.

Primeiro procure entender, sem julgamento e separando sua emoção, se o feedback realmente é válido e adequado. Coloque-se no lugar do seu líder e reflita se você teria a mesma percepção sobre o seu trabalho. Não tenha medo de pedir mais detalhes, inclusive peça sugestões de como você pode melhorar ou agir diferente em uma mesma oportunidade no futuro. Porém, um bom feedback, já deveria lhe trazer todas essas respostas. Mas sabemos que muitos líderes não tem essa capacidade muito bem desenvolvida.

Respectfully share your viewpoint. Explain why you disagree without being defensive. Use phrases like, “I appreciate your perspective, and here’s how I see it…” or “I understand your point, but let me offer my perspective.” Not all feedback warrants a full-blown debate. Consider the source, the impact, and the relevance. Prioritize which feedback to address directly and which to let go

Stay open to learning. Even if you ultimately disagree, there might be a nugget of truth or an area for improvement. Use feedback as an opportunity to refine your leadership style. As a leader, your decisions impact others. Sometimes feedback reflects the collective experience, not just your individual perspective. Balance your personal viewpoint with the broader organizational context.

To prevent never ever getting feedback again, it's smart not to respond aggressively or rudely, of course. Common sense dictates that you need to take that deep breath and go through all the steps to collect data, and it's okay to just say "thank you - I'll have a think and come back to you." In situations where there is any push for "feedback on the feedback", you can still allow yourself time to think; after all you are not in the stands in court, or under time pressure. Where appropriate though, I think the giver of feedback is looking for your reaction, most often to see if they should even continue to feedback further, as they might be afraid of your reaction in the first place. Always try to give them that space.

Ultimately, you have the right to decide how to act on feedback. Consider the consequences of ignoring it versus addressing it. Choose a path that aligns with your values and leadership goals. In conclusion, receiving feedback, especially when it contradicts your beliefs, requires emotional intelligence, humility, and a growth mindset. Use it as an opportunity to learn, adapt, and lead more effectively.

After you implement changes based on the feedback received, circle back to the feedback giver and communicate the changes you made because of their input. That will encourage them to provide more feedback in the future.

When in confusion, always ask for a suggestion. If you receive feedback that you disagree with, ask your mentor/coach to evaluate the truth in the answer. If your mentor is unavailable at that time, ask your friend or close associate for honest feedback. Whatever comes to you, accept it with dignity.

To learn several techniques to handle criticism, including helpful criticism, biased criticism, confusing criticism, unhelpful criticism, unsolicited criticism, aggressive and overly harsh criticism, manipulative criticism, and controlling criticism, study assertive communication.

One new concept to add is to solicit feedback from additional sources to gain a more comprehensive understanding of the situation. For instance, seek input from trusted colleagues, mentors, or team members who have observed your leadership style. By gathering multiple perspectives, you can triangulate the feedback received and identify common themes or patterns. This broader feedback approach allows you to make more informed decisions about how to respond to the initial feedback and can provide deeper insights into your leadership effectiveness.

Feedback that you don't agree with may also be a sign that you really missed the signals of what you are being tasked to do. Occasionally, it may simply be that an organisation is going through the motions to let you know that they are looking for a different leader, a different structure. Be mindful that feedback is very hard to handle under such conditions, as it starts to feel a bit harsher, more unfair, and more of a black and white disciplinary record - "yeah we've mentioned it to him/her/they"! Keep your eyes open, as in the changing world, where you think you've been doing a good job, or even better job than a predecessor, you need to make your leadership count by accepting the correct feedback as well, and acting on that.