What are the long-term effects of unresolved conflict in family dynamics?

Broken trust can be a symptom of failing to follow through with promises or not doing something that we say we will do. Unresolved conflict can be a cause of a break down in communication. Building trust requires honesty, and healthy boundaries. If someone is not willing to respect boundaries in a family it can make it difficult to resolve the conflict. If you find yourself in this situation consider listening to the other persons perspective and being open and honest about yours. You may not be able to resolve the conflict but you can remain open to trying again if the other person comes around. If a parent is trying to rebuild trust with a child it's important to admit mistakes and keep promises. It gets better each time.

"What are the long-term effects of unresolved conflict in family dynamics?" It's an important question, yet we have ample research delving into this issue. A more pressing question might be: "What are the causes of unresolved conflict, leading to a dysfunctional family dynamic?" How can we hope to find meaningful solutions if we focus solely on the symptoms rather than the root causes? How can we truly make a difference if we fail to allocate sufficient funding towards educating parents on how to manage the myriad factors that contribute to these breakdowns? How is trust eroded within families? How do they communicate effectively? Who provides guidance on fostering a trustworthy family environment? Where can families turn for support?

If a person has scars from unresolved conflict at home it can disrupt their professional relationships. Healing is possible with awareness and intentional work. Some companies offer an EAP program and access to a counsellor. Surrounding yourself with people who have self-esteem and a healthy work-life balance can be a step towards healing as well. Jim Rohn says that we are the average of the five people we spend the most time with and whether they are accessible via. a podcast, video, or work-life, they can help pull you in a healthy direction. When you start to heal and learn the skills to resolve conflict - your home and proffessional life will likely improve significantly.

For instance, if parents have unresolved conflicts, adults may understand that disagreements are a normal part of relationships and that they are not responsible for the actions of others. However, a child's interpretation is much more black-and-white. They might internalise messages such as, "It's my fault that Mom and Dad are always fighting." This misplaced sense of guilt or shame about family issues can lead to chronic emotional distress. To cope, children may develop strategies to avoid the emotional pain, such as withdrawing or becoming overly compliant. The good news is that, as adults, individuals can learn to hold and process their emotions and make conscious choices that promote healthier relationships and personal well-being.

Communication breakdowns at home can make it hard to communicate at work. My mother gave me the silent treatment and I still feel the glare thinking about it. It is possible to learn new ways of communication and practice expressing how you feel in a healthy way. If you look at the 5 stages of change by James O. Prochaska and Carlo C. DiClemente: 1. Precontemplation, 2. Contemplation, 3. Determination, 4. Action, 5. Maintenance (Better Health, 2024) you can be patient with yourself. First, you realize that you grew up with unhealthy communication methods and begin the first phase, then desire to change, and as you begin it will take time to use the new ways of communicating. Over time the new communications will become a habit.

In early brain development, children's interpretations tend to be more black-and-white, leading to similarly simplistic survival strategies. As they grow and their brains develop, they gain the ability to think more abstractly, and their interpretations become more nuanced. However, by this time, coping pathways have often been established, and the strategies that once served them in navigating family conflicts may no longer be effective. The compounded effects of relying on these outdated strategies to manage cognitive, emotional, and behavioural issues can result in significant challenges. These may include difficulties in educational attainment, career success, and overall life satisfaction.

The positive news about the generational impact of unresolved conflict is that when one person begins to learn new ways to communicate, every generation benefits. The same is possible in a workplace. If team members learn new and healthy communication methods, each generation of coworkers benefits. For example, if one person uses a strengths-based approach, healthy boundaries, and honest communication others will feel respected. This is why many companies bring in speakers and workshop facilitators to help improve team rapor and communication. With consistency and practice the generational relationship/co-worker relationship can improve. Mahatma Gandhi: “Be the change that you wish to see in the world.” (Goodreads)

Children's interpretation of family interactions significantly shapes their beliefs and attitudes about relationships and themselves. However, due to the ongoing development of their brains, these interpretations are often limited and simplistic. The lessons or survival strategies they learn from family dynamics influence how they interact with others well into adulthood, often causing difficulties in forming and maintaining healthy relationships. However, it is important to note that past experiences, while significant, do not have to define an individual as an adult. Through introspection and therapy, adults can unpack the lessons and survival strategies that no longer serve them.

These are all very real aspects of unresolved conflict, and here’s another aspect I’d like to share with you; The longer you carry around the deeps wounds of anger and resentment, the deeper they fester and lay to rest. Many clients I work with experience chronic and unresolved conflict in their family dynamic and the thinking is, if I stay angry, and ignore the conflict, it will just go away. It never goes away. We just get better at pivoting from it & ignoring it. Another key takeaway here is this: 📌The person who ends up holding all the anger & resentment about the conflict is the person who ends up hurting the most. I teach my clients how to process the conflict & approach its resolve from a powerful and empowered perspective.

Unresolved conflict deeply influences a child's development through the dual pathways of brain development and the personal meanings they assign to their experiences. Understanding this dynamic underscores the importance of addressing and resolving conflicts early and providing children with healthier coping mechanisms. As adults, individuals can learn to reframe their experiences, develop more adaptive strategies, and pursue personal growth and well-being.