Your client is showing resistance in coaching sessions. How can you effectively address their defensiveness?

Building trust is fundamental in addressing defensiveness. Start by creating a safe and non-judgmental environment where the client feels comfortable expressing their thoughts and emotions. Show genuine interest in their well-being and experiences. Be consistent, reliable, and transparent in your communication. Share some of your own experiences, where appropriate, to foster a sense of connection and relatability. Trust is built over time, and demonstrating empathy and understanding can significantly reduce a client’s defensiveness.

Reflective listening involves actively listening to the client and then reflecting back what you’ve heard. This technique helps the client feel heard and validated, reducing their need to be defensive. When a client shares their thoughts, summarize and paraphrase their statements to show that you understand their perspective. For example, say, "It sounds like you’re feeling frustrated because of the recent changes at work." This approach not only confirms that you are listening but also helps the client clarify their own thoughts and feelings.

Using effective questioning techniques can gently guide the client to explore their defensiveness without feeling attacked. Open-ended questions encourage deeper reflection and discussion. Ask questions like, "What do you think is causing you to feel this way?" or "Can you tell me more about that experience?" Avoid leading or judgmental questions that might make the client feel cornered. Instead, use questions to facilitate self-discovery and insight, helping the client uncover the root causes of their defensiveness.

Pacing and leading is a technique where you match the client's current state (pacing) and then gradually guide them towards a more open and receptive state (leading). Start by acknowledging and validating their current feelings and resistance. Align your tone and pace with theirs to build rapport. Once they feel understood, gradually introduce new perspectives or suggestions. For example, if a client is resistant to change, first validate their feelings about the difficulty of change, and then gently explore the potential benefits of embracing new opportunities.

Setting clear and respectful boundaries is crucial in managing defensiveness. Establishing boundaries helps create a structured and predictable environment, which can reduce anxiety and resistance. Clearly define the roles, expectations, and goals of the coaching sessions. If defensiveness manifests as disruptive behavior, address it calmly and assertively, reinforcing the importance of mutual respect. For example, you might say, "I notice that when we discuss this topic, it brings up strong feelings. Let’s agree to take breaks if needed and approach it step by step." This helps maintain a productive and respectful coaching dynamic.

Encouraging clients to take ownership of their thoughts, feelings, and actions can help them move past their defensiveness and open up to the coaching process. By empowering clients to take responsibility for their choices and behaviours, you can help them shift their mindset from one of resistance to one of openness and receptivity. Communicate with your clients about the coaching process and what is expected of them. Encourage them to take an active role in their own progress and growth. Encourage clients to reflect on their thoughts, beliefs, and motivations by asking thought-provoking questions. This can help them gain insight into their own behaviour and take ownership of their actions.