Here's how you can handle difficult conversations with your boss.

Mindset and emotion-management are key: How you show up to a conversation - any conversation - determines how it will go. Beforehand, it is helpful to ask yourself: 'what do I find challenging about this conversation?' Does the person you will speak to intimidate you? Have past conversations with this person been difficult? If so, breakdown why you find the person intimidating or where a past conversation went off track. Or are the challenges you perceive imagined? Check your facts. Challenge your assumptions. Disrupt your biases. Preparing the landscape ahead of any conversation is as important as the conversation itself. Conflict is created when we hold too tightly to our desired outcomes - establish your truth but stay open.

The Navy Seals use the box-breathing technique to stay calm and focused under intense pressure. If it works for them...! Sit comfortably. Plant your feet firmly on the floor. Hold your torso upright, spine straight, but not stiff or tense. Imagine a golden thread attached to the crown of your head, pulling you upwards so that your head rests balanced and clear on top of you neck. Focus your breathing into your lower abdomen. Breathe in for a count of 4, imagine your lungs are a jellyfish, pulsing outwards. Hold for a count of 4 (take care not to tense your jaw or throat.) Release/breathe out for a count of 4. Hold at the bottom for a count of 4. Repeat the cycle for 1-2 minutes and you will feel calm, clear and centred.

First rule is: Avoid Defensiveness and being Emotional! Stay calm and professional. Avoid getting defensive or emotional during the conversation.

For clarity, imagine your words are like seeds that you are planting in the mind of your listener. Speaking 'for' someone, rather than 'to/at' them, makes all the difference. No matter the content of what you say, imagine planting your words or handing them to your listener like gifts. This is called physicalisation, and actors use this technique to convey honesty, truth and energy when they speak on stage. It controls your tone and balance, helps to maintain an open throat, so you don't sound forced, strained or stressed. It's a small mindset tweak, but it will ensure you sound warm, genuine and balanced, and this will help you convey your thoughts and feelings with an integrity that will influence your listener.

Active Listening isn't something you 'show' it's something you DO. People connect with one another based on their motivations and shared values. To connect is to positively influence, so actively find common ground. People act out their values, so try and tune into the values and beliefs behind what the other person is saying, no matter how oppositional their view. It will likely come down to an issue of not having a choice or feeling trapped. Doing this creates greater openness and confidence, and you will be more able to deal rationally with the views and beliefs connected to the ideas you find challenging. Present alternatives that speak to the values you identify. Always have a solution or two to recommend.

Can you come up with a list of options, actions for change, that you can offer the person so that they can move it forward themselves, rather than feeling directed? Even a choice of two will initiate a change, because when people feel they have agency, they are far likely to take action. Knowing that we have choice is empowering, it gives us agency, and giving it, flips the lens on challenging dynamics by sending the signal: I hear you, I understand you, I am with you. People tend to forget what they hear, what they don’t forget is how you make them feel, so remember to avoid meeting emotion with emotion. Show up for the other person - this mindset pivot will make people feel in control because they have choice.