How can you develop emotional intelligence in your mentee?

Creating awareness is always the first step to facilitating change. Until we become aware of something we cannot consciously change it. Along with assessing current levels of EI it is important that there is a desire for your mentee to want to improve. Discussing the benefits of higher levels of EI is important as it should be your mentee who sets the goal and not you.

We must ensure not to be influenced by any preconceived notions at the time of assessment and also not typecast post the assessment. We must ensure the objectivity and respect the subjectivity of each individual.

More than formal assessments, I find that encouraging mentees to be more present and self-aware helps develop their emotional intelligence. Start by having them talk through a recent emotionally charged situation. Ask them what they felt in the moment, how they think other people involved felt, how well they think they've handled the situation, and whether they would do anything differently if they could go back in time. Your mentee's responses will reveal how aware they were of their and other people's emotions when the situation occurred. They will also reveal your mentee's ability to reflect on their emotions and behaviour.

Let's start with the definition of EQ: the ability to recognise and regulate both your own & other people's emotions. 4 components: Self-awareness, self-management, social awareness and social skill. The first thing I recommend to my clients? Start a daily meditation habit. Cultivating Mindfulness is the secret weapon for self-awareness of your own emotions, which is always the starting point! Next, we focus on active listening skill development, and people with a high EQ first seek to understand others, rather than to be understood themselves.

Emotional intelligence is a learning adventure and it's an ongoing journey of excelling our strategic thinking & behavior. For a mentee or client it's important to self-reflect first - let's wear the mindfulness hat and try to understand what it is and isn't: 1. It's not about being nice. 2. A strategic moment may demand for not being so nice but saying not so nice things with assertiveness rather than running away from this uncomfortable situation. 3. It isn't about flowing away with the emotion. 4. It is about being aware of your emotions and managing it appropriately leading towards the purpose. 5. It is not gender specific and just dependent on individual's own strengths and weakness, also the openness and intent to unlearn and learn.

Demonstrating EI creates a much closer connection between people as they can feel higher levels of empathy, understanding, and communication. They may not realize that you are demonstrating emotional intelligence, so using yourself as an example is a great way to demonstrate the power and benefits of increasing EI levels.

As an EI coach we are the first moment of truth for the mentee or anybody who interacts with us or our content. Hence I advocate in becoming the embodiment of emotional intelligence. Let's map EI in a grid of four boxes: 1. Self-awareness of your emotions and its impact 2. Awareness of others feelings, needs, and concerns 3. Self-management 4. Managing others Daniel Goleman has referred to the emotional competence framework encompassing personal competence and social competence. When we are mindful our walk will do the talk. Hence as a EI coach we must embody these competences and let it all shine & reciprocate through our mindful awareness, expression, relationships and actions with pause, flexibility, empathy and assertiveness.

A coaching conversation is a perfect example of EI in action. As we talk with our client or mentee, we can periodically pause and deconstruct for them the coaching tools that we are using. Explain how we just actively listened, built rapport, or mirrored the mentee's responses back. This way, the client or mentee will both experience what it feels like to have a conversation in which EI is at play. At the same time, they will receive theoretical knowledge and examples of EI strategies.

My suggestion to leaders teaching mentees is not just to model, but to ask the mentee to actually dissect what they observed. For example, give the mentee a chance to observe your EI in action, and then get them to identify what and HOW they are going to implement. Observation without any intentional application may not lead to any growth. Give the mentee and chance to observe, process, strategise, ask for suggestions from mentor, then application, and if possible, receive feedback from mentor to sharpen them from good to great. So, absolutely model it, but be intentional with how the mentee will apply their observations.

A good way for your mentee to practice EI is to give them only one skill to implement at a time. This could be active listening, or it might be shifting perspective, it could be any skill. By focusing only only one skill at a time it will be much easier to remember and build the habit. Once one aspect of EI has been incorporated into the mentee's mindset, it's then possible to move on to another area of skill.

After 16 years in the corporate world, including international business travel with my breast-feeding baby, I learned that EI is not a one-time event. It's an ongoing process of living EI moment by moment with mindfulness. As a Life & EI coach and mindfulness teacher, I enable aspirants to live EI fully, be playful with it, and track their performance like business results. This tracker helps me coach clients better, learning from both pleasant and unpleasant experiences. For example, I use the tracker to identify patterns in my clients' emotions during a stressful meeting and how, why, and what the client reacts to it, or may not react to it. This helps me develop personalized coaching plans that help them achieve their goals.

A practice I like to teach my clients and mentees is that of getting out of their heads and into their bodies whenever they are in a conversation with someone. I learned this technique from one of my earlier mentors, Rachael Jayne Groover. Whenever you have someone in front of you (in real life or via videoconference), ask yourself: "Am I home?" Then focus your attention on your belly, around 4 fingers below your belly button (what yogis call their second chakra). Make sure that you are breathing deep into your abdomen and carry on the conversation you are having while keeping some of your attention inside your body. You will notice yourself slowing down and becoming more aware of both yours and other people's emotions.

Reflecting back on incidents and events from our lives can provide fantastic opportunities of learning and appreciating Emotional Intelligence. Asking the mentee to recall an incident/event and assess their behavior and actions at that time. Also, how they could have done it differently, how other people might have felt, how they would feel being at receiving end, how have they matured over time and how would they do it today... these reflective questions can take them into an explorative journey

As a coach, your role is to help and support your mentees. Encouraging them to celebrate all their wins, no matter how small is a great way to reinforce a new habit. focusing on the positives, and helping them to understand that everything is feedback and a learning experience, is a powerful way to help them reframe and perceive negative experiences and turn them around.

Growth. It's a very attractive word but can come with tremendous pressure to perform and be wary of failures. Emotional Intelligence reminds us to be aware of all our emotions, whether pleasant or unpleasant. And this is where Mindfulness fits in beautifully, because it reminds us to be non-striving and enjoy the process of living fully, moment to moment, focusing on the purpose without being attached to the end outcome. After all, all we have is this moment.

A Ross School of Business at the University of Michigan study conducted by Kim Cameron proved that positive practices in organisations led to increased productivity and other strong performance indicators when compared to negative practices. When it comes to any desired conduct, there's strong evidence revealing that we should "catch people doing the right thing" and then celebrate it. With something as perhaps touchy or delicate as EI, I would always ask my mentee, "tell me what was going on inside you when you did/said that?". Dial up the mentee's deep reflection on their EI development, and then get them to see the outcome of their efforts. In order for the growth to stick, get them to fully appreciate the impact of their actions.

One of the things I do with my clients/mentee is to take moments where they demonstrate EI and those when they are seduced by their reactions, and ask about their experience in those moments. What was going on for them, what were their thoughts, assumptions, judgements, actions. What did they learn? What (if anything) will they do different next time? Acknowledge both events as learning experiences and progress in the journey.

Supporting someone’s emotional journey, especially in the challenging environment of high school, requires dedication and understanding. As their coach, it’s crucial to be a pillar of support, listening actively without casting judgment. Rather than focusing solely on areas that need improvement, celebrate their achievements and reinforce their strengths. Share strategies, insights, and even lighthearted moments to help them navigate the complex maze of emotions and relationships. Remember, it’s a team effort. Together, with trust and open communication, you’ll pave the way for emotional resilience and growth. Stay in the game and keep pushing forward.

Imagine watching the butterfly's journey of metamorphosis. The whole process is like mindfulness, where a worm transforms into a beautiful flying creature by embracing the slow-down, living moment by moment focused on the purpose, all with love and kindness. Similarly, emotional intelligence calls for this inward shift by investing in our personal and social competences, having emotional awareness, self-awareness, and being open to letting go, trusting, accepting, and non-judging self and others for failures or slow progress. Rather choose to be non-striving, living moment by moment focused on the purpose, all with love and kindness. Life is made of a series of moments, and we embrace it fully in the only moment we have, which is now.

Lifelong learning is crucial for developing and honing emotional intelligence. Just as the world around us constantly evolves, so do our emotional landscapes and understanding of ourselves and others. Emotional intelligence isn’t a fixed trait; it’s a skill that can be nurtured and enhanced with time and practice. Stay Curious: Approach every interaction as an opportunity to learn. By staying curious about others’ experiences and feelings, you enhance your empathy and understanding. Seek Feedback: Regularly ask for feedback from trusted peers, mentors, or coaches about your emotional responses and behaviors. Their insights can reveal areas for growth.

When I face a difficult emotion at work, I am able to create a pause and in that moment I use EI and mindfulness to help me through it. I first take some time to be aware and identify my emotions and how they were affecting my thoughts and behaviors. Once I have a better understanding of my own emotions, I am able to develop strategies for managing them more effectively and take a call how should I act (surely not react or act in haste). I leverage mindfulness in stressful situations to stay present in the moment and to focus on the purpose with self-regard and non-judgment. As a result, I am able to overcome the challenges and be a better human at work and in all aspects of life.