How can you use active listening to address power imbalances in a conversation?

I appreciate the insights of others about subtle power dynamics. One that comes to mind for me is in regard to cross-neurotype interactions. Often, allistic speech patterns, which tend to be more vague, can unintentionally create barriers for Autistic people. Similarly, behaviors like interrupting or speaking loudly which are referenced here may be related to neurology such as ADHD, and may not be deliberate attempts to dominate (in fact when we interact with one another it can be quite comfortable to "story swap" in this way). I think one part of being mindfully aware is being aware of the assumptions we make about other's behaviors and to consider how neurology influences our communication and how it's experienced/perceived by others.

One thing I used to struggle with was focusing during a conversation. My mind would continuously drift off, which I now know is perfectly normal and expected. My main priority now, when in a conversation, is to practice active listening and use my skills to notice when distractions arise, and then choose to return my full focus back to the conversation. Sitting there and really immersing myself in whatever the other person is saying allows us to establish if there is an imbalance, if that is even the question we need to ask and if we do notice an imbalance, is it our interpretation of the situation, or something we genuinely need to be aware of.

In my experience, signs of power imbalance aren't solely characterized by one person dominating the conversation, being loud, using an assertive tone, or frequently interrupting others. They also stem from cultural privilege and the explicit and implicit ways our intersectional identities influence the dynamics of the relationships and environments in which we engage. I recommend reflection on how you offer validation and opportunity for others to voice their opinions, especially if they are not often heard or prioritized in the spaces you frequent.

There are certain toxic personalities (e.g., high-conflict, narcissistic) that can lead to power imbalance in conversation. An important part of identifying whether you are in that kind of situation is noticing how you are feeling during the conversation, including your body. Often the physical body will know before the mind is "aware" that you are stressed or uncomfortable. Is your jaw tense and you find yourself unable to speak up or even find the right words? Is your heart racing or you are feeling short of breath or tightness in your chest? Are you nauseated, leaning away, or wanting to leave and escape the conversation? Do you feel trapped and stressed? These are very important signs to help recognize there may be power imbalance.

Listening attentively and engaging in conversation can be a way to address disparities, in power during discussions. When we truly focus on the speaker rephrase their thoughts and seek clarifications it demonstrates interest and respect. This approach is particularly beneficial, in situations where power dynamics may be unequal as it creates a level playing field and gives the speaker an opportunity to express themselves fully. By adopting this approach we build trust encourage dialogue and foster a more inclusive and balanced exchange of ideas.

The biggest gift is being fully present with someone (not my quote, but a good one). When we do this, we're not just hearing them, we're listening with our whole self. This means putting our own stuff aside for a moment – our judgments, our need to respond, even our own thoughts – This is the perfect place to enable empathy.

Sentences like "what I'm hearing based on what you are saying is that...." lets the other person know that you hear what they are saying. (This does not mean that you have to agree with what they are saying.) Repeating back what you hear them saying has multiple purposes, including: 1) validates that you are trying to understand where they are coming from (even if you do not agree); 2) helps reduce misunderstanding so you can be starting on the same page; 3) gives you time to slow down and process especially if you are finding yourself more stressed, anxious, or frustrated; and 4) allows you to consider what you want to contribute or respond to.

For me, empathizing means remaining open, curious and humble. To that end, using open ended questions or asking directly about feelings is a way to begin to understand and connect with a person.

Taking the time to validate the feelings of others is time well spent for those in leadership roles. As well, checking in with the other person to ensure you hear them correctly shows them your attempt at understanding their position is genuine and they are not being patronized. Reducing tension in this way, opens doors for opportunities for growth, not only for individuals, but for the entire team as well as the company at large. Once people feel shut down, things become stagnant and the gears of operations become rigid and stuck. See empathy as the oil that greases the wheels of progress so all systems and operations run tick tock super smooth!

When engaged in a conversation, listen deeply and paraphrase what the other person has said. For instance, if someone shares an experience, try responding with, "If I understand correctly, you felt frustrated because of the miscommunication at work. Is that right?" This not only demonstrates your attentiveness but also allows the other person to clarify any misconceptions. If your paraphrasing isn't quite right, the other person will probably say something like “no I wasn't frustrated, I was disappointed!” And then you take another pass. Something like “oh, so the miscommunication was disappointing to you?” So even if you don't get it right the first time, it helps you get there faster.

Clarification is the process of ensuring that the intended message is accurately received. It involves seeking additional information or providing more details to avoid misunderstandings. In mindful communication, clarification serves as a bridge between thoughts and words, fostering a deeper connection between individuals.

Im Arbeitsalltag wird Machtinbalance leider immer wieder spürbar. Was helfen kann, um eine solche Situation zu erkennen, ist gezielt bei sich zu bleiben und wahrzunehmen, wie der Körper reagiert. Durch regelmäßige Achtsamkeitspraxis fällt es leichter die Signale zu erkennen (z.B. schneller Herzschlag, Gefühl der Enge in der Brust, Schweiß - jede*r reagiert anders). Was du in solchen Situationen unbemerkt tun kannst: Ganz bewusst die Füße auf dem Boden spüren & den Kontakt zum Untergrund wahrnehmen. Verbunden mit ein paar ruhigen und tiefen Atemzügen hilft dir das Wahrnehmen der Kontaktpunkte dabei, dich zu erden. Dann kann das unangemessene Verhalten und dessen Auswirkung auf dein Wohlbefinden gezielt thematisiert werden.

Non-verbal cues significantly contribute to the formation and sustenance of relationships. Positive body language, active listening, and empathetic facial expressions foster understanding and build trust, creating a strong foundation for interpersonal connections. In a romantic relationship, a partner who consistently demonstrates affection through non-verbal gestures like holding hands or making eye contact creates an environment of intimacy and understanding.

Nearly a century ago, Mary Parker Follett presented a parable involving two sisters fighting over an orange. After deciding to take a zero-sum, distributive approach and cutting the orange in half, they realized neither of them would be able to complete their recipe with only half an orange. Had they communicated their needs more clearly, they would have realized that one sister only needed the skin, and the other sister only needed the juice. When collaborating on a solution, be sure you understand the 'why' behind the 'ask.' This can make all the difference in achieving an integrative negotiation, as opposed to a distributive one. (You do not have to 'lose' what the other person 'gains'). Be mindful of your perspective!

I grew up being overly concerned about what others thought of me, and I would try to pay a lot of attention during conversations. This made me quite skilled at noticing when others are not fully present or paying attention while talking with me. A great strategy when you notice someone is not fully paying attention is to gently let them know they seem distracted and invite them to share more. This approach often leads to a more engaged and present conversation.

In our interconnected world, adaptability is crucial. Professionals engaging in global interactions must be adept at adjusting their non-verbal communication to align with diverse cultural norms, facilitating effective cross-cultural collaboration. A multinational project team collaborates effectively by recognizing and appreciating each member's unique non-verbal communication style, creating a harmonious and productive work environment.