How can you use restorative practices to promote positive relationships?

Inside You There Are Two Wolves is the name of a proverb which has been used in schools Nationwide. In the original proverb, a grandfather says there are two wolves fighting inside him, an evil one and a good one. His grandson asks, "who will win?" The grandfather replies, "The one you feed." In parodies, the story is often simplified to "There are two wolves inside you. One is X. The other is X. You are X."

We must use caution when restorative justice is being misapplied to cover up abuse and re-victimize targets. I witnessed a misuse of restorative justice at a university prep school where I was working. Multiple students reported emotional and physical abuse at the hands of four teachers. It was then exposed that school administrators had been informed at least a year previously about the abuse and they had failed to protect students or inform parents. Despite detailed testimonies from students followed by interviews, administrators covered up the abuse. Breaching confidentiality, they publicly insinuated the students lied and sought restorative justice. Their manipulative attempt to apply restorative justice was rejected by parents.

While there are many benefits to restorative justice, it is critically important in child abuse situations that restorative justice has no place. Children should never be expected to support and care for adults who have abused them. Children targeted for all forms of abuse by adults - physical, emotional, sexual, physical neglect, emotional neglect - already suffer from profound psychological confusion that is only intensified by being asked to participate in "helping" the abusive adult. Most abusers are in positions of trust over their victims, thus victims often suffer from a loyalty-bind. They may believe their abuse is deserved or their fault. Their inexperience puts them at a significant disadvantage to the manipulations of adults.

I was shocked to see authorities striving to use restorative justice with a student who reported being "sexually harassed" by an educator. Police encouraged the child victim to participate in restorative justice so the grooming educator might avoid charges. This is an example of how restorative justice should never be used. It's the opposite of how it first came into practice. It began with Katie Hutchinson's husband's death at the hands of inebriated teens and twenty-somethings. Horrible as this murder was, it was the opposite of the methodical, manipulative acts of child-luring done by an adult in a position of trust and authority over a child in their care. No child victim should be enlisted to restore justice to their perpetrator.