How do you inspire clients to change their habits?

When I have clients identify cost and benefits, it is around the story they are telling themselves rather than their behaviors. Once we uncover the story, then we can reframe to something that has much more benefit without the high costs. Once they commit to the reframe, the behaviors flow from there.

We all know that starting a new habit doesn’t work if it’s something we “should do” right? When a client wants to change their habits we start with a thoughtful conversation to unveil core motivations. Exploring why they want to change we unearth the root of the desire and how it fulfills their needs rather than depriving them of something. Together we create a plan to align their goals, personal values, and desired outcomes. Breaking it down into small, manageable steps makes it feel doable. Each step forward is progress to celebrate, and that celebration inspires progress. You already have the inner wisdom - I'm just here to help draw it out so you can transform your life on your own terms.

I believe our lives are made up of habitual ways of thinking and behaving and the first key to change is becoming conscious of our habitual ways of being. I don't think labelling habits as 'good' or 'bad' is useful because that way of thinking doesn't make us feel good. Every habit gives us an outcome. If we like the outcome and the feeling it brings us then great, if the habit produces a result that we don't like then we could consider replacing it with a new habit that serves us better.

First, you have to BE the example that they wish to see in their lives. No one want to take advice from someone who does not exemplify what they are looking to achieve. Once you have checked all the boxes in your own life for that which you hope to inspire, then you are able to guide others. Experience matters. Next, daily disciplines are paramount. Figuring out which morning rituals suit them best and lift them up is essential. Once these are in place, any additional steps become easier, as long as you take it one step at a time

I find that SMART goals are valuable only if the client has a deep sense of the challenge they want to solve for. Which is rare. In those instances it’s better to listen to their challenges, help them untangle the interrelated issues, and then shape a potential path forward that they can digest. Then it becomes about co-authoring a vision for the future that gets them excited about defining and prioritizing SMART goals.

I find it important to remind clients that they are worthy of their own kindness and compassion. Creating a schedule of regular check ins helps them to stay on track but it also helps to have a sounding board when a temptation or trigger arises. I also firmly believe in the power of writing things down, even if it is just a bullet point list of intentions, wishes and goals. Writing lists of what their inner dialogue is saying especially if it is critical or undermining their sense of worthiness is a critical component of releasing and letting go of self-sabotage.

A breathing technique that I love to teach my clients is something I call the "off switch for the amygdala"... The amygdala is the part of the brain that triggers our fight or flight (freeze or freak-out) response. When we are in this kind of state, the tendency is to shallow breathe and thus create more feelings of anxiety. So the breathing technique is to breath deeply and fully in through the nose and then do a long, slow exhale through the mouth with a sighing sound. I encourage 3-5 rounds of this breathing technique to help cope and restore some inner calm.