How do you tell your coach or mentor what you need?

You really don't need to worry about this step at all. What you think you need will inevitably change during the relationship with your coach or mentor. The reason people need coaches is frequently because they are not clear on the differences between what they want and what they need. It is the coaches job to clarify this and lead you towards a larger perspective of what is really going - where the wants and needs merge.

Before we start meeting with the coach for the first time, I need to be clear what my short term and long term goals are, then need to identify the gaps to achieve the goals. Next what do I need to do to close the gaps and achieve my goals. A coach or mentor will help identify those in a faster way.

Indicate your openness to share your thoughts, knowledge, and concerns. Turn vulnerabilities into opportunities to gain strength. Have a clear understanding of what you need from an advisor or coach, and be prepared to be pleasantly surprised if you find a great one!

I believe in candor, vulnerability, and transparency... both ways. This can be simple. Start with re-ordering the approach: Start with what you WANT to achieve. Then go into what you NEED. Then delve into the CHALLENGES you face. When we start with the challenges, it's easy to lose track of the end goal(s). When we start with the goal, then the needs, often the challenges are much smaller than our emotions made them out to be. ~bill

Dig deep. This is where the rubber meets the road. if one gets this step wrong all the other steps are useless as they won't get you where you want to go. Diagostic assessment at this step would set the stage to launch your other steps effectively. Spend more time here to get it right.

One of the best ways to leverage this Gift called feedback is to share with your coach or mentor the best way to provide it so you will respond. For some people Direct and to the point is preferred. For others they want a less direct more nurturing, inquiry. Some want a challenge others want an invitation. If you can identify how you best respond your coach or mentor can help you with the gift of feedback easier.

Feedback is essential to gaining the self-awareness to align your intent with your impact. To help clients open up to receiving feedback, I find it’s helpful to remind them that it’s just data — it’s not their identity.

Most people carry their emotional defaults into all aspects of their life. Triggers, trauma, fears, parental wounds all affect a persons willingness and ability to express authentic needs and the self worth to lower the ego to a place where they don’t feel judged. Work with them toward authentic communications with a pre-meeting format that begins each session. For example give them three sentences to finish: 1) since our last meeting I was able to experiment with these actions ___, ____, ____. 2) I feel ______ because _______ 3) I wish ___________. So simple so effective.

Just like one should not lie to your doctor or lawyer, one should be candid and transparent to your mentor so they can be more effective in providing you insight / feedback / guidance.

Sometimes a mentee knows the answer in theory, but they cannot breakdown the “How”. Being a thought partner and allowing them to work through their options enhances their problem solving skills and confidence.

Certified coaches are trained to “lead from behind” - that our clients have all the resources they need to solve their own challenges. Our role is to listen, ask good questions and offer tools that will help them overcome what stands in their way. If as a coach I’m finding I’m doing too much it’s a red flag for me to step back.

Teach constructive self-advocacy. I cannot express this enough! The world isn’t fair and everything is negotiable when presented in a way that resonates.

During our career coaching programs one of my “mantra” Is Explore and then Evaluate. One way is to create different resumes (always factual and never embellished) and to A/B test against job postings and applications.

Coaching and mentoring are game-changers for career growth, especially in new industries. From my own experience, having a mentor transformed my trajectory. Honest communication helped me share goals and challenges, while tailored guidance and constructive feedback bridged skill gaps and boosted confidence. Mentors find fulfillment in guiding mentees, who, in turn, flourish with their support. This symbiotic relationship fosters continuous learning and creates a sense of community within the industry. Embrace mentorship, for it accelerates success and enriches lives, making it a vital investment in both personal and professional growth.

Keep an open mind. Opportunities may arise that are not part of your original plans. If these are worth pursuing, do not walk away because they are not part of the initial plan. Flexibility is key.

Be open to facing some difficult truths — the underlying fears that drive reactive behaviors that are no longer serving you.

The article appears to treat mentoring and coaching as being somewhat similar, indeed treats them as synonymous. For me they are totally different and should be the subject of separate discussions. Further, the coaching from behind concept seems at odds, to me at least, with the key elements of coaching; demonstration, observation and feedback. I show you, I watch you, I tell you. I wonder how many current leaders were coached or mentored and to what degree they felt it improved their performance?

I can honestly say that mentors, more than my impressive education pedigree, changed my life for the better. They modeled effective actionable behaviors I would eventually mimic. In most situations still to this day I check in with myself and as, “what would ____ do?”