Your client is struggling to set realistic goals. How can you guide them without pushing your own agenda?

As a coach my only agenda is to be useful for my client, so that he/she can meaningfully advance on the personal development path. To do this I create a safe space where the coachee feels supported and expresses feelings, needs, values, ideas. From all these elements I can support the coachee to construct their own aligned goals, that are further checked against the context. This "checking" is done against a perspective of abundant possibilities, involves uncovering resources, mitigating interferences and self limiting beliefs. We then proceed together to break long term goals into milestones, action plans, timelines and first steps, which we further on track in our next sessions.

Begin by understanding what truly matters to your client. Explore their core values and long-term vision. This sets a foundation that ensures the goals align with who they are. Personal Experience: In one coaching session, I helped a client identify their core values, which shifted the focus from what they thought they "should" achieve to what genuinely motivated them. This made goal-setting more meaningful and realistic.

Start by creating a place of active listening and understanding to help your client to create reasonable goals free from pressing your own agenda. Ask open-ended inquiries like, "What feels most important to you right now?" to find their actual goals and drives. Motivational self-reflection will assist them to see their areas of strength and weakness. Provide tools and encouraging structures to help them, but let room for their own insights and corrections. Celebrate little victories and help them to consider their development, therefore promoting confidence and self-awareness. You enable your customer to own their path so that they may develop real, reasonable objectives that speak to their vision.

When I first met my client, they seemed lost, unable to set goals that truly resonated. I could’ve easily suggested a path, but instead, I chose to listen. We delved into their core values, peeling back the layers of what mattered most to them. It wasn’t about success in the conventional sense; they valued creativity, connection, and freedom. Once we uncovered these truths, goal-setting became a natural extension of their beliefs, not a forced exercise. The goals weren’t mine, they were theirs—rooted deeply in who they are. And that’s when progress truly began.

Help your client take a clear-eyed look at their current situation—resources, time, and potential obstacles. Realistic goals come from an honest assessment of what’s possible. Personal Experience: I once guided a client through a reality check by mapping out their daily commitments. This helped them set achievable goals that fit into their existing schedule without causing overwhelm.

As a coach, I don't think it's our job to say what is realistic or not. However, it is our role to ask the questions and help the client see when their goals may or may not be realistic in their own lives. For example, a coach may ask questions like, "In our time working together, you talked about your pattern of overbooking yourself and then not meeting any of your goals. What makes this different?" It's asking supportive and thoughtful questions that help them be honest about what they can really accomplish or not. Having a relationship built on trust, reinforces you are operating for their highest good and not trying to thwart their efforts or discourage them.

I always guide my clients in setting realistic goals, by first assessing their current situation and resources. For example, if my client wants to improve their well-being but struggles with time management, I introduce mindfulness practices that fit into their daily routine, like mindful breathing during breaks. I often ensure to evaluate how this intervention aligns with their reality—time constraints, stress levels, and lifestyle. By focusing on practical, small-scale interventions, I ensure the approach is both effective and sustainable, allowing my clients to achieve their goals without overwhelming them. This tailored method respects their unique circumstances while promoting positive change.

When my client came to me, they were full of big dreams but lacked direction. They wanted to achieve so much, but every goal seemed out of reach. Instead of diving into planning, I asked them to pause and assess their reality. We looked at where they were—strengths, limitations, resources, and challenges. It wasn’t easy; confronting the gap between dreams and reality never is. But in that clarity, they saw where to start. By understanding their true starting point, they set goals that were ambitious yet achievable. I learned that guiding someone isn’t about setting goals for them; it’s about helping them see where they stand.

As Daniel Kahneman and Amos Tversky would assert with the "planning fallacy"—things usually take much longer and/or will take more resources than one thinks. You inviting your client to gut-check their assumptions and consider potential obstacles has nothing to do with you asserting "your agenda" as coach. You're being of service to them—and thus you're helping them advance *their* agenda.

Work together to define what success looks like for them. Ensure it’s personalized and achievable, rather than following a generic or externally imposed standard. Personal Experience: By defining success in small, attainable steps, a client I worked with felt more confident and less pressured. This approach allowed them to celebrate incremental progress, maintaining motivation.

Success used to be clear-cut for me: promotions, pay raises, accolades. So, when my client struggled with goal-setting, I instinctively leaned on those metrics. But something felt off. So, I asked, "What does success look like for you?" Silence followed, then a slow, thoughtful reply: "To be happy, to have balance, to feel fulfilled." It hit me—I was projecting my own ambitions onto them. From that moment, I shifted. I stopped steering and started listening. Their goals became our guide, and together, we charted a path toward their unique version of success.

Having my client define what success is for them is critical. I often have them do a visioning exercise to help them to become clear about what success will look and feel like as they are striving for it and once they attain it. I check myself to make sure that I am not inadvertently applying my values on their ideas of success. Whatever their definition and understanding of success is, I acknowledge and validate it. From there, we can do additional exercises to identify barriers to their success and create an action plan to overcome these obstacles.

To help my clients set realistic goals, I usually start by collaboratively defining what success looks like for them. For instance, if their goal is to achieve work-life balance, success might mean leaving work at a consistent time or spending more quality time with family. I break this down into smaller, customized milestones, like reducing overtime by one hour each week. By tailoring these milestones to their specific needs and context, I ensure that each step is achievable, building momentum and confidence as they progress toward their larger goal. This personalized approach makes the goal-setting process more manageable and meaningful to them.

This is probably one of my favourite questions : what does the success looks like? Once this is clear for the client, I go backward step by step : this helps to « eat the elephant » piece by piece.

Break down the larger goal into smaller, actionable milestones. This makes the journey manageable and provides a clear roadmap to follow. Personal Experience: In a coaching program, we established weekly milestones for a client’s business goals. This approach provided clarity and momentum, making the overall goal seem less daunting.

If a client struggles to set realistic goals, we start by defining specific, time-bound objectives (e.g., a promotion to a specific salary by the end of Q4). We then collaborate to identify the steps needed, typically in 2-4 week increments, which may include productivity targets, professional development, or evaluation metrics. Next, we assess the daily time commitment required and establish review dates. By this point, it's obvious whether the goals are reasonable—either too lofty or not ambitious enough. It's crucial for the client to map this out themselves, as it helps them understand the work required to achieve their goals.

Once potential goals are identified, carefully explore their feasibility with the client. Discuss any potential obstacles, resources needed, and the client's capabilities. Example questions: "On a scale of 1 to 10, how confident do you feel in your ability to achieve this goal?" "What potential roadblocks do you foresee in pursuing this goal?" "What support or resources would you need to make meaningful progress?"

Dividir grandes objetivos em metas menores e mais alcançáveis é uma excelente estratégia. Comece identificando o objetivo principal e, em seguida, desmembre-o em etapas específicas e mensuráveis para garantir que cada meta menor seja clara e viável. Crie um cronograma detalhado, estabelecendo prazos realistas para cada etapa, o que facilita o acompanhamento do progresso e mantém a motivação. Ao dividir o objetivo em partes menores, o cliente pode focar em conquistas incrementais, construindo confiança e mantendo o impulso necessário para alcançar o objetivo maior. Essa abordagem permite que o cliente sinta um senso de realização contínuo, promovendo um caminho de crescimento sustentável e alinhado com suas capacidades e recursos atuais.

To create milestones you can place your coachee at one end of the room, and metaphorically place success at the other end. And by walking, make a plan from the beginning: "What was the first step you took to get to success?" (explore this step a bit, brainstorm if necessary, to prepare the next one), "and once you had achieved this first step, "then what was the next one?" (you walk one step towards success). In this way the coachee takes ownership of their path, and gradually discovers the different milestones towards their goal.

Encourage your client to reflect regularly on their progress. This reflection allows for adjustments and keeps the goals aligned with their evolving needs and circumstances. Personal Experience: Regular reflection sessions with a client helped us identify what was working and what wasn’t, allowing for timely adjustments that kept them on track without feeling overwhelmed.

Eine Hausaufgabe für den Coachee kann sein, dass er anfängt, die Zeit zu stoppen, die für alltägliche Aufgaben gebraucht wird. Wenn z.B. eine Woche lang immer die Zeit gestoppt wird, die zum Lesen von E-Mails benötigt wird, kann diese Aufgabe nach der Woche realistischer geplant werden. Der Tag hat nur eine begrenzte Anzahl von Stunden und wir müssen lernen, diese zu berechnen und zu schätzen, um realistische Pläne machen zu können.

Be prepared to go through several rounds of goal discussion and refinement. Encourage the client to adjust goals as needed to make them more realistic and achievable.

Finally, offer ongoing support as they work towards their goals. Be a sounding board, provide encouragement, and offer resources that can help them stay focused and motivated. Personal Experience: Providing consistent support through check-ins and resource sharing made a significant difference in a client’s ability to stay committed to their goals, especially during challenging times. Need help guiding your clients to set realistic, meaningful goals? Let’s connect and explore strategies that can empower your coaching practice!

I help my clients in setting realistic goals, by encouraging them regular reflection sessions where they assess their progress and challenges. Like if a client is working on improving their physical health, I have them reflect weekly on what’s working and what isn’t, such as whether they’re sticking to their exercise routine. I always offer proactive support by suggesting adjustments, like trying a different type of exercise or setting smaller, more achievable goals. By consistently reflecting and providing timely feedback, I help my clients stay on track, adapt to obstacles, and maintain motivation throughout their journey.

A type of support that's often difficult to navigate, but important to foster in a coaching relationship is celebrating client successes. By acknowledging — without wandering too close to "cheerleading" — you can boost confidence and motivation, and potentially open them up to reflect on their achievements. A gem that I like to keep in my pocket: “When you share your progress, it seems to me like you've moved the ball forward quite a bit. How are you feeling about where you're at right now?”