How can coaching develop self-compassion for executives?

I have been coaching executives in this space for many years & the key is to develop awareness of how self-criticism, a sense of isolation & over identification with thoughts & feelings can harm us rather than help us. To encourage, enable & empower executives to practice being kinder to themselves, develop authentic connections & to learn to hold their thoughts & feelings in mindful awareness are game changers. Recognising how we regulate our emotions is also key for executives. Working with a psychologist & experienced executive coach who specialises in this area & provides evidence-based & practical, effective solutions to increase self-compassion & self-acceptance, which elevate wellbeing & performance as a result, is critical.

When I coach people towards self compassion I often start with a chat about what compassion is (eg sensitivity to suffering in self and others, with a commitment to preventing and alleviating suffering), the 3 flows of compassion, and the evidence that self compassion can help to improve wellbeing, health and performance in life. We may then progress to talking about the inner critic, and the common barriers people have around being more compassionate towards themselves

In my experience Coaching is the most powerful way to increase self awareness. Often successful executives are great at doing things, getting results, task and result focused. Fanatically focused on actions. Shadow effect of this is that there’s no time, energy or focus on reflections, introspections or musings. All of which is detrimental to ‘self awareness’ A coach brings in balance. Gets you to pause, consciously become aware of your purpose, recognise your innate talents and challenges, become cognisant of your emotional quotient. All of which have a deep impact in enhancing self awareness A coach will deploy several ways to increase self awareness as visualisation, reflections, diagnostics, mirroring, observing others & questioning

Self compassion is supported by Emotional Intelligence, and begins with it's Self-Awareness. Compassion is regarded by Tibetan culture as the most powerful force in the universe because of how it helps engage with truth in a way that creates or gives more life. So self-compassion begins by looking for the life within and beyond ourselves. With discovered life, we discover empowerment and agency to become beyond what we feel trapped by.

Self-compassion is a multifaceted concept that can be approached from various angles. To deepen our understanding and enhance our practice, we can consider the following perspectives: Embracing Multiple Conceptualizations: Self-compassion is not a one-size-fits-all concept. It’s beneficial to explore different definitions and models to discover what truly resonates with us. This personalized approach can make the practice more meaningful and impactful. Interpersonal and Social Outcomes: The benefits of self-compassion extend beyond personal well-being to our interactions with others. Practicing self-compassion can enhance empathy, improve communication, and facilitate better conflict resolution.

In a recent coaching session, I encouraged the coachee to reflect on the advice they would offer to a colleague facing a similar challenge, highlighting the contrast in their self- and other-directed compassion. By guiding them to view their own efforts from a more balanced and objective lens, they started to acknowledge their hard work and dedication, even in the face of setbacks. This shift in perspective helped them cultivate a kinder and more understanding approach to their self-evaluation, promoting a more compassionate mindset.

The above is a very cognitive perspective. Compassionate mind training and compassionate focused coaching does use some reframing techniques but other approaches to. In fact CFT grew out of CBT as Paul Gilbert recognised the importance of the tone of voice in which people spoken themselves - not just the content of any negative thoughts

Coaching isn't enough sometimes. You need a mix of the facilitation it offers, a journey through what is vulnerable for you and an outcome to move you into a new way of being. So, Mindful forms of coaching might be better suited to help you frame and re-frame.

To foster self-compassion, identify negative beliefs fueling self-criticism. Challenge their validity and consider alternative, balanced views. Adopt a growth mindset, viewing setbacks as learning opportunities. Collect evidence of past successes to counteract negative self-perceptions. Practice mindfulness, accepting thoughts without judgment. Rely on a support system for perspective. This reframing can cultivate a kinder self-view.

Reframing in coaching is a valuable tool, enabling clients to think new thoughts, broaden their perspective,developing a new way of seeing things that they can try out when they leave the coaching session. I find utilising Gestalt techniques like 'the empty chair' can be really effective at physically moving to different positions to literally look at the situation differently. Creating self awareness, starting to see that there are other ways of seeing things can bring immediate shifts in mindset. I've witnessed it in my coaching practice many times, and each time it's amazing to see the clients awakening through the experience. It always ends in smiles and a determination to try something different.

And soothing breathing rhythm, and safe space visualisations, and cultivating an image of an ideal compassionate other, and working with different self parts etc. One key task with some people is to help them shift from hostile self criticism to compassionate self correction and this can involve exercises to help them tap into and strengthen innate but perhaps dormant compassion related neural pathways

I often find myself providing executives with techniques to use to help with this. At the moment stress and overwhelm are a huge issue. When we are under stress our emotions sometimes take control. Noticing this is the first step. Being kind to ourselves is the second.

Practice is important but perfect practice is better. Practicing the wrong things perfectly or the right things imperfectly just undermines what is necessary to address while promoting waste of invested energy on the unnecessary.

El coaching puede ser de utilidad para desarrollar la autocompasión al trabajar el auto conocimiento, el reconocimiento y gestión de las emociones, las creencias y juicios que traemos, el poder mostrarnos vulnerables y abrirnos a la ayuda de otros.

Self compassion requires practice like anything else. The coach trains the client to discern when they lack self-compassion because often times this is the main problem. They so normalized being harshly self critic to the point they don't even notice it anymore. The client will then acquires the skill of changing the narrative they usually use.

Habits can be hurdle and hindrance rather than a help. They require forward planning and forethought. Sometimes you just can't think ahead about consequences, all you have is the moment. The best strategy is not 'live the moment', that can lead to impulsive behaviour. Instead, pause and let the moment through you, let the moment 'live you'. That might be hard to generate a habit around. Instead it is important to midwife life. Success is not a habit, it is a practice and that sometimes involves managing the moment as it unfolds rather than trying to reinforce an existing strategy.

Oftentimes, transformation takes place at a deep level, connecting with your value and beliefs systems that is not always visible to the naked eye. Clients often tell me they feel so different inside but it's inconspicuous. It's therefore, difficult to define or witness tangible outcomes at times.

True transformation stems from ingrained habits rather than fleeting intentions. Coaching instills rituals and routines that nurture self-compassion as an integral part of an executive's lifestyle. Whether it's starting each day with a moment of self-affirmation or ending it with a reflection on achievements, these habits pave the way for lasting change. With coaching, self-compassion ceases to be a lofty ideal and becomes a steadfast companion in the journey of leadership.

Coaching opens up new dimensions and helps the mentee to find out what he don't know and where to focus their energies to produce better results.

Everyone is guilty of mistakes, misconceptions and rash decisions made under stress. It is important to normalize those. Clearly, criticism or harsh words aimed at others are often signs of a lack of self-compassion. Encouraging the client to use a visual prompt "a favorite photo" to step back and catch and remind oneself of a wiser, gentler and more compassionate voice can help. Positive intelligence enthusiasts often recommend "quieting" the voice of the saboteur but then there is also the strategy of turning the voice of the saboteur up so loud...exaggering its claims... that the client begins to see how ridiculous some of the inner saboteur's blanket statements and judgments can be!

Self compassion is key to empathy and compassion in leadership. The develop it leaders need to develop new habits of leading the inner dialog and firstly catching the distracting one - that is the 1st step. But those patterns are deeply wired,so I personally like to bring transformative work from Positive Inteligence or approaches that lead to rewiring and shifts on several levels - mind, emotions, body, being.

Failure is an essential aspect of the human experience. Failure is an essential aspect of the human experience. Failure is an essential aspect of the human experience. Being born is as rare as a grain of sand on the nail of your little finger. Be grateful that you were born, are here and have a new opportunity with each present moment.

Most people think being empathic leads to great leadership. They are missing an important part: Compassion! Training compassion matters: Leaders with an empathy preference have a 12 percent higher risk of burnout than leaders with a compassion preference. What's worse, only being empathic, without training in compassion, can lead to biased decision-making.

Coaching helps executives develop self-compassion by providing a supportive environment to explore and challenge self-critical thoughts. Coaches guide executives in cultivating self-awareness, acceptance, and kindness towards themselves. Through practical tools and ongoing support, executives learn to integrate self-compassion into their leadership approach, fostering resilience, emotional intelligence, and authentic relationships.